Great chapter! I am really starting to like this story very much. I think that you did Molly and Arthur much better this time around. ;) Well, firsst, towards the end I saw several little spelling errors that you would have missed if you we'rent paying attention to it. Second, I thought that in the beginning, thestory was a bit unconnected. Not ca't understand it connected, but more...it wasn't running smoothly along. It seemed abrupt. But that was just in the beginning of the chapter, so no worries. Also, and this might only be because I haven't read the first chapter in two weeks, I was a little confused on some of the characters. For example, I have no idea who Shane is...must read the first chapter again...ah well. I like how you are using Maeve in the story, like someone to prod Molly and Arthur's relationship further. But I was a little suprised that you put all these members from the Order in the story, especially Moody. I have always pictured him much older, as I did the rest of the group. I pictured them as a wider range of ages, most of them a lot youger then the Weasley's. Anyway, great chapter, and I will ocntinue reading it. :)
I had the impression that Moody was older than Molly and Arthur by quite a bit, that Lucius was slightly younger, and that Narcissa had been to school during the Marauders’ times. Since this is a story of fluff, fluff, and more fluff, I won’t harp on the point, but let it be noted.
Maeve has solidified in my mind as a good character put a truly unpleasant person. Her disdain of Arthur really makes a point; he gets that treatment from many people his entire life, and yet he doesn’t let it bother him. It subtly reminds the reader that even though he’s a lovesick fool and an oddball, he really does have a strong character. I’m glad you’ve put that into the story, because otherwise Arthur’s surface foolishness would seem degrading.
Shane reminds me too much of Sirius. When I read him I always feel like we’re seeing a slightly different version of the same character, and I don’t like that. Whether you did this intentionally or not, it comes off poorly to the critical reader.
The short exchange about children was perfect. It really shows how they end up as their future selves, and once there, how they mange to take being poor. The fact that everyone else was shocked and rather disdainful served to underline that Molly and Arthur really are a good match. I’m loving this story.
This is the first piece of your writing that I’ve read, so I’ll comment on your writing style first. It’s clear and easy to read, though it has an occasional bump in it. It seems to be your characters that really bring this story to life, which brings me to my next point. I disagree with Josh. Their older selves are reflected quite clearly in the teenagers you present here-- almost too clearly in fact. I like Molly a lot-- her kindness towards Arthur through his bumbling and her defense of him is very IC, as is the fact that she only gets angry at the thought of him (oh, the horror!) breaking rules. We do know from the books the Molly was a bit of a troublemaker herself though (love potion, mentioned in POA), so you might be overplaying that part a bit. I’ll see how that works out in later chapters.
You fit many references to small future things in here, like Molly’s dislike of long hair. The fellytone bugs me, though. It was Ron’s mistake in the books, and I think it’s one of those fanfiction clichés that people have latched on to.
I’m rather ambivalent about Maeve as a character. I haven’t seen enough of her to get a good feeling for her, so she seems almost fake. Having read this story before, I can say that she gets better in later chapters. But in this one she is just a bit flat.
“Ah… I don’t know. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if I still had these marks thirty years from now…” :) Excellent! *laughing in my teacup*
It's the stalker again, desperate for anything signed "GringottsVault711" - and I'm not disappointed with this. I picked up on a couple of tiny things (only mentioning them because I'm spoilt with your perfection). 1: "The two girls spun around, to find Arthur standing behind him, scanning the Daily Prophet." - I suppose it should be "behind them"? And 2: "“Oh…nothing. Amos asked me to Hogmseade next week?”" - The questionmark didn't quite fit in. Anyway, this "pairing" may not seem interesting to a lot of people (I didn't dive right into it myself, did I?), most seem to prefer Lily&James. But as always, it's so well written, so thought through and full of detail - I would probably read a story by you even if it was a Millicient Bulstrode/Nearly Headless Nick pairing. :) All the best - /Fantasium
Author's Response: Eep... I should watch out for those mistakes, shouldn't I? (lmao, I just wrote 'eye' instead of 'I'... but luckily I noticed, hehe) Thanks for the warm words again... Millicent and Nick? Interesting...
