Reviewer: rrraacchh
Date: 08/17/07 17:52
Chapter: Chapter 1

the opening paragraph was amazing :]

Reviewer: kumydabookworm
Date: 06/18/07 6:45
Chapter: Chapter 1

*reposting review because it got cut off*

This was gorgeous. I’ll have to think of a way I can coerce you into writing a Kumy/Draco. *giggles* Seriously, Mar, I have no idea how you managed to have such a softie!Draco and I still liked the story!

Well, let’s start from the top. The descriptive lines where he kisses her and then leans his forehead against her, just breathing her in – those are HOTT. >.< *ahem* Really, they made me shiver a little. Hee. Your lines of imagery are just woven into the prose and truly hit home every time. Great job with that.

I also loved the line, “They said he had been in the tower. They said he was a Death Eater.” You do a great job here of isolating those lines and they clunked like a really heavy weight in my stomach, thanks to the short length and the bit of parallel structure you have going on. *sigh* It was beautiful.

I also liked the interaction of I’m not good-you’re not evil-because of you. The grimness in the middle was nicely balanced out by the hope at the end. *happy dance* This story just made me smile and squee and giggle and love Draco even more!

A few things to pick at, first being Draco’s characterization. He’s missing snarkiness, but that’s okay in such a solemn, serious goodbye moment. But there’s still something else in his character that is missing for me. You’ve done a great job of showing how YOUNG he is. A lot of authors forget that Draco’s just a seventeen year old boy, son of a Death Eater or not, and you use that sort of vulnerability well.

But…seventeen year old boys ALSO have a swagger. We’re missing that. I would expect him to make a bold promise of, “Don’t worry. I’ll be back for you,” or something. Even if he knows the consequences of war well, we teenagers have a tendency to think “It can’t happen to us,” and to in general be a bit stupid. :P

Also, the first paragraph of the story is a bit awkward. The transition to the “This was affecting a girl named Anna…” line just doesn’t work. The perspective change from broad (could be anyone) to narrow (just Anna) is jarring.

I’m not point it out because it’s bad, necessarily, but because it could be better, and I know that you have done better. Fixing it would make the beginning smoother and pull the reader in more to the story.

Overall, Mar, a brilliant job like always!

Kumy

Reviewer: kumydabookworm
Date: 06/18/07 1:03
Chapter: Chapter 1

This was gorgeous. I’ll have to think of a way I can coerce you into writing a Kumy/Draco. *giggles* Seriously, Mar, I have no idea how you managed to have such a softie!Draco and I still liked the story!

Well, let’s start from the top. The descriptive lines where he kisses her and then leans his forehead against her, just breathing her in – those are HOTT. >.< *ahem* Really, they made me shiver a little. Hee. Your lines of imagery are just woven into the prose and truly hit home every time. Great job with that.

I also loved the line, “They said he had been in the tower. They said he was a Death Eater.” You do a great job here of isolating those lines and they clunked like a really heavy weight in my stomach, thanks to the short length and the bit of parallel structure you have going on. *sigh* It was beautiful.

I also liked the interaction of I’m not good-you’re not evil-because of you. The grimness in the middle was nicely balanced out by the hope at the end. *happy dance* This story just made me smile and squee and giggle and

Reviewer: Samantha Sharp
Date: 12/26/06 21:20
Chapter: Chapter 1

i very much like this story.
it is quite short.
but good none the less.
awesome job.

Reviewer: Lurid
Date: 12/25/06 5:24
Chapter: Chapter 1

I like the way, at the start, it seems she's separating herself from the confusion and her emotions be referring to herself as 'one', and also at the end, 'It no longer felt like he was seventeen and that she was sixteen; too much had happened now. Too much even in those few short minutes. ' is a good finish, because it emphasises the maturity that war instates in some people, and how it can change and distance them forever. =].

Reviewer: DracoQueen
Date: 09/13/06 3:55
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wow. This is really good. I like the creation of atmosphere, really powerful! Well done, i will continue to read! :)

Reviewer: HPLoverForever
Date: 09/13/06 0:22
Chapter: Chapter 1

-adores fic-
-adores Anna-
-adores Marie-

-runs away dancing and singing happy birthday-

Reviewer: Periwinkle
Date: 09/12/06 7:31
Chapter: Chapter 1

MARIE. OMFG MARIE. YOU WONDERFUL, AMAZING, LOVELY PERSON. MARIE. OMG.

It's Anna/Draco! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* And Mar wrote it!

I can't type at all right now, I am that happy! I never expected this == you cannot imagine the shocking surprise I'm going through.

*HUGGLESTACKLESPOUNCESLOVESIMMENSELY*

It is bad enough to lose a beloved headmaster that one has revered for five years. Bad enough to be mourning with one’s friends over such a profound death. Compound it by the fact that the entirety of wizarding Britain, and much of the rest of the world, felt his loss. This was affecting a girl named Anna, but as she left school and her friends behind, when she was now home and left alone with her thoughts, all she could think of were the rumors.

That is a great beginning. It jumps into the mood, into the feelings that Anna is going through and how she is coping with them.

*randomly squeals while she's reviewing this*

The raging storm outside served as a sympathetic companion to the turmoil she felt inside. She couldn’t stand to be in the quiet of the house anymore, and the rain would be able to mingle with her tears. Maybe she could forget she was crying for what felt like a sort of betrayal. Not betrayal outright, but it hurt her heart and left her confused.

Metaphors! I love metaphors. *nods* It's exactly how I would have felt had the circumstances arised. Mar == you know me too well. The description here is stunning; it makes the fic so much better. The word choice...the depth behind the words...wow, Mar. Thank you sooo much for writing this for me!

Holding her, kissing her, hearing his name escape her lips, it was the healing balm he needed, and for a few more moments he simply closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. He soaked in the feeling that was her. She soothed him in a way he couldn’t have imagined, and it rivaled any sort of magic he’d ever studied or experienced. He wondered how she could still kiss him. His actions had been nothing but dastardly, but he clung to her now.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Mar, have I ever told you how much I love you?

he hugged him tightly. “It will,” she whispered in his ear, “I know it will. When we’re together, everything will be good.”

“I’m not good, Anna.”

“You’re not evil,” she countered firmly, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes.

“Because of you. There are a lot of things I need to fix before we’ll be able to see each other again. There’s a war to be fought.”

“The storm will end,” she paused to place a soft, quick kiss on his lips, “and so will this war.”


I. love. this. part. It shows how they can withstand all the turmoil around them, how they can leave just a little hope for themselves, how they can cope with all the worry and stress.

asdjfiaodnf asdfnadfn kafdsakj

Thank you so much Mar. I didn't expect you to write me a bday fic, or anyone for that matter...guh, you are love. *huggles*

THANK YOU. *rereads*




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