I'm so glad to see someone taking on Molly and Arthur! They're one of my favorite canon couples, and people tend to set them aside in the fanfic world. I enjoyed this beginning. Molly and Arthur's older selves are clearly evident in these teenage versions (Molly's adherence to rules and dislike of long hair :) and Arthur's obsession with Muggles and ambivalence towards rules), which is good. There's still room for development into their adult selves, though, which I like. Also, the way you had Arthur come across as a bit of a nerd for liking Muggles seemed like the Wizard's equivalent to people who are obsessed with aliens, which seemed very realistic. Great beginning! I'm looking forward to reading on!
There's definitely not enough Molly/Arthur fiction in the world. I think you've taken a very good angle here, and the first chapter makes me want to keep reading. That is hard for a lot of authors to do in the first chapter, so congrats on that!
I now officially ship Arthur/Molly. I've never read or seen a story with this pairing before, but I really like it. I love how you incorporated different canon characters and canon events into it. I was so happy when they finally got together. I actually cried, and I have never cried during a fanfiction before. This story made me like this ship so much I may have to go over to Madam Puddifoot's in the BETA forums and start a Arthur/Molly thread. Excellent job!
This is fantastic!! I loved how shy Arthur was and the name tie ins are amazing. The ending was perfect, just the way it should be. Maeve sounds actually like one of my friends, not saying who. I liked how Arthur and Molly were a bit like Mr and Mrs Weasley! This is great and I really wish I could write stuff like this.
Awww, how sweet! I really like Molly and Arthur as 15 year olds! It made me laugh to hear Molly call Shane an ungroomed dog and to hear about Arthur's summer trip to a Muggle Museum. I must tell you that reading about Arthur/Molly is a little squicky; like reading about one's own parents, but I thought your descriptions of their interactions was very cute. I shall have to read on and see if I can set aside that bias!
I like this a lot. Sounds a lot some of the R/Hr stories I've seen lately. Not too farfetched to think their stories similar though.
You’re face is all red "You're" should be "your". we got the audio This is one of those time things. "We got the audio" sounds really modern for a story that's probably taking place in the 1960s at the latest.
So much for the nit-picky stuff. I thought the ending line was the perfect place to leave it. I'm also glad Maeve showed herself to be a lot less annoying at the end. From that scene, I could see why Molly is friends with her. Nice story.
You've got Dumbledore referring to Molly as "Ms Prewett" all through the chapter. I'd advise you to change that to "Miss" for the reasons I explained in an earlier review. Other than that, I thought it was cute. I liked seeing where they got three of their kids' names. I'm curious to find out if you explain a few more in the final chapter.
Aw, Arthur thinks the marks are worth it. He's an odd combination of brave and wimpy, isn't he? He had the nerve to go after Molly when she was obviously ticked, and yet he still hasn't worked up the courage to tell her how he feels. LOL, I didn't think there was anything to the Andromeda thing, either. Congratulations, I didn't find anything for you to fight the moochie over in this one!
There's something poignant about the flashback at the beginning of this chapter. I think it's seeing Molly's brothers when we know what's going to happen to them. It's also sort of interesting how Maeve comes in between Molly and Arthur from day one. It sort of parallels they way she's reluctant for Molly and Arthur to get together in the beginning of the story. It's also ironic, because that seems to be turning around.
Nitpicky stuff: Prefect’s coach This should be "Prefects' coach" with the apostrophe after the S. There's more than one prefect at Hogwarts, and the coach is for all of them. “Maeve” You're missing punctuation in there. who you’re mystery girl is You want "your" in there, not "you're". when the heard Pringle Typo in there: "they" not "the".
the sun began to set, casting prisms of light across the lake. The two of them watched it in quiet awe, before the red sun finally melted away beneath the cool black of the lake, leaving the sky dark and revealing the hundreds of sparkling stars above them. That's a nice bit of description there.
LOL, it's the famous incident where Molly and Arthur stayed out too late! I was wondering.
Ms. Prewett I'd seriously consider changing the Ms to Miss. In canon, the female students are never referred to as "Ms". Also this didn't come into usage until the mid-1970s (or Marauder's era), and that was in the US. I don't even know if it's used much in the UK.
Aw, I like how the Fat Lady let her off at the end.
Er...yeah. I haven't read this tory in a while, so I don't remember much about it. Oh well. :P I thought that it was a good chapter, and fun as well. It was a bit short, but I can deal with that. ;) Anyway, first off, I like how you had thoughts between the ramblings of Binns (if...that's what they were) and thought it was a good way of expressing thoughts. I also liked the scene at the end. The only thing I have to critisize is that the last scene was a bit disconnected, to me anyway. I think it could've have flown together better in some way. *shrugs* Good chapter. :)
It looks like Arthur's finally showing some signs of coming around at long last. I liked the conversation they had where they were talking about themselves and pretending not to. Sort of like Ron and Hermione in OOP after Harry kissed Cho.
Here's the inevitable nitpicky stuff. and he didn’t.” Molly said. Comma after "didn't". You've got another typo like that here: it if you answered.” Molly said You've also got another "whatever" in Andromeda's speech.
More edits for you if the moochie doesn't get you first: Professor Binn’s: Professor Binns, no apostrophe. There wouldn't be an apostrophe in Dark Arts here, either: start that Dark Art’s essay on Aurors. You’re starting you’re essay already: the first "you're" in there is correct, but the second one is a possessive adjective, so you want "your". it’s time for dinner.” she said: You want a comma after "dinner", not a period.
