NO! Thatwas horrific! How could you do that to Ron and Hermione! You really enjoy making your characters tortured souls, don't you?
Author's Response: Mmm. Tortured souls are irrisistable. I enjoy stories that make my heart ache, so I had to throw some right back out there. I hope you enjoyed the story.
Wow, that was really intense. I could feel the seriousness of the situation. You're an excellent writer.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! This was probably one of my favourite stories to write. I'm quite pleased that you like it. :)
That's so sad! She was pregnant and then had her soul sucked out.
Author's Response: Yep. I love reading heartbreaking stories, so I decided to have a go with one of my own.
Wow! Not at all what I was expecting, but very good. I picked this to read because of the title – I happen to love that quote, and it’s sitting at the top of my own story, waiting to be worked into a chapter title someday, if at all possible. So kudos on the title! :)
I love the beginning; the heavy presence of the silence is almost palpable. Ron’s response – wishing desperately for some movement, some indication of life, to make himself feel alive again – is very well done.
The flashback is done very well also. I usually don’t like flashbacks in post final-battle stories; they tend to lose momentum, and bog down the flow. Yours, however, worked very well, partly, I think, because you didn’t give us the entire result before starting the flashback. We knew enough to have the proper foreboding, but had very little idea as to what was going to happen in the flashback. Also, the pregnancy at the end was unexpected, and made a very nice twist; so often, this type of story consists solely of waiting for the miraculous to happen, for the person in the bed to wake up. You shifted things around nicely – the story read entirely differently the second time, upon realizing that Ron isn’t waiting for Hermione to wake up; he has, in fact, accepted that it’s hopeless, and is instead focusing all his hopes and wishes on his daughter. The “her” he has been referring to is not, in fact, Hermione. Very nice twist!
Upon a second reading, I began having questions about the timeline. If the battle was almost a year ago, and Hermione has been unresponsive all this time, where did the baby come from? Also, when the mediwitches are saying that she’s not going to respond, are they talking about the baby or about Hermione? I would assume that after a year, the fact that Hermione wasn’t going to respond would be apparent. Unless, of course, I’m misunderstanding, which is very possible – you might want to clarify the beginning a little.
My one other critique is actually with the title. As much as I love it, I felt as if you never really tied it in with the story. I could make the connections easily; Ron watching Hermione, wanting her to move, or the connection even could be with the movement of his daughter. Nevertheless, I’d like to see you tie it in somewhere, more explicitly; I think you’ll find that it holds the story together, giving it an increased feeling of cohesiveness.
Overall, great job – very well written story, and a nice read.
Author's Response: I have to say the same to you: Wow!! What an amazing review! I really appreciate it. In regards to the timeline, I figured that saying 'almost a year' or 'nearly a year' was slightly more poetic than saying 'eight months ago'. Because Hermione was indeed pregnant at the time of the final battle. As for the mediwitches, they were talking about Hermione. I don't really know why I wrote that. Probably because I was thinking that the Healers were hoping that Hermione would in some way cooperate with her body's natural responses to labour, rather than make a complete mental recovery. And I did realize that the title wasn't as related to the story as well as it could be, but I preferred to leave the exact interpretation up to the reader. I like to work things out for myself, so I figured that I would leave the meaning vague. So, anyways, thank you again for the amazing review. It was really lovely, and probably one of the best reviews I've ever recieved. I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
Oh, this was so sad! It was very good writing too!
Author's Response: Yeah, I meant it to be kind of tragic. I'm glad you liked it, and I appreciate the review!
Bloody brilliant! I have to say that was a fantastic short story. We don't see that much from Ron's perspective, at least not in a story like this. Seeing Hermione like that is eerily reminiscent of CoS with the petrification. That gave me the shivers. Bravo!
Author's Response: ^__^
I loved this story!
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad!