Jenna, you cannot imagine my surprise when I saw that you had written me a Draco/Ginny story. I know that these aren't your favorite characters in the Potterverse and the fact that you've written such a pairing for me makes me want to huggle you to death. Before I get on to the real reviewing (although I doubt if it could be considered as 'real', because the occasional hug or squee will get in there somehow) I want you to know that I appreciate this so, so much. Thank you, love, for writing me fire&ice as a birthday fic!
The first few paragraphs are *guh*. Complete and utter *guh*. The description is stunning -- your use of words embellishes the story you're trying to relay to your readers and gives it a delicate feel. Which is quite interesting because the rest of the story, or rather, what the characters in it feel, is the opposite of delicate. I find that intriguing -- the way you've almost surprised your readers by beginning with saccharine imagery and then progressing onto harsh, deeper feelings.
You're quite selective about what you want to relate to the reader in that first section.
By putting it on a separate line of it's own, you only reinforce the two words and give it special emphasis. She's doing this all for him which shows her rather strong attachment to Draco, contributing to the information that the readers already have.
She would have to leave. She would have to hide. She would have to risk her life, and leave her family in the dark in the hopes she wouldnít risk theirs.
I love, love, love the repetition in this. If used in the incorrect context, repetition WILL appear too redundant, but it's only perfect here. *grins* It conveys very powerful feelings out to the audience, ones that are the base of what Ginny's going through.
The conversation between Draco and Ginny in the garden is so realistic under the circumstances. Ginny's reaction to him is exceptionally well-done... and Draco is actually begging. You give solid reasons for him to be doing so; the condition he's in and the turn of events that he's faced are rational. The entire hasty discussion between them is engaging and entertaining. *HEARTS DRACO IN THIS*
If you would have left it at that, not including the following part, it still would have been awesome. Yet this makes it all the better:
ďIíll call you whatever you want. Just help me.Ē
Whether you intended it or not, it made me laugh. Draco is so submissive and acquiescent here that he delivers such lines that seem humorous, since they aren't true to his nature. If you had written: "I'll call you whatever I want," then it wouldn't have been as effective, because Draco wouldn't have sounded as real. The lines that you've given him may sound strange or awkward coming from him, since we're not used in seeing Draco in a position in which he needs to physically plead or admit something that is derogatory unto himself -- you manage to keep the seriousness intact throughout their conversation and that is worth commenting on here.
ďI donít want one more person to worry about while I sit on my arse and do nothing, thatís what! Itís not fair to me, and itís not right, either. Itís not right for me to sit here and let the people I love suffer!Ē
At which point Anna swallowed hard and blinked at the screen while she read on.
The ending is highly ardent and somehow comforting, to know that Ginny is leaving with Draco and that they are making a new life together, letting go of everything else.
*loves Jenna and beams*
One of my favorite D/G stories -- if you wrote it in only an hour or so, that feat proves what a talented author you are. *SQUEES*
Thank you x a million for the simply amazing story. *tackles*
Now do you see why Draco/Ginny is so awesome to read?
I'm going to dive into my favorite thing about this story right now. I usually save it for last, but this is a special case.
I loved your use of imagery. Loved with a capital L. Especially in the beginning. You slowly eased us into the chapter instead slapping us with a quote or something of that sort. You gave us a picture of Ginny's character at an angle I've never seen before: miserable, angry, and worried. Truthfully, there aren't many stories that really address all her concerns, concerns that thankfully don't revolve around Harry, in such a manner. I felt I really knew her but at the same time made her such a mystery. I don't know how you do it, but you keep at it, ya hear?
All jokes set aside, I'm going to continue this review. [Not sure if SPEW reviews should contain attempts at humor]
THANK YOU for not letting Ginny catch Draco just before he collapsed with no questions asked. THANK YOU for making her human, Weasley, and enemy-suspicious by believing for a moment that it was a trap. I highly doubt anyone in that time, especially not with all that worry on her mind would actually hurry to a known Death Eater's legacy's side and just heal him back to health like an airhead who can't think. Draco's story was also very believable. Being a child of
LusciousLucius and Narcissa would obviously get you into the inner circle of Death Eaters. So most of his friends, most of his acquaintances would be those Death Eaters, the same Death Eaters that are chasing him.
He was always unable to look her in the eye. It reminded her of Percy, when he would pass them in the Alley; she knew it was a matter of broken pride.
Brilliant. I didn't see the connection with Percy until now. If only I was ingenius enough to have thought of this first and incorporated it in my own stories. Now that you mention it, Percy and Draco really are similar. Uncannily similar.
Now for a few critiques.
"Blood stained" should be hyphenated. That's a small one, and the only true grammar mistake I could find apart from the next one.
Stop calling me ‘Ginny’, since when
The comma should actually be a semi-colon or a period. It's a bit awkward seeing a comma act like a period and separating two separate sentences with no conjunction in between. It's a bit of a run-on. There are a few of these throughout the story and they might not be as easy to spot as other mistakes.
"God," I thought should be capitalized in "Oh my God." But I could be wrong about this one. It's just I've never seen "God" uncapitalised except when referring to pagan gods and not the one Christian God.
The way Ginny reacted to Draco's appearance at first made me believe that Ginny knew Draco as a friend. She didn't react by pulling out a wand (something I would've suspected a person would do in dark times such as those when a mysterious dark person addressed you in your own home) or by doing anything else but saying his name. As I read on, this theory wasn't consistent with what you wrote (You fancied yourself up with transfiguration spells, and you’ve come to take me to them or something.). So maybe, if you could try to make Ginny a bit more startled by Draco's appearance. It seemed like she not only didn't fear him, but she expected him.
That's really it from me. I'm not sure if I had thought to say something else (I might've forgotten). But, again, I felt very much connected with this story. The love between Ginny and Draco was subtle and fragile, but the ending seems very definite and I'm sure everything worked out for them.
Good job with this story, Jenna. I'm sure Peri-Anna loved it as much as I did.
Author's Response: I really appreciate the feedback on Ginny's reaction. I wrote this within an hour, so, I'm quite sure there is room for improvement. The only thing I'm keeping is 'god' uncapitalised. In the HP world, it just seems more appropriate, less offencive, and much less annoying than "oh my gods" which I see too often -_- Anyway. Glad you enjoyed it! I think I might actually turn this into a chaptered-fic, if only to satiate the 2334 D/G shippers I know ;)
Author's Response: thanks, I'm glad you liked it :)