I suppose Maeve's shallowness has its uses: she's cottoned on to Arthur, anyway. Since we know how that all works out, I'll try not to dislike her so much. ;-) Now, as for Arthur, I think he needs a good swift kick in the seat of his trousers. Happily we know Molly is just the person to give it to him. I also got a smile out of Arthur making all his friends shape up since he's become a prefect. Something tells me that he's doing it to impress Molly.
I noticed your author's note about the chapter being short. Sometimes chapters just are short. You really shouldn't try to pad a short chapter out just to make it the same length as the others. If you've accomplished everything your plot demands in a given chapter, then it's the right length. This one didn't leave me with the impression of anything missing.
Why am I not shocked that all Amos wants to talk about is himself? He rubbed me that way in GOF, too, always wanting to make his son out to be bigger than he was.
Nitpicky editing stuff: Molly forced herself to laugh “How did you guess?” she asked dryly You're missing periods at the end of both those sentences. I don’t think you’re friends You want "your friends" in there. to edit it a bit.” he said. You want a comma after "bit" not a period. She laid down in her bed "lay" not "laid".
“Whatever,” Maeve said "Whatever" is a pretty modern expression. You don't state the year, but it's a good guess that it's pre-Marauders-era, and that was in the 70s. I grew up in the 70s and we didn't say "whatever" in this sense. When you're writing about teenagers in another era, it's hard to get the slang right. It's probably best to keep away from too many slang expressions unless you can get someone who grew up in the timeframe you're writing about to verify them.
Maeve isn't quite so irritating in this chapter. Maybe it's because she's got a boyfriend now?
Author's Response: I want to respond to all of your reviewsw, but I'm afraid of the moochie, so we'll just take care of it here ;)
Thanks for the edits, I'll take care of them. As for Moody's age, yeah - I think he is a bit older, but I wasn't sure, and I thought he'd make a nice companion. Hmm, I wasn't really thinking of 'whatever' as slang, which is why it escaped my attention. For me it's always been just a resigned 'I don't care', perhaps because I'm just so used to it, it didn't occur to me. I'll try and find an adequate replacement.
Maeve gets a lot of mixed reactions from readers, hehe. She can be a little superficial, and I think that's the source of your annoyance with her. You mentioned her decency to seem a little guilty in Chapter 3's review - that's an insight to her less shallow side that you'll see more of later, so hopefully she won't grate on your nerves for too long. I love Maeve, she entertains me :)
Thanks so much for the reviews. Me huggles them.
I don’t want you to fall for him for the same reason…You’ll just end up getting stuck in a relationship you don’t want to be in, and you’ll be too soft to end it.” URGH. I really don't like Maeve. She may think she's being a friend, but who is she to tell Molly who to fall for and who not to? She's acting like Molly's interfering mother. At least she's got the grace to look guilty after setting Molly and Amos up, but it's not enough to redeem her in my eyes.
Some little editing nits: his smile not losing any of it’s usual brightness. You want "its" here, not "it's". we should be getting to be Transfiguration I think you've got an extra word in there. “And he is NOT in love with me” she added after a moment. You're missing a comma after "me". from the boy’s discussion You want the apostrophe after the S on "boys" there -- there're more than one boy involved in the discussion. whoever she likes” Arthur said Another missing comma after "likes".
I always got the impression from canon that Alistor Moody was quite a bit older than the Weasleys. I don't get the feeling he'd have been at school with them. Lucius Malfoy, yes, definitely; Narcissa possibly, but not Moody. That's probably one of the biggest difficulties in writing a fic of this era -- peopling the school with very little canon to go by. You end up with a lot of OCs and that's a lot of work.
I find myself wondering why Molly is friends with Maeve. She's coming across as downright bitchy. Molly, on the other hand sounds like Hermione again here, when she mentions laziness in regard to the house-elves. (That's not a criticism -- just an observation. As I said last review, the parallel is justified, IMO.)
Couple more minor nits: most of the student’s were near-drenched... Some of the younger student’s craned their necks to watch the hat; You want students in both cases, no apostrophe.
Aw, poor Arthur. Fortunately for him, we know how things work out. The exchange between Molly and Arthur over the rules reminds me of someone else from current canon. Interesting parallel to draw, but it definitely has canon support. Harry observes himself how Ron and Hermione remind him of Mr and Mrs Weasley, and we've seen Molly badger Arthur about sticking to the rules, as well.
I found a couple of minor editing nits: “Don’t worry, Molly. I won’t let you down,” he promised, winking at her You're missing a period at the end of this sentence. “Leave him alone - he’s really nice…a much better person than you are.” Molly replied, attempting a defense. You want a comma after "are", not a period.
Excellent characterization of Molly and Arthur. I love how you wrote in how the twins and Bill got their names, and Dumbledore's involvement. Very good job!
That is sooo great please please write a sequel!!!!!!!
Another great chapter. I just have a question: was the distraction, I think it was, Molly agreeing to go to Hogsmeade with Amos? And that brings me to something else. I'm glad that you are bringing many of the adult characters into the story as kids, but I would say not to over do it. If you bring the whole adut cast into the story, it will look a bit crowded, like you're trying to write all of them at once, which ca be confusing. Also, I like how you are portraying Moody, but I thought that he became paranoid about dark wizards and such after he became a Auror...oh well. And one other thing. The things with Amos seemed a little abrupt compared to the smoothness of the previous chapters. One of the things that I really enjoyed however, was the mini-argument between Molly and Maeve about Arthur and stuff. I thought that was very well written. Good job.