Oooh, Voldy's scary here....
Bellatrix and Lucius are well done, nice job.
Right before Bellatrix kills Regulus, it says "Then, out of nowhere, it happened." But I don't really think that makes sense because Regulus is expecting her to kill him, it wasn't really "out of nowhere."
Hmmm Voldy doesn't know she's still alive...and he bothered to come finish off Dennis...curiouser and curiouser!
Amy and Dennis are a little flat though, I would have liked to see more character development.
And, I don't really see Voldemort as saying "your worst nightmare." I think it's a little cheesy for our sophisticated villian.
Oooh, I like this chapter. The suspense of Amy going into the cave was great, it was gory and scary and excellent.
I would have liked to learn more about Amy and Dennis, though, the conversation in the beginning of this chapter could have been expanded.
One little nitpick: "it didn't appear to have a scent." doesn't make sense because she "sniffed the contents" to see if it had a scent, she wasn't going by how it appeared.
Ahh! I thought Voldy killed her! I'm excited to read more.
I'm curious about Amy and Dennis's relationship, it seems a little one-dimensional so far.
I loved Dumbledore making Tom apologize. Dumbledore's dialogue was great, he was characterized well.
Tom's characterization bothered me a bit though. A few times in this chapter, he seems more like a traditional bully (grabbing her backpack, pulling her hair, smashing her window). Tom is more sneaky than confrontational.
And, I don't think it makes sense that 'blood spurted everywhere' when the snake bit Amy, because then there would have been proof for Mrs. Cole. I think Mrs. Cole wouldn't believe her only if there was no blood. Plus, it would show Tom's use of magic if Amy didn't bleed from the bite.
I like this, I've never read a fic about Amy and Dennis, that's a cool idea. Tom was characterized well. I like the back story you created to the potion Dumbledore had to drink. I'm curious how Tom did it. Was it only a spell he cast on her? Or had he been planning this for a while and Amy had been poisoned or charmed over a long period of time?
A few things I'd like to point out: Tom Riddle was 10 in the 1930s, so there was no TV. And I don't think Mrs. Cole would have trusted Tom to let him go exploring with Amy and Dennis. (I'm pretty sure it's spelled with two n's.)
What an interesting twist! I enjoyed this chapter very much - it seemed very realistic and just like something that a young Tome Riddle would do.
I was rather surprised that Amy would have gone to Tom to have her hair fixed. Although, this probably stems from the fact that the first image that flashed into my mind was that of Tom Riddle in a beauty shop. Actually, it makes sense that she would have only gone to the older children to have her hair fixed; the image just caught me by surprise.
The scene in which Tom tortures Amy was very well written. I liked how there was a minimum of description and how it was mostly focused on the dialogue. I’m not sure if it was your intention, but it makes the reader feel more like Denis - we are almost in the dark about what Tom is doing.
The fact that the “potion” is truly Amy’s vomit (or the basis of the potion - not sure which) is a very clever twist. I was certainly not expecting that. I wonder, though, did Tom know that was going to happen?
Anyways, excellent chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!rnThe image of Tom Riddle in a beauty shop made me burst out laughing - it's not exactly what I imagined when writing this chapter!rnThanks for all the interesting feedback on this chapter, it was very thought-provoking and nice to hear.rnCheers,rnEllie :D
Ellie! First of all, this story is absolutely wonderful. Very nice cliffie at the end of this chapter. ;]
I think you're doing a splendid job with plot and dialogue...the story is very fast-paced; I just wanted to keep reading. [Your grammar/punctuation is good, too.] All around, it's a great story; you could have a bit more subtle characterization, perhaps? Altogether, however, it was very fun to read.
Can't wait for chapter 7! Talk to you soon.
[and green ketchup bottles, of course]
Author's Response: Blair!!! You're reviewing my story? *huggles*rnI'll definitely work on the characterization, thanks for bringing that to my attention. And thank you so much for all the wonderful comments - they made my day :DrnHope to talk to you VERY soon!rnCheers,rnEllie :D
Yes, ma'am, here's your review :)
I'm kidding, 'tis a pleasure to put my humble words upon this wonderous page of greatly esteemed wistom :)
Seeya in a minute in Latin!
And, as I said lasttime, great chapter, but you NEVER UPDATE!!!!
PS - don't look behind you.
Author's Response: Oooh! Don't scare me like that!!! OK Kathy? Stop standing behind me to give me heart-attacks! I loved your review though! Ellie xxx
Woah, that was freaky! The whole Voldy missed Amy, that was brilliant, and well worth the wait! Nice cliffhanger!! But I'm coming to steal that next chapter off you (I DO know where you live) Bellatrix was so ... Bellaish, it was scary. Anyways, see you wednesday! Halloween! And this story really gets you into the whole scary creepy mood, no seriously, the last bit with voldy sends shivers up your spine. That was really brilliant Ellie, WOW,
Author's Response: Aww *huggles* And please do NOT steal my next chapter! (Anyway, I know whre YOU live so I can just steal it back!!) I'm really glad you liked the chapter and I can't wait for Halloween! Yippee! Ellie :D
Oh, I forgot to add, if you don't update, you're dead meat!
Author's Response: *gulp*
Interesting twist, i sppose you wrote this beforew Deathly Hallows came out. I loved the cliffhanger at the end, please write the next chapter quickly!
Author's Response: Thanks! And I promise Ch 7 will be up soon (it's about 3/4 finished)!
Oh my gosh, good chapter, why did Denis have to die? You could have kept him alive just a bit longer!
Author's Response: I know, I'm sorry! I actually cried when he died, even though I knew it was going to happen :(
Great chapter. And Tom is kind of... freaky for keeping the death notices, but he is the eeeebil Dark Lord after all. ;-) Hope the next chapter goes up sooner, too. (Also, just want to let you know that I'm going to have a third part to ITSOTS up soon in case you want to check it out.)
Author's Response: ZOHMIGOSH! There's going to be a THIRD part???!!! *squee* Oh that's just made my day :D Glad you enjoyed the chapter! :D
Creepyishness! AHHH RUNN!! This is a very origional story and an ineresting idea on how R.A.B died too. Please update soon!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! The chapters already written and I'm going to send it off to my beta this week :D
Wow! What an original story, I'm glad I stumbled upon this. It's very well written, and I like the fact that you used Regulus in the story. I'll keep reading...
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
You are soo dead, Ellie, if you don't update faster this time. As it is, I'll just give you an E-crucio. E-Cruico!
Great chapter, by the way
Author's Response: I promise I will :D Don't E-Crucio me...that's mean! Ellie xxx
Yay it updated! u must be thrilled!
That chapter was brill.
Bella was really freaking me out though calling Regulus, Reggie.... spoooky! But she was perfect. I feel so sorry for Amy now, Vold-Pants in on her trail! AHHHHH FLEEE , LOL
Keep up with the gd work! (that means MORE chappies ,ellie!)
Author's Response: I am thrilled! *does happy dance!* Yay! I freaked you out! *squee* Chapter seven coming soon (and this time, I mean it!) Ellie xxx
Hey, long time no talk! Good chapter! Really loved the cliffhanger. How could Amy have done all that without magic though? And how could she have touched the liquid? ~Dara
Author's Response: Hey! I'm glad you enjoyed it =D Amy has a sort of connection to the magical world and liquid through herself and through Tom. She's not exactly your average muggle!
I liked it but Amy passed out WAY too many times.
It was a good twist
Author's Response: Yeah she did pass out a lot. But in fairness, I don't think climbing down a cliff and being half-wrestled to death easy!