I can't give you a critique of poetry, but I will tell you that I rather enjoyed reading this.
I've yet to learn how to truly appreciate poetry, but just reading it I get the gist of the poem. It's quite eloquent if I must say so myself.
The color of betrayal is woeful!
Very good job! I love the way you mention the betrayal of other great men by throwing in the names of their traitors.
~mugglemathdork/Knight of the Turnip Table
I really enjoyed the poem. I had to read it a few times to really get the images into my head, but I do like your images very much. I'm a little confused over the line "rogue's red charade." I have a couple different ideas over what that could mean. At first, I thought maybe you were refering to Pettigrew masquerading as a Gryffindor, but then I started thinking about the centaurs and I got another idea. Were you thinking of the bit about Mars being extremely bright in SS? I like your incorporation of other "betrayers." At first, I didn't quite like that you included Brutus and Cassius, but now that I think of the story, it works well. I like the idea that Pettigrew is trying to convince himself that he is as principled as Brutus and Cassius and sacrificing his friends for a worthy cause (survival) but he is no more than a Judas (selling them out for silver). I also like the quotes that you included at the end. For some reason, the part about the "partridge and fox and squirrel and mole" reminds me of the Marauders. Very interesting poem and very well thought-out.
Knight of the Turnip Table
I love it. As I said in my review of your first poem, I'm not usually one who enjoys poetry, but I had to read your work! I did enjoy it, and I especially liked the references to Judas, Brutus, and Cassius. I found that to be very appropriate. I'm amused by the ending line: Hell's icy waters. One does not normally think of Hell as icy, but I liked the image nonetheless.
I know you explained that the star-dogged moon was an ill omen (which I thought was a fun fact - then again, maybe you and I are different. Read any Grammar for Dummies books lately?!), but do you know exactly what it is? A moon with several stars 'chasing' it or something?
oh! i see the poem now! sorry i was a little confussed! yea...your should not have it in a paragragh, that cofussed me. I really like the mischief managed part, and hells icy waters. I got very good images. um what else...Very powerfull, it takes a while for the reader to actully comprehend the story I liked it!
Author's Response: Did you read the summary? I did not intend it to turn out that way. It was the system's formatting error. I have contacted a moderator to get it sorted out.
did you know that your poem is in paragraph form not lines? sometimes it does that on its own.
Author's Response: GAH! *runs off to spam a moderator*
Oooh... Nice. Liked it alot!
I also had problems with the wonderful system, so perhaps I'll try your idea...
Author's Response: Thanks for bearing with the formatting... the submission system has been ruthless lately. I'm getting it resolved as soon as I can.
were is the poem?
Author's Response: As a PI Beta Reader, I nearly died reading this. Consider the mortality of the author next time, eh? ;) Thanks for taking the time to point out the error. I appreciate the input. :)