Great start Nikki! Now I'm really curious too to know what this meeting is all about. And who is this student? Are Hermione and Harry dating? The "holding hands" thing made me wonder... Because I don't remember them to actually walk hand in hand in the books. But hey, I guess all my questions will be answered in the next chapters!
I like it,and I can't wait for more chapters!
Author's Response: Yay! A review from someone who is not my beta!! I am so excited. Thanks for your positive imput. I have almost the entire thing written so it's just a question of the speed it gets validated. I'll be submitting again this weekend. ::grins::
I like it,and I can't wait for more chapters!
Hey, Nikki! I’m reviewing again.
This chapter has a lot of dialogue, which you seem to have fun writing. This isn’t a bad thing; a lot of people (like me) like reading dialogue more than description. And no, that doesn’t mean you can give up description. :P Both are equally important, dialogue is just more fun to write and read sometimes, mainly because it’s easier to think of what someone would say than what a room would look like. Anyway, my point is that dialogue is obviously one of your strengths in writing; everything seems natural and doesn’t stray too far from the topic/chapter.
On that same note, be sure that you’re not using dialogue as a way to fill up the chapter so that it gets to 1,000 words. One of the best things you can do is know exactly where your chapter is going to end before you start writing, so that everything in it leads up to that one point smoothly. If when you finish it, it’s too short, simply extend the point where the chapter ends (still knowing where it will end).
Whoa – I just accidentally clicked the back button, and a new chapter came up! I guess it was just the warning you needed to change. Yay!
You have a particularly good characterization of Dumbledore. He’s not really manipulative (one of my biggest pet peeves), or foolish, or any of those out-of-character traits you see him having in fanfiction sometimes. And his eyes don’t “twinkle” every other paragraph. I give you kudos!
The story’s moving along very nicely. I remember when I wrote my first fanfiction, it got up to 26 chapters, but they didn’t connect very well; one chapter would just be there for the sake of being there, another one for quidditch, another for Christmas, then a climax, and then the end. All the chapters in “Safe Haven” have something to do with one another, so you’ve got a rising action, and it keeps the reader interested. I can’t wait to beta your next chapter!
You know what I love about reviewing things you’ve already beta-read? You don’t have to read the story too carefully, and you already know the author’s strengths and weaknesses. Plus, I don’t have to mention anything grammatical! Great for lazy people like myself.
Firstly, you’ve got a really creative, yet believable, plot going on here, and I really like it. That and it’s nice to seem some stories that take place after OotP rather than HBP for once. It’s good to see Dumbledore and Draco around. Actually, there was something I was going to ask but forgot to: Are you integrating any of HBP into this story, or is it completely separate?
You seem to have a rather nice knack for description, but I think you could add a little more about the setting — not hugely obvious, like “The kitchen was square with blue wall paper and black and white tiles”, but a sort of subtle description, such as “Hermione sat alone in the kitchen listening to the clock ticking; her eyes unfocused and she found herself staring that the black and white tiles on the floor.” I tend to find that it’s easiest to integrate certain details to correspond with different actions that the character is doing.
I really enjoy things from Hermione’s point of view, by the way. As a matter of fact, I’m looking forward to it even more later in the story! Actually, your whole story’s got me oddly curious (especially since I’ve gotten to read the second chapter)!
So far, with the creative point of view, the description, and the lovely original plot line, you’ve got great potential for this story. I’m actually glad I’m your beta (and the only reason I wouldn’t be glad is because I’m lazy), because I’m really curious about what’s going to happen next.
Author's Response: Rita, you made my day when I saw a "1" under the words "reveiews"... I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get any! You're right about the lack of descriptive deatils and I catch it every once in a while, teeheehee. Thanks again for everything!
