Remus/Lily: a pairing that I never really contemplated before. A really nice story which got me thinking a bit.
When I read that James was going to be there I just thought 'Oh My God. Is he going to speak against the marriage' but he didn't, and however interesting I think that would've been, I'm glad he didn't.
Wow, what a short ceremony after all that waiting around. My kind of wedding. The part of this fic that hit me most was James looking like a man who'd shattered and glued himself back together. Such a deep description. I know this is all about Lily and Remus, but I can't get James out of my head, it's a classic case of the one that got away.
Odd - very odd... pity you could'nt have elaborated on James' feeling if annoyance, or saddening defiance at Remus marrying Lily, all in all good story!
that's so sweet...
Wow. Just...wow. The emotion in this one-shot is absolutely wonderful. The language and the way you worded your sentences makes everything seem really fragile and and cherishable, which is exactly the feeling I think you wanted your readers to get about their love. It really makes you stop and think about Lily and Remus as a couple. Although, I must admit it would have been even more interesting to see a bit more of James’s feelings towards the marriage. It seemed as if you had a whole back story planned out, but I can see that it would have been difficult to make it fit without making it feel forced.
Remus gazed down at her, his whiskey-colored eyes lidded.
Maybe I’m just being abnormally thick this morning, but this sentence is really confusing me. If you had only wrote, ‘His whiskey-coloured eyes were lidded.' I would think they were mean that they were closed. However, Remus was gazing at her, an action that usually requires the eyes to be open.
Also, colored is the American spelling, it should really be coloured, the British one.
His pristine features were filled with disdain and his careless hair fell into his eyes with casual elegance.
You’re missing a comma between ‘disdain’ and ‘and.’
I love the description of Sirius here. It’s really a quite simple explanation, but it paints a very nice image. Wonderful job! Although, I can’t help but wonder why Sirius seemed so upset in the dress shop with Remus, but afterwards and at the wedding he was his normal, friendly self. Was it simply the fact that he was in a dress shop? Or was it because it was tired of being in the awkward tension of the middle between James and Remus?
“I’m gonna get dress. Meet you outside,” Sirius said, tugging his bow tie off and curling it around his fist.
It should be dressed, rather than dress.
Remus shrugged. “Her sister is coming in for the wedding. Taking a muggle aeroplane, I hear. Lily’s meeting her when she arrives.”
Muggle should be capitalized.
I really liked how this lead into the next section with Lily and Petunia at the house. It really helped with the flow between the point-of-views switching and everything. It made it feel really natural.
“I’m just surprise that he wants to go.”
You’re missing the ‘d’ on the end of surprised.
Lily’s voice was like bitter chocolate: It seemed sweet and good, but everyone knew the inside was dead and pasty tasting.
You really have a talent at imagery. This sentence it absolutely amazing. When I read this sentence, I can practically hear Lily talking in her fake-sweet voice, trying to be patient and keep her sister happy. Wonderful job! =]
James smiled softly with small eyes, and he looked like a man who had shattered and glued himself back together.
This is my favourite sentence in the entire one-shot. Without even knowing the current relationship between the wedding couple and James, my heart goes out to him. I think it’s really interesting how you managed to capture his heart break and sadness without ever mentioning how sad he looked.
Holding it to their entwined fingers, he said, “We bond this love. We bond this marriage.”
I think it should be bind. Bond just sounds rather awkward to me.
Overall, this was really quite amazing. You have a true gift with imagery. I’ve never really been that interested in Lily/Remus, but I must admit you’ve lit a spark inside me to go read more. =]
i like it i was thinking how would it end up if lily married sirius or Remus
Author's Response: Well, there would be no Harry . . . But really, who cares? XD Thanks for the review!
this was really good. and very well written.
but, i just can't see Lily with anyone except James. =]
Author's Response: Hehehe, thank you! Yeah - Lily really can't be with anyone but James. XD
Wow that's really good! I completely caught the tension between James and Remus and I loved the description you gave of James. The characters were perfectly in character and I love this pairing! If I had a hat, I would take it off to you!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! You know, I really like this pairing as well. I sort of felt bad for James in this fic, didn't you? :D Thanks for the comment!
First reviewer! *plays kazoo* I like Remus/Lily fics, but they're so hard to find. Great story!
Author's Response: I know! Isn't it just a great pairing? It seems like they would be perfect for each other! :D Thank you so much for your review.