Omg So Good:O You Have To Keep Going!!
Oh, what a fun one-shot. *grins*
You really captured Ginny's fierce attitude. “Ginny was about to explode. Yes, that’s the word she was looking for. Explode.” It makes the story, in my opinion, because it puts her on the offensive from the start of her encounter with Draco and thus gives the entire encounter its tension.
Her scare in the the field and slow realization of who it was was my favorite part, because it was just so deliciously drawn-out that I could see it playing almost like a movie in my mind. “Before she could recover from her shock, she spotted a figure looming above the field, uncomfortably close to where she stood. Startled, Ginny stumbled backwards, now aware that her sneakers were kicking up dirt instead of smacking against pavement. She let out a small cry when she lost her footing and tumbled onto the dirt path, dust exploding all around her.” Really phenomenal job on the description of physical movements, which, when you think about it, usually aren't described in much detail in fan fiction. People seem to prefer to describe a pretty image or a complex feeling rather than the actual action of the story, and that has a lot of untapped potential. (Also, it was a great touch that the crow ended up belonging to Draco.)
Another thing that I liked about your characterization of Ginny was when frightened by the scarecrow. “Bewildered, Ginny’s attention snapped back to the figure in the cornfields, and she nearly cried out of embarrassment and relief. No wonder her friends didn’t want her to go to Godric’s Hollow with them; a mere scarecrow sent her wits scattering.” I felt like although it was small, it was very human. Too many authors portray Ginny as some sort of super girl that never cares what anyone else thinks and is extremely self-confident. She is both of those things, but she would become afraid and doubt herself on occasion, like anyone else.
This story is a little difficult to believe, but still enjoyable to read. For instance, I found it odd that Draco would be one of the most wanted when he was never really a danger in the first place, and he was too quick to trust Ginny in the position that he was in. They never had any interaction before, so he would have no way of knowing that she wouldn't report him. The whole situation was just far-fetched, though fun, to read. Maybe some of the plot holes could be fixed up convincingly enough.
While Ginny was very well-written, some of your other characterization was a little OOC. While he was barely in the story for more than a few paragraphs, Harry sounded strangely stilted, and Draco seemed both in and out of character. His caustic wit was very entertaining and perfect for him, but he showed compassion and trust to Ginny that all seemed very sudden. He said that Dumbledore was someone that he looked up to, but he never treated him with anything more than contempt. I believe that he's capable of becoming better, but he would also need time to grow a bit more.
Overall this is a good one-shot, as all the one-shots by you that I've read have been. Draco/Ginny is my guilty pleasure, and this was a very nice treat.
It's always a delight to read your stories, and iI remember reading this when you first wrote it for the Spooky Swap, so here I am with a review!
I love it when I find the right word, so the first line is perfect. It kind of stings of sarcasm, too, which is entertaining.
The way you built the dialogue up to spur on Ginny's anger is perfect. I, too, would be disgusted if Harry, Ron and Hermione spoke to me that way, especially if they referred me back to Mrs Weasley. Ginny's anger appears perfectly justified there, and it's a perfect reason for him to leave.
Her feet on the pavement, too, is a lovely image.
Charlie, smiling at her request to take her on a broomstick ride when she was five. It seems here as though Charlie's going to succumb to sisterly pressure. Maybe you could add 'simply' before smiling to emphasise that he's going to refuse.
I like the way you made historical references of people thinking Ginny isn't capable - now, it seems, she needs someone who believes differently.
She didnít cry when she lost Tom Riddle, the man she thought would replace Harry. She didnít cry when Harry ended their relationship. She didnít cry when Charlie, Fred, and George died. The repeated phrase here is very effective. The events, however, happened in the past and we're speaking in the past, so you need to use the pluperfect. 'She hadn't cried when...' etc.
She frowned; Ginny didnít remember living close to a farm. In fact, she now recalled, the nearest farm was almost half an hour away from the Burrow. You've set up delightfully the feeling of suspense here. Oh, but I'm a bit confused by the time reference. A half an hour of what, exactly? Walking? I think that's what you meant. So what about 'a half an hour's walk'?
The cawing of the crow is completely chilling, and the subsequent discovery of a person is positively terrifying. Starting with the feet was a brilliant idea.
I love your Ginny and her threats, and the way Draco calls her on them. Their interactions are characterised wonderfully.
But, from the despair and loss in Dracoís expression, she couldnít bring her legs to move, to sprint away from this madman. and ...simply a boy, trapped by his own guilt and sorrow are desperately sad. You've gotten into Ginny's head so well.
I don't understand why Draco would just open up to Ginny like that, easily and right away. I know he's vulnerable, but wouldn't that make him less likely to share his secrets? And not 'nonchalant.' Maybe you could enforce his desperation there, for a place to stay or for someone to understand him. It seems rather sudden otherwise, though it does fit nicely with their line of conversation.
That was all the invitation Ginny needed. Ginny poured out her soul to Draco, For some reason, I can see this exchange much more easily. Ginny's the one desperate to confess in this relationship, you know? I like that addition to the story.
Oh, the dream! Maybe you meant that dream Draco is more like Ginny remembers him?
And the ending is so poignant, and leaves opportunities for more encounters, even. I love it. Thank you for this lovely story.
Very well written... loved the ending... a touching story.
how come you don't answer reviews? that's just wrong!
this was very good! i liked it! i hardly ever read this categorie but i liked yours alot! it was very well written and unique! 10/10!
that was really really good. very original and true to canon...i loved the touch at the end.