MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
02/23/07 1:29 · For:
Well, here I am, listening to the review plea in the babble. I'm excited to read the story! I picked one with no long reviews so I can leave a sufficiently detailed one.
Name: Rapid Reader
I like that you show how puzzled Charlie is at having to go to Romania. I've always wondered why JKR chose Eastern Europe. Still, Romania of all places? If I spoke this sentence aloud, I would pause after 'Romania.' Does that make sense? Maybe you could add a comma there.
The grass was of an ethereal green, punctuated by tiny shacks of those people who lived here for centuries, unchanging in their ways, living off the land. I love the picture this sentence creates; it's delightful imagery. I can see the mountains and little houses and endless pastures and such. It needs to be 'had lived,' though, as you're speaking in the pluperfect.
Oh, I like that you added that Charlie didn't know what sort of animals for whom he would be caring. And then dragons, of all things! The exchange with the driver is also very believable - a good example of someone who's not quite well-travelled attempting to be friendly with the countryside-people. The inclusion of Romanian is a nice touch, too.
I'm having trouble picturing a jovial issue of the "stop!" command, but I'll manage. *hee*
Everything looked so different, felt so different and he ached for the familiar. This realisation is brilliantly realistic. Charlie's inexperienced and embarking on a job that may be his career, and with a language barrier as well! I can imagine his feeling here, and you've captured it well.
Oh, what a frustrating ending! I hope it works out better for Charlie. The beginning of his story is interesting, though, and thank you for sharing it!
(Signed) · Date:
12/22/06 0:14 · For: