Awwwww! I love this pairing so much! This was do beautifully well-written! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
What a wonderful little story!
He’s the kind of boy who will look directly into her eyes and not look away when the moment stretches too long. That was my favourite line :)
n i guess ur a crazy girl
thats good! although, what did kind of bother me was that you would repeat some of the same words (i.e. Lily Evans is the kind of girl...or...she hurts when he does this...she wishes that she could do this etc, etc.)
but i really do like it. on the plus side of doing that, you're reminding the reader what Lily is feeling inside of her...and thats good! but you do it a bit too much, as in, you do it in practically every paragraph. it wouldn't hurt to do it in a few, but in your whole story, it's just a bit to much.
im just giving you a tip, im not telling you to do anything, just so you know.
but great story! i would like to read more of it! i personally like reading Lily/Snape fanfics because they're so different, but yet, they make such a great couple!!
keep up the good work!!!!
ps: sorry my review is so long!!! =)
It's an interesting start. It's a unique pairing, I think, but it's good. I'll keep it in mind.
aww this is so good... poor lily...
Great job - I love the repetition that just drives home the point. The whole flow of this is awesome!