Very well written, but exttremely depressing.
*speechless* I really don't know what to say....it's just....wow....
But, maybe I'm just really daft (it's quite possible; it's four AM), but does Snape really not care? I honestly can't tell. I'm rather confused. But this piece was incredible. Right on the Favourites.
Author's Response: I'd like to think that Snape, as a young boy, would have put every ounce of mental strength he had into trying not to care. And a part of him achieves this effect; he has managed to force the majority of his mentality into mild annoyance and disdain for what has happened. By holding himself back from what, for most people, would be an automatic emotional response, he has made himself calm, cool and unaffected. He doesn't put much stock into displays of emotion and would consider them a weakness, so he is doing his best to try and not feel anything by continuously disdaining, insulting, and assuring that he feels nothing. Though, by the end, the events and his repression of his natural emotions have taken their toll on him, and he finds that he can't bear to remain in the hall, where emotions are so high. So, he finds an excuse and launches himself out of the situation.
This was a very dark story! Amazing writing, dear. I really liked your characterisation and storyline.
This was an interesting concept to write about. Did you happen to get this idea from Columbine, or another school shooting? It was very sadly portrayed the way you wrote it, and it was very real.
His skin is white as the milk I [i]ought[/i] to have had for my breakfast this morning.
. . . he could have killed more than a mere [i]five[/i] Mudbloods.'
In both of these, I think that you mean to have the other italics tags--- those are the ones on the forums.
Show them Oswel, Severus. Wipe the smile off their bloody face. Show them Oswel.
Oh, gosh! This gave me chills. Even though it's just a few words, they hold great meaning. These words, whether he chooses to follow or not, could be his choice between a life of passion and his doing and choices, versus a shortened version of life in Azkaban or getting the Kiss.
I would really have liked to have seen more substance in this; what you have is beautiful and heart wrenching, but I really would have liked to have seen . . . perhaps, what Snape did in the Library, what Dumbledore and ministry did with Oswel, and perhaps even some flashbacks with more description on what had happened to the five who had died. I really, really, really like what you have, though.
I really liked how you had Snape portrayed. Not exactly his characterisation being IC, but his thoughts, and actions. The way he sat there and kind of listened to Dumbledore, and thought about how he didn’t want to be there . . . It was so Snape-ish!
Snape’s characterisation was spot on. I really like how you’ve written him; I can just see him sitting next to Lucius and telling him to go to the library and all of his thoughts weaving in and out of his mind. Brilliant. I actually didn’t know it was him until someone mentioned his name.
But the thing I really loved about Severus’ characterisation was how he was kind of . . . breaking away from Lucius and Bellatrix. He didn’t listen to what they were saying, and he kind of defied them. A bit like how he has been doing with Voldemort, since he keeps on changing sides. If he would have listened to them and hexed and/or murdered James and Sirius, then he too would have ended up like Oswel.
By the way, is Oswel a character of your own making, or is it a canon character that you decided to go more and more in depth with? If so, he’s radiant as well. You wrote the killer perfectly in this story.
Ooh, and the way he killed them? Chilling.
Characterisation seems to be your strong point, most definitely. You should write more fictions centering around Snape. Great work! I really liked this.
Wow, incredibly dark fic. Why would Norbert do such a thing? Kind of scary, reading this after what happened in VA. Freaky but good! It's excellently written! I love it! 10/10!~
That was a very powerful piece. The title makes it seem like a humourous fiction, but it is just the opposite. I love how the story is from Snapes POV. You have him being the tough bad boy, but inside, he hurts. I'm guessing you think Snape is good.
I thought the way you put snippets of Dumbledore's speech throughout was great. You got the vibe coming from Dumbledore to stay strong, the vibe coming from Lucius that its good that they died, and the vibe coming from Snape about how repulsive it is that five people could die.
Its ironic that I'm reading this just days after the Virgina Tech bombing, they relate so much. Yoiur fic made me reflect on the bombing and the innocent lives that were lost. Thank you for giving me this oppurtunity.
This is a great piece of writing. May you continue to move your readers as you moved me.
PS When you italicize things on MNFF, you have to use these tags () as opposed to these ([i]). Those ones are only used on the forums.
PS. I read the story because I like your banner art.
You've really got him weaving between having a conscience (sort of) vs. not giving a damn. Morally neutral and morally neutered. Revolted but not outraged. Going dark, but with the light not quite out. Good job. GW.
Wow. That was such a powerful story. It's so horribly realistic. Actually, it made me think of Columbine a bit.
Your portrayal of Snape's thoughts was very good and IC. You captured his voice really well.
I'm afraid I can't think of much to write right now. That always happens to me straight after I read such an emotional, beautiful story. All I can say is that I absolutely loved this. Well done!
I like your charcter of Snape. I like how even though everyone is moping he know that that isn'e the thing to do. though some of his comments are evil, it just adds to his character.
I like how you hint at other aspects of Snape's life. Sirius's grin, Lily's tears and so on. I also like how you put in Lucius's Munipulating of his fellow Slytherins, just as his son does during his days at Hogwarts.
Furthermore, I like how Snaoe breaks free of Lucius. It reflects his charcter like nothing else, for he did break free of Lord Voldemort.
All in all, I loved it.
OMG! That was so good! I love hte use of present tense and how it gives such a creepy, yet exciting feel! The imagery is really nice here! I love how you accociate red with blood and the Gryffindors.
You get into the mind of Snape so well. He's so different, yet in character. Fabulous job!
I read this in your Drabble section, and was thrilled to see that it was validated on the site! You wrote Snape’s thoughts so well, and it was very captivating. I started reading and couldn’t stop. You did an excellent job with the first paragraph. It was very descriptive, and I could easily picture the red color you were describing. I also liked the ending line!
The plot was great as well. It was original, and certainly something I wouldn’t have thought could happen at Hogwarts. I had never imagined students other than Myrtle and Cedric being killed there. But after reading your story, I think it’s definitely a possibility.
I wonder if you’d ever write a companion to this…Like a story about Oswel’s thoughts while killing all the people. I’d be interested to find out some background information.
You do have one error where the italics didn’t work, so you might want to fix it…
“His skin is white as the milk I [i]ought[/i] to have had for my breakfast this morning.”
But other than that, I didn’t find anything wrong with the story, and the deliberate mistakes you made added to Snape’s narration.
Well, great story, and I hope to see some more from you soon!
This story is very beautifully written. I didn't know it was Snape until Lucius mentioned his name because at first, his thoughts were actually, er, innocent? Not exactly what I expected from Severus Snape even though I knew it was based on a twelve year old's point of view. But you certainly portrayed Snape excellently. There is more to him than meets the eye. Overall, a very good story. Love it!
Wow. At first I had no clue it was Snape. But it was good, having it be him. I think it might have been interesting to try to not actually "give him a name" until "Snape? Snape --- where the hell..." I love how Snape thinks like a kid, but also a bit like the person we know in canon - trying to be unfeeling and uncaring, and making everyone think he is. Another idea that (while not exactly 'appealing') really was original and very thought-provoking was the "Hogwarts/Columbine (to use the most known example)" idea. After all, we know there are crazy wizards/witches *cough* Bellatrix *cough*. Anyway... great story!
Author's Response: Hehe, thanks. I had actually just been reading this book called 'After', which is about a school that goes barmy after a nearby school has a Columbine-like sort of event, and it put me in this mode where I started thinking of what if it happened at Hogwarts, and then I was like, well, who better than Snape to tell an emotional story, right? So, yeah, it sort of came out of that. I dunno. Thanks very much, though.