That was so sad, I feel so empty. Poor Harry, it must be awful to not be able to provide comfort. Your first fic was a success, I especially liked the line about the sky crying so Ginny didn't have to. Hope to read more of your work.
Awww....this is way sad! MJ
I really like what you’ve done here with turning the conventional ghost story upside down by inverting the characters. Instead of showing us a live person’s reaction to a ghost, you start by showing a ghost’s reaction to a live person. It almost seems that the haunting goes both ways – Ginny is haunted by the memory of Harry, who is in turn haunted by Ginny’s unhappiness.
I’ll start with a few nitpicks, to get them out of the way, and then get back to this.
“Why won’t you look at me Ginny?” When a character is addressing another character, you’re generally going to need a comma before the name; in this case, it should read, “Why won’t you look at me, Ginny?” Similarly, “Goodbye Harry” needs a comma.
I think you tend to overuse contractions. Technically, contractions aren’t supposed to be used in formal writing (except, of course, in dialogue), but it’s usually possible to sneak a few in. However, you should avoid using a great deal, as it makes the writing seem too informal, so I’d advise expanding them: “she’s” goes to “she is,” and the like.
I was surprised to see Ginny using a lighter to burn the clipping – couldn’t she just use her wand? It’s a silly little nitpick, I know, but sometimes little things like that are enough to make or break the atmosphere of a story.
No one can hear the screams of a ghost. Nice! Very interesting idea here. I’m wondering about the distinction between this Harry-ghost, whom no one can see, and the usual ghost, which seems to be quite a common occurrence. I can understand the idea of having a ghost that isn’t physical, but you might want to mention this distinction at some point. Nevertheless, I really like that line. A ghost that can’t make a difference no matter how hard it tries – how sad, to be able to watch but not to do anything.
I really like what you’ve done with the perspective switch. It starts with Harry, who is unable to make himself heard at all. We see his growing frustration at being unable to comfort Ginny, and I expected that you were going to show us his relief when Ginny finally let go of her pain. However, I like what you did much better. Switching to Ginny’s perspective as Harry fades away is very well done, because it emphasizes the fact that the focus of the story is not Harry, but Ginny. Your story is a switch from the ghost-philosophy of Nearly Headless Nick, who says that the people who become ghosts are the ones that are too afraid to die. Nevertheless, I really like your idea, that there are two kinds of ghosts – the physical ones that can be seen, which are ghosts as a result of their own decisions, and the intangible ones that cannot be seen, which are there because of other’s reactions. Also, I like that you include an element of choice in this second kind of ghost – Ginny chooses to end her stage of grieving, and thus she chooses to set Harry free. Very nice!
That's so sad! Great job though, it's a good story. I really liked it!