Reviewer: Dory_the_Fishie
Date: 06/21/07 19:58
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

I may not know a whole lot about poetry (as in, I don’t know anything), but I do know that this is wonderful, and that I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Regulus and Sirius are captured perfectly in this. It’s their voices in my head as I read, and their thoughts, and their ideas. Even if it hadn’t said so in the summary, I would have known these voices were my Blacks’ (lol, yes, my), because you wrote them so well. I can hear Sirius asking, pleading even, for Regulus to step through. It has that urgency and rapidity that Sirius seems to have – like you have to do this now, because you just do. Likewise, there seems to be that touch of sarcasm in Sirius’s voice, in the beginning mostly. It’s not blindingly obvious, but it’s still there, at least for me.

The form of this is, of course, creative and different. The thing I love about your writing (like Noldo’s) is that you use punctuation and grammar and everything in all sorts of ways; you challenge and play with the rules. It’s almost like the italicized bits are their own poem. The indentations and commas help separate the thoughts of the poem. I like the structure of this because everything seems so deliberate; there’s nothing here that doesn’t have a purpose. I do, though, have to say something about the last line. On the one hand, I love it, because it has that sound of finality, and it brings the sun metaphor to a complete end. On the other hand, I just really adore Then I have/lost you / we have lost each other as an ending to this. I think that’s my most favorite line of the poem, because it sums the entire thing up so perfectly.

While I’m touching on the sun metaphor, I should point out how great it is. You portray it as fleeting – it’s not always there, and it won’t always will be, and you have to step through the passageway now. It’s a very Sirius sentiment, and the fact that Regulus says he cannot…well, it’s heartwrenching but beautiful. The sun parallels the darkness that is Regulus’s life wonderfully. Sirius is, in essence, asking Regulus to become better.

Naturally, I loved this. You have a real gift, James.

Reviewer: GreyLady
Date: 11/22/06 22:42
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

I'm so impressed! This poem is love, seriously. The seemingly stream of concious style of writing is intriguing, if somewhat difficult with which to become accostmed. Your word choice is impeccable, as is your choice of puncuation and formatting to create a feeling. It's as if I'm getting sucked into someone else's mind when I read your poetry because it seems like exactly the way thoughts would look if they were in writing. Hope that makes some sense... I'm also adoring the extended metaphor of the sunlight and such (that is what it's meant to be, right?). There seems to be so many layers that I can't grasp them all at once! Anyway, this is a wonderful bit of work.

Author's Response: As always, thank you so much for reviewing. And you always leave so warm, heartfelt reviews that I love; that means a lot to me. I think your thoughts on your transportion into another person's mind is so dead-on as it can be. I'm very impressed; I never thought about my sentences working that way--or I did, but not in that comparison--and it's great. :) There seems to be so many layers that I can't grasp them all at once. *blinks* *blinks* *huggles* You just said exactly what I wanted to hear. Thank you again. :D

Reviewer: Marauder by Midnight
Date: 11/05/06 16:03
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

I'm still adjusting to poetry. I'm no poetry expert and never will I be. I just...I'm horrible with poetry, let's just leave it at that.

I found it very creative how you hadn't specified Sirius or Regulus by name. It made the poem much more mysterious and allowed for me to make connections with my own life. In fact I didn't even know this poem was about Sirius until I read the reviews on this poem.

The extended metaphor with the sun - brilliant, and no pun intended. Your description of the sun is perfect. It is fleeting and not something to pass up. I can hear the urgency in Sirius' tone, pleading Regulus to step through and to embrace the light, to reject the darkness that they'd lived in for so long.

I can't pretend I know what the structure of the poem stands for, but I can tell there's something important going on with the indents and the breaks. *blushes*

Then I have
lost you / we have lost each other.

That's my favorite line of the entire poem. You show their mutual loss very well. It's so obvious that Sirius still loves his brother even after he makes that choice. What brotherly love.

The last line is so definite. A very melancholy, yet fitting ending to an emotionally strong poem. If only it didn't have to end that way for Regulus.

-Beth

Reviewer: SIRIUS WILL NOT DIE
Date: 10/30/06 17:55
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

I really liked it alot, I think it shows the relationship between Sirius and Regulus very well. I likeall the spacing, it was very good writing, like all of your stories!
~Emma~

Author's Response: Thank you, Emma. I hope my future works won't lack the same standard, and that you'll continue reading. :)

Reviewer: kumydabookworm
Date: 10/29/06 20:54
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

Hello, James! -waves-

I did like your formatting in this with the italics. Some of the lines, I felt, were unnecessarily broken. Since I KNOW that is not the case - you do everything for a reason; that's what makes your poetry good - please explain it to me.

forget what earlier life

has held:


Why break those lines up?

does not–loses

whatever angle
–that angle–
it held that, moments

before, the currents
the tidings
the waves,


Several things to comment on here. Firstly LOVED the way you formatted currents, waves, etc.

But WHY break up "moments" and "before," or put "does not" and "loses" together?

respectively,
moved to, was,


Why break those lines up?

Your jumbled, yet sensical writing is beautiful, and still intact. You amaze me with every poem you write.

I still love The Raconteur better, but this is an excellent piece in its own right.

Answers, please, for all my questions! (Oh, and if you could PM me when you've answered here, so that I know to check back, that would be wonderful...Thank you.)

Hugs!

Kumy

Author's Response: Darn. I hate it when my response disappears. This was the cause this time, I had such a long reply. Oh well. I'll just say thank you for the review inasmuch as I'm really annoyed at MNFF, at the moment, and really don't have the spirit to type it all up again. But still: I LOVED this review, and that's why I gave an originally long response, too.

Reviewer: blackpaw93
Date: 10/29/06 4:35
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

James! *huggles* I love it! It's very descriptive, I could actually imagine myself at the beach. Although in the summary you said it was to do with Sirius and Remus, I still loved it. I especially liked this part:
whatever angle
–that angle–
it held that, moments

before, the currents
the tidings
the waves,
respectively,
moved to, was,

on purpose,
held by, and held still–


The sun keeps shining.


Brilliant. Keep up the wnderful wrk, and come online more often! We miss you!

--Georgia

Author's Response: Thank you so much, G. Your comment made my day when I read it. =D

Reviewer: just_the_contrary
Date: 10/22/06 17:25
Chapter: The Sun is a Passageway, Step Through

*Tiptoes in*

Hey!

I commented in your post in the EoM, but I don't know if you saw. Anyway, I'd like to be the first to review your new poem. I love it! It looks so pretty on the page. But actually, I love how it has a plot. It's also in second person, and that's very interesting and new.

I love this part to pieces:

It is here, on the beach,
on that street that now seems,
now is, by light–sun’s–

a-shimmer–


because of the great imagery. The a-shimmer really adds to the shimmeryness. (Sorry, I'm really tired :P ) It's also great how it takes place on a beach.

The message is great. I think it says to catch the moment. The end is spectacular, so heart-breaking but at the same time opening new opprotunities.

I love it.

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