it was really good but I can't help think it should be the other way round and it would be Draco who is homeless after being a death eater but it was still good :)
that is one tragic story that sure's make me cry later evening
You have great word choice and you described everything very well. However, I noticed you were a bit redundant at times; maybe use a pronoun instead of reusing the same noun. I also noticed that you were lacking commas in parts. The last thing was that there were several awkwardly placed phrases. For example:
"The water gushes out of the rotting drainpipe but all that he smells is the intoxicating scent of Draco's cologne."
The first part of the sentence has nothing to do with smell, so they should be two separate sentences instead of combined with "but."
Oh, one more thing: watch your verb tense and 1st/3rd person perspective.
Overall, it was really good and extremely good writing and wording. And great plot bunny!
other than the one spot where you switched to first person (I still have my shoes but I know my feet will grow out of them soon. These trainers I have kept since my sixth year at Hogwarts. They were breaking but they were still shoes.), I lovedddddd it.
let me tell u just how pleased i am to read smt like this...well, i hate u for being so heartless towards harry, but do adore u for making up such a lovely, overemotional draco. thank u
This is simply, and truly amazing. The storyline, the wording; just brilliant. [:
Wow...what an interesting idea....I can see Draco as being dominant and abusive even if he were straight, but to use that charcter so well and incorporate it into this new heartless cold Harry is quite intriguing and brilliant.....quite captivating...
Sigh. This is just one of my days of one-shot hunting and I found a good one. I think its very, very good and well written. Post more stuff!!
I allways thought about what would happen if Harry was hated and outcasted at the end of the books, i'm so glad some one wrote a story where it didn't all end happily ever after.
This is really and truely is an amazing peice of writing!
aww.....thats so sad! good, though. nicely done.
wow... this is a really great take on what might have been... i never thought of it that way...
Wow. Very dark - obviously, but honestly I'm fairly speechless. Fantastic job.
=^WW^=
Very dark and angsty. Very sad. Very good (I hate to find other words to use) :)
I'm sorry, but I honestly really really dislike this fic. I believe it to be in the least offensive and completely un realistic. How could one of the wizarding world's most famous people become homeless? It wouldn't happen. And Harry and Draco? I highly doubt it. Don't take this personally, I just think that you need to consider what kind of fic you are actually submitting before you submit it.
There was one paragraph...Sighing, Eddie squashed the last...where you switched from third person past to first person present. Other than that, well done.
This story was amazingly disgusting and revolting. You did a great job. I said disgusting because I can't think of Harry being gay. But even though I was shocked and kind of nauseated from the moment you said that harry sold his body I couldn't stop reading it all the way to thew finish all the same. You know your fiction is like those things that you say are just outrageous and repulsive but you are highly fascinated by it all the same!!!! Great job, consider writing one in the Harry?Ginny zone :)
This story was amazingly disgusting and revolting. You did a great job. I said disgusting because I can't think of Harry being gay. But even though I was shocked and kind of nauseated from the moment you said that harry sold his body I couldn't stop reading it all the way to thew finish all the same. You know your fiction is like those things that you say are just outrageous and repulsive but you are highly fascinated by it all the same!!!! Great job, consider writing one in the Harry?Ginny zone :)
OMG!!! THAT STORY WAS LIKE SO GOOD. REALLY GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!
Really, can't you people understand that our beloved Harry Potter is not a gay man?
