Nice piece of poetry! Bravo on you first MNFF fledgling.
One minor correction-- you do not need a comma at the end of every line, only put them where they would occur according to the normal rules of punctuation. When in doubt write poetry out in normal sentence format and correct any punctuation that looks odd or out of place... then put it back in line/stanza format.
Good job. Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thx, watch out 4 the new peice that i am submitting! Also thanks 4 the advice! it will go 2 good use, trust me! Thx, Dragon_Spirit
Very Good I love it! It is very very very cool! It reflects Lily and James perfectly.
Author's Response: Thank u sam! THIS IS NOT ME BUT A FRIEND RESPONDING! Anyway thank u Sam!
awwwwwww....how cute! how so very very cute! i love it! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks! I spent alot of time on it! You reviewd Dragon_Warriors, story! Well she is my BFF! Cool!
AVERY!!! You are a published author!! I must now treat you with respect *salutes you* I'm not the first to review you *snap* but it sill rocks and you know I love it!!! I'm putting it on favorites right now! (well, when I'm finished reviewing). I am soooooo proud of you and ahppy for you! You had this coming to you forever! You rock *gets teary* OK, I feel like i'm at your graduation or something. Beautiful, lovely poetry, sweet and loving. You put your heart into this poem and it shows. Wonderful job! This is the longest review I've ever written, so until you publish again.
Author's Response: Thanks JJ! Now we are both published authors! Shabbat Shalom, E-liz
That was sweet! Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks! Everyone keeps telling me that they thought it was so sweet!