yay!! really great story :D i love your personification fo dumbledore!! pleeese update soon!!! i really want to see what happens!!
Author's Response: I promise! Thanks so much, I like knowing that people like how I portray him. Wow, too tired to think of a synonym for "like." Anyway, I know I haven't updated in a REALLY long time, but I've just had so much school work. : ) Hopefully I'll have an update between this weekend and next! Hang in there, please! (That last thing goes out to everyone...please don't abandon me...*pleading eyes*)
Good Job, I hope you will be updating soon. The life of Albus Dumledore must have been full of very interesting events and I must admit that the begining is rather promising. I really wonder what the surnames of all these young people are ! Good luck and happy new year !
Wow i like this story i havent read many about dumbledore so this is pretty cool. Update soon please
Author's Response: Teehee, thanks, and I'll try. I've been really tired lately, so sorry that I haven't updated, guys...I'll definitely be going on with this story, though, so don't forget about me! : )
Someday not so long in the future, he would die, and that would be the end of it. It was rather unsettling and depressing.
Sometimes he wondered if it was normal for eleven-year-old boys to think of such things.
When I read the first part, I immidiantly thought of foreshadowing. That was an interesting way to foreshadow to the end of Dumbledore's life in HBP. However, eleven year olds really don't think a lot about death. Some mature eleven year olds do, and by having Dumbledore ask himself if eleven year olds think about death was a great way to show his maturity.
Overall, I noticed less mistakes in this chapter. One thing that I did notice was your description. You took the time to write the world into which Dumbledore is introduced. The description of the people and events were very well done.
Also, I think you've developed Dumbledore's character very well by developing his father's character. We often are products of our family and parents, whether we like this or not. You've written Abner Dumbledore as a man who is polite, and he is teaching his son to be polite. Although you show his father scolding him, you also give Abner that touch of kindness that father's have for their sons. Abner, by no means, comes across to the reader as weak, yet he's not cruel, either. I must say you've written Dumbledore a realistic father so far.
Author's Response: Hey, I'm really grateful to have a reviewer like you. : ) Thanks for pointing out the errors, I'll try to find time to fix that. The problem is that I write all of this at one or two o'clock in the morning...ah, excuses from the grammar freak (me...). Number of mistakes depend on time of day. It's like a direct relation or something...math isn't my thing. Wow, rambling. Thank you for your compliments as well! Description is one of my strong points, so I'm glad to see comment on it from people other than my best friend, who reads more of my writing than anyone else. I'm happy that you like his father. Also, it's good you like Dumbledore's character, because someone told me his "Allie" name and personality were a bit out of character. I said that, as he matures magically, physically, and mentally, that he will become more of the Dumbledore we know. This goes for his relationship with his siblings too...*wink wink*...if you were wondering. : ) Okay, off to bed; hope to hear more from you when I post a new chapter! Thanks! - polyhymnictal
I liked how you started your story. Introducing pieces of history that we consider important and then adding Dumbledore's first day of school helped to catch my attention. Also, I liked the way you related Dumbledore to his father. By mentioning the father's imperfections, you also help us, as readers, to keep away from the idea that Dumbledore and his family are perfect.
I liked how you extablished Aberforth's character, too. From what little we know of him, you made his appearance match the character that we've deduced from the the slim amount of information the books provide us. Overall, I really enjoyed the way you wrote Dumbledore's family.
The one sentence about Luca would have made more sense if there were commas, though. She was balancing a little girl, in layers of petticoats under an old-looking, lacy white dress who could not have been more than five years old, on her hip and was holding the hand of a boy of about seven years old on her other side.
You also spelled Luca wrong at one point (Luce). Also, a general look back at comma usage might enhance this piece.
However, I already like what you've written. Dumbledore is always difficult to write because we, as readers, see him as the mentor or go-to person of the series. Because we read the books through Harry's eyes, we see Dumbledore the way Harry does. However, I like what you've done with his character. One thing that really stuck with me was how he felt sorry when he looked at his little sister's face. However, I would caution you to be careful not to have Dumbledore avoid Aberforth too much. His extreme adversion to his brother seemed slightly OCC to me.
Yay! Good story so far!
p.s. I read the disclaimers! =)
Author's Response: Yay! Thanks! : ) And I'll try to make my future disclaimers exceedingly interesting. : ) Agh! I use too many smiley faces. Have a smiley day! : )
This is fairly interesting. Baby Albus. How cute.
Author's Response: Thanks. : ) You know, you remind me of someone I know. Hmm. But anyway, thanks again! (Does it seem like I'm writing thank you cards for my bat mitzvah or what?)
I like this! Can't wait to see where it goes. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Yay! You make me happy! My very first Mugglenet Fan Fiction reviewer! Woohoo! Thanks for the review!