Maeve? Hmm...I don't really know how to react to this story. I liked the set up and the scene and the events, but since we haven't seen any of Molly and Arthur as teenagers, I want to say that they are OOC, because I am so used to a much older version of the couple. It was a little awkward to read because of that. also, try to not repeat words a lot. In one instance I rememebr that you usesd prefect three times in three sentences. I did think it was a good story though. I thought you did very well for a first chapter (though it was a little bit short) I think I'll read the rest of the story...
Author's Response: Prefect three times? Grr... I never noticed that. But then again, there isn't really another word for prefect, is there? Thanks for the review, though. I tried to keep Molly & Arthur in there characters as much as possible, but in a more youthful way - I think it's clearer as the chapters go on. It's really the last half of the story that will leave you with a permanent smile on your face (I know this because I recently had a crazy urge to read all 10 chapters...) Thanks again for the review...
well done. i love how the names were incorporated. ironic, isn't it, that fred and george are named after dumbledore's mice! still, this is an excellent story. shane and maeve are fun to read as well. alastor's predictions were a little uncanny, but i loved maeve's reaction ("are you mad?!"). this has been a truly wonderful story that i greatly enjoyed reading.
arthur, arthur... ah, how i love him! it was incredibly noble and fitting of him to take the blame. their relationship is blossoming nicely. i assume you were writing the scene that molly described to harry and ron in the books? if so, i believe you did an excellent job. i really liked this line, as well: “A sickle for your thoughts?” a good wizarding phrase made from a muggle one. if i ever steal it, i'll be sure to credit you...
arthur is the perfect little gryffindor boy, so polite. i can't believe i forgot to read this story for so long! molly is great, trying to push him into a confession. i like the way you do that; it doesn't seem to me that she'd say it herself unless she was truly desperate. and, since they've got time, arthur can take his time. adorable! narcissa and lucius were a good read as well. of course, he tries to make his superiors feel inferior. to quote jkr, "spot on."
aww, it's so sweet! Especially because we know how it ends, it's cool to know how they get there. Really neat ideas, and cool writing style!
I thought it was a clever and lovely story. Truly, I'd been looking for something just like this, about a pair that I really connect with. My image of Molly is a bit plump, and Arthur as a skinny little mouse. Perhaps a little description couldn't hurt. Occassionally, you left out end quotes and periods, but it was still well written. Wonderful job!
I just wanted to comment. I've read through all seven chapters in one sitting. I am elated that someone decided to write this story- bonus points that it's you. I loved the way you keep the suspense moving on, without it being gawdy or unrealistic. It's beautiful! The incorperation of canon names is great as well. I saw no real mistakes- or at least I didn't notice. You're particularly talented at capturing emotions. When you commented on Molly's chest swelling with a strange feeling, I was feeling the exact same thing for her. It's simply wonderful, and I can't wait to finish the rest of the chapters tonight!
Author's Response: thank you so much; your comments, as always, mean the world to me ;)
Wow, great story! So original..........I love reading about how Molly and Arthur got together, and the way the twins' names were created is simply ingenious!
wow I should kick myself. I read your chapter over a week ago and didn't review. Dumbledore's just so cool. He knows everything. and...That's a cool place to get the twins' names from!!!
This story was so great! I wish there were more sweet Molly/Arthur stories like this one! :) I thought it was really original how you tied in Fred, George, and Bill's names...cute!
The perfect ending! JK could not have written Molly and Arthur's story better herself! Excellent job and I will keep a look out for your name in the book stores :)
Brilliant story! I loved the fact that it was based on Molly and Arthur, i've never come acrossed that one, and it was written wonderfully! Please do tell me if you consider a sequel, if not i'm still tuned if of course to harry's sixth year!:)
This was one of my favorites and I'm sorry that it's over- i could picture them getting together in just that way. Please consider a sequel!
Loved it! Great ending!
loving yet another one of your stories! can't wait for an update!:)