Name: ron lover
(Signed) · Date:
07/06/09 21:35 · For:
Wow. I got goose bumps. That was like nothing I've ever read before. It was really good.
I like how you had it how it was like he died when he got the Dark Mark. I find that to be true. This is a powerful story. It was good.
(Signed) · Date:
11/03/06 12:28 · For:
Wow, that is very... strong, since I cannot think of any other word to describe it. Powerful perhaps or moving.
Author's Response: Thank you :)
hogwartsduchess (Anonymous) · Date:
11/03/06 12:09 · For:
Oh, to be the first one to review such a powerful piece. I have chills. Literally.
You have a gift for making the reader see what your character sees. Though I wasn't certain at first that the speaker was Draco, I could sense that it was, and I was vindicated when I read his name on the page. I saw this poor woman, and shivered with fear at her calm acceptance.
Now, for the few things I noticed whilst I was reading. You've missed multiple commas. The best advice on that I can offer is to read your story aloud to yourself. If you pause, the reader pauses, and there must be some punctuation to indicate that they should do so. Also, Muggle should be capitalised.
Beyond that, I have to say again how utterly frightening this fic is. You've woven suspense with an incredible knack for story-telling. I'm in awe. The whole thing was overwhelmingly chilling. Yes, PI Beta that I am, I cannot think of another word to describe what this fic is. A truly masterful bit of work.
Author's Response: You have no idea what this review means to me. I've never submitted anything like this fic before as I've always had a fear of being shot down. You have boosted my confidence.
And thank you for the pointers, I have capitalised Muggles and altered punctuation, I appreciate your help.