Reviewer: I so want 2 b magic
Date: 02/16/07 6:58
Chapter: Are You Brave Enough?

aww.... this story is sweet, sad, brilliant and made me cry. a true sign of a brilliant story

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: I so want 2 b magic
Date: 02/16/07 6:53
Chapter: Are You Brave Enough?

aww.... this story is sweet, sad, brilliant and made me cry. a true sign of a brilliant story

Author's Response: Thank you! ~Sunray

Reviewer: Mind Games
Date: 02/01/07 22:37
Chapter: Are You Brave Enough?

What an interesting story! For starters, I really like the title. It’s not fancy or elaborate, but simple while still intriguing. The song lyrics you chose for the story were unique and accurate. They worked well without seeming cliché and overdone. Another thing that really made this wonderful was the characterization. Harry is just so…Harry. I can see the bravery and determination in his thoughts and in his dialogue. You really know how to write a decent Harry Potter, which is not an easy thing to do.

I liked how you switched point-of-view between the characters near the end, while weaving the lyrics in at the same time. Seeing the others’ views and thoughts of Harry was