Login
MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Eleanor Lupin (Signed) · Date: 08/06/11 6:15 · For: One-shot
Oh my gosh, this was hilarious! Only Dumbledore and the Marauders... "magic drawing box"...


Name: GinnyPottterGranger (Signed) · Date: 05/09/11 5:05 · For: One-shot
so how come remus knew what an etch-a-sketch was? anyway, it was hilarious, exactly the type of thing the marauders would have gotten up to, and exactly how they would have wormed out of trouble. i like how peter was portrayed as the "artist" of this prank, as he is usually the overly eager sidekick! awesome fic, surprised it doesnt have more reviews...


Name: MagicMandy (Signed) · Date: 01/12/11 17:33 · For: One-shot
Hilarious! I can't believe Dumbledore was playing with it!


Name: armagod679 (Signed) · Date: 10/20/08 18:12 · For: One-shot
This is hilarious! How did you think of it?

Author's Response: Thanks. I don't remember where the whole idea came from but it was prompted by a challenge from the Boards. I had been wanting to do something with the Marauders so this was my excuse.


Name: april_fools_fun (Signed) · Date: 10/03/08 11:57 · For: One-shot
that was funny! I love Etch-A-Sketch-ing!

Author's Response: Thanks. I had fun with that as a kid too.


Name: lupins_girl2006 (Signed) · Date: 07/26/08 3:07 · For: One-shot
Only Dumbledore and the Marauders could have fun with a "Magic Drawing Box"

Author's Response: I don't know I suspect several others would have that much fun, but I doubt cause that much trouble. Thanks for the review.


Name: lilykins123 (Signed) · Date: 09/15/07 10:58 · For: One-shot
hilarious


Author's Response: Thanks.


Name: Beautiful_Black (Signed) · Date: 06/04/07 15:59 · For: One-shot
ha ha...an Etcjh-A-Sketch!


Author's Response: Thanks, I thought it was a fun choice.


Name: novalearae (Signed) · Date: 12/15/06 10:52 · For: One-shot
funny.

Author's Response: Thanks.


Name: stormy_lovegood (Signed) · Date: 12/05/06 20:27 · For: One-shot
LOLZ! Yay! Thayt was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, plus, you gave Peter a personality too! I mean, if he's friends with the lot, he must have had SOME good qualitites! For reasons unknown, I'm in love with kid-Peter. That was sooo fun to read. Etch-a-sketch!

Author's Response: Actually thats why I wrote this story from Peter's point of view. He gets overlooked why to often, but he's why to interesting a character for people to even begin jusitify doing that. No personality Peter is one of my fanfiction pet peeves. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thought it was funny. Thanks alot for reviewing!


Name: madelynn (Anonymous) · Date: 11/15/06 3:04 · For: One-shot
Hhahahahahahahah! WONDERFUL!!!! i LOVE it!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. It's always nice to know when you make someone laugh.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. It's always nice to know when you make someone laugh.


Name: krumflies11392 (Signed) · Date: 11/06/06 18:27 · For: One-shot
Haha. Very cute. I didn't realize it was an etch-a-sketch! How clever!

Author's Response: Yes! I mangaed to fool one reader, just kidding. I glad you enjoyed it, thanks for your reivew.


Name: halfbloodprincess22 (Signed) · Date: 11/06/06 15:10 · For: One-shot
omg, that's such a good idea! cute story, i really, really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: Thanks, I really enjoyed writing it. The Marauders are so much fun. Thanks for your review.


Name: HPAndHG4ever (Signed) · Date: 10/24/06 22:13 · For: One-shot
That was great!!!! I loved it!!! I normaly just read H/Hr but that was really good!
HPAndHG4ever

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad to see you trying something new.


Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 10/22/06 20:28 · For: One-shot
Ha! Lovely ending! I'm glad you found the rest of your story - the joke on Snape was great, and Dumbledore's last line was perfect. I think it's a very strong entry for the challenge - good luck!! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks for coming back :) I really enjoyed this challenge and you and Chrissy had great entries, too. Hoping to see some more.


Name: HPLoverForever (Signed) · Date: 10/22/06 19:43 · For: One-shot
Hi there!

It was a combination beyond imagination, but every full moon the quartet was there.

Since you used the word 'quartet' earlier on, I'd probably just use the word 'four', thus making it:

It was a combination beyond imagination, but every full moon the four were there.

--

Running, the rat was trying to keep up to the three large shadows in front of him.

Hmm. This part made me a little iffy. I'd change it to past tense where he 'tried' to keep up.

Running, the rat tried to keep up to the three large shadows in front of him.

--


The rat quickly jumped off, and ran over to it. Even with his poor eyesight, the rat could tell that this thing didn’t belong in forest. The dog, confused as to why rat had left him, trotted over to the rat.


There are a few grammatical errors here. There shouldn't be a comma between 'off' and 'and' in the first bit and there should be a 'the' between 'in' and 'forest'. Also, I wouldn't use the words 'dog' and 'rat' so much. Switch it around a little to:


The rat quickly jumped off and ran over to it. Even with his poor eyesight, the rat could tell that this 'thing' didn’t belong in the forest. The dog, confused as to why rat had left him, trotted over to him.


--

The rat, upon seeing the dog, ran circles around the object. The dog stared at the rat confused. Only when the rat pretended to bite the object did the dog understand, and pick it up with its teeth.

Again, just a couple grammar errors. There should be a comma between 'rat' and 'confused'. Also, there shouldn't be a comma between 'understand' and 'and'. Over all, it should look something like this:

The rat, upon seeing the dog, ran circles around the object. The dog stared at the rat, confused. Only when the rat pretended to bite the object did the dog understand and pick it up with its teeth.

Also, you could replace some of the 'dog' and 'rat''s in the sentence with other words such as 'it'.

--

Peter lay on ground exhausted, when a shaggy mutt walked over, and dropped an object into his lap.

There should be a 'the' between 'on' and 'ground' and a comma between 'ground' and 'exhausted. Also, there shouldn't be a comma between 'over' and 'and'.

Peter lay on the ground, exhausted, when a shaggy mutt walked over and dropped an object into his lap.

--

It was a small red rectangular box.

There should be a comma between 'small' and 'red'.

It was a small, red rectangular box.

--

James reached over, and grabbed the box from his hands.

There shouldn't be a comma there.

--

"I wonder what would happen if I turned a knob?”

This is a statement, so there should be a period at the end rather than a question mark. : ) No biggie!

--

“Make sure you put you hand on the gray part when you do so, it might burn up,”

I think 'you' should be 'your' and there should be a semi-colon rather than a comma between 'so' and 'it'.

“Make sure you put your hand on the gray part when you do so; it might burn up,”

--

They laid it on floor, and stared at it for a moment before James declared that he would turn a knob.

There shouldn't be a comma between 'floor' and 'and'.

--

Peter scooted back a couple centimeters, and clapped his hands over his ears, when James reached for the knob.

This part is fine without any commas. : )

--

James and Sirius looked at each other dumbfounded, it was like magic.

This should be two seperate sentences:

James and Sirius looked at each other, dumbfounded. It was like magic.

--

This is fun,

There should be a period rather than a comma at the end. : )

--

The full moon was shining brightly through the trees, lighting the path before him.

I liked this a lot! I could easily see in my mind what the forest looked like. Great imagery!

--

I noticed throughout your story that you're having a little trouble placing commas correctly. I found this website for you that can easily help you with these problems:

http://www.english.uiuc.edu/CWS/wworkshop/writer_resources/writing_tips/comma_use.htm

I hope this helps!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for this very indepth review. I will definently take your suggestions under consideration. The reason their is a comma after "This is fun" is because that is the middle of a sentence. There should be about 1,200 more left in my story. I working on it, please come back later. Thank you again so much for this review!

Author's Response: PS: Its fixed. Again thanks alot for the comma help. I really despise them. My beta is off in Vienna, so I was naughty and went on my own.


Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 10/22/06 18:27 · For: One-shot
It's a Etch-a-Sketch, right?? :) Very cute! I liked the introduction, having the Maruader's find the object on one of their outings was a nice way to start - very original and very well written. I loved this line:
Peter put his hands back in his lap; he had thought it was a sensible precaution, things tended to blow up quite a bit around James and Sirius.
That made me laugh out loud - you did a good job with the characters and their interaction.
What a fun object to use for the challenge! Nice job, and good luck!! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! For some strange reason only about half of my story is up. The second half explains what the object is and the Marauders have some more fun. Thanks again and check back later I need to figure this out.

Author's Response: PS: It fixed! Thanks again and good luck to you in the challenge.


You must login (register) to review.