I like it a lot but at the last para. his mum should of smiled!cheers mate!
This… when I first read it, made my so sad, because of the truth in what Neville was saying. It’s exactly what all the children think in their small, ignorant ways. Him pleading for her to come home, if only she was a little better, or he was less “naughty” – it breaks my heart with how their minds work, as if it’s their fault.
The childish innocence with which Neville grows up is just… everything he says has so much truth to it, and I think you’ve captured the innocence of repeating everything, of saying the obvious – all the stuff that ticks the parents off :). I love this line, after some consideration - Granny says I shouldn’t make pointless wishes too. When I first read it, I was like… hmm, pointless is a little advanced for his age. And then, I just grinned, because I knew that I used to do that as a child too.
The misspelled words at the start make it quite obvious that he’s young, but I do think perhaps it’s a little too much, coming back. Then again, you do know that he’s younger, and he’s writing these letters (are they actually letters, or just conversations to her at her bedside?) so you do need that little thing. I’m just a bit pedantic, and I have my ways, so I won’t go on about it too much. I do think it does highlight his maturation nicely, though. I’m so torn with criticising -_-.
It’ll give you some practice, and then maybe someday, you’ll be able to take care of me.. Aww. I said “aww” aloud. Good thing I’m in a corner at school, and no one else is on the computer next to me or they’d thing I’m silly >.> But this is so sad. It reminds me of when you’re younger, and you’ve got your dolls. – reminisces - As I said, you’ve captured the different life cycles (and Neville’s personality) very well. It just draws you in, because you grow up with Neville, and experience the heartbreaks he doesn’t say he did in the books. A good amount of back story, actually.
“And you’re going to be proud of me.” I got the biggest chills in that last paragraph, like you wouldn’t know. My jeez. He just grew up so quickly, and it was just… so endearing to know he still wrote letters to her. I’d love a short drabble on just him kissing her goodbye or something. It’s just… so Neville. I think you’ve written him wonderfully.
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I don't even know how to reply to this review, it's so beautiful. All I can say is thank you for having so much to comment on, you've really made my day! x
You make me feel so proud of Neville in this story. I really like how you strategically built the story up to the end, first focusing on "trivial" matters like his first painting and the moving into the second war. While you did that, you really brought out Neville's character, and I can see so clearly how his character grows in the span of, say twelve years.
It's heart-wrenching to see Neville's innocence in the first paragraph. I can just picture a little boy tugging on his unresponsive mother's arm. He seems so desperate to know his mummy and to make everyone around him better. And I do agree that she would be able to hear what he has to say even if she can't respond.
Neville was never portrayed as the bravest person in the book, and you showed that bravery was never one of his qualities in childhood. It makes watching him grow up so satisfying to know that he had worked to hard to prove so many people wrong. His low self-esteem at times in your story, "I'm nobody," really makes me want to shake him or hold him and cry, just telling him that he could do it.
This was a beautiful story that had me in tears by the end. Neville wasn't a character that we truly understood in the series, but here, I understand him and respect him so much more than Harry at times. He opens up to the only person he can open up to: his mother. Though he had escaped the prophecy, we still see his suffering and we still see his determination to fight for what's right. Absolutely beautiful.
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much for such a kind review. I'd been considering having a spring clean through all my fics and was going to remove this piece - I'd never really thought very much of it before. Your review has really made my day, and I think I'll keep it up a little longer now. I'm so glad you thought I portrayed Neville correctly. I love his character, I think he's someone who suffers a lot more than any of the other characters realise and he deserves his moments of glory. He is incredibly brave, he just needs to realise it! Thank you so much, xx
I swear I didn’st, Mummy.
A little typo in the word "didn't".
I brought you a Puffapod plant to sit by your bed. I thought you might like to take care of something. It’ll give you some practice, and then maybe someday, you’ll be able to take care of me.
I thought this line was so touching and cute. It was such a real Neville thing to say, I could have sworn it was right out of the books.
A note on your paragraphs: they got a bit lengthy sometimes, and kind of hard to read. If you added a few breaks in here and there, it would be easier on the eyes. Don't worry; I do the same thing.
I really liked how you progressed with Neville throughout the story. I think you kept him in character the entire time, and really developed him well as he got older.
You captured his emotions perfectly, however when you were writing the younger Neville, some of the things he said seemed to be a bit too... mature for someone of his age. It just struck me as a bit odd that someone so little would say something so deep. I know that it could happen, but maybe it would have been better to keep it as more of a special occurence. :)
Anyways, I really liked it and thought it was very sweet.
Author's Response: Thanks very much for your lovely review. The paragraphs were that length because I felt otherwise it would be slightly confusing when for the reader to tell when it was finishing one 'visit' and starting the next. However, I did feel as I was writing it that they were slightly too chunky so we had the same perspective on that, lol! The typo at the beginning was also intentional - I was trying to imitate 'toddler speak'. However, I'm not entirely sure it came off the way I wanted it to. Thanks for picking that up and telling me about it.
Ok, you made me cry! good tears, good tears...I'm a mother, and I hope my children love me that much...(OF course, in a way it is much easier to love a mother who never makes you eat your peas...)
I like the way you "age" him as it goes along.
I love the way he pulls the lion in him out "By t e scruff of the nec.k"
I'm not entirely certain that it's really entirely Neville's diction and voice int he later entires, but we never hear very much from him at once in Canon, so it is hard to tell, isn't it?
I love your concept, and I really enjoyed the story.
Author's Response: Lol, thank you very much. I hate saying that I love to make people cry - it sounds completely horrible, lol. I'm glad it had such an effect on you, however, that was, after all, the intention! Thanks so much for your lovely review!
This is an incredible perspective into Neville's life and his thoughts- very truthful, very sad, but very hopeful. Nice job.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm very glad you thought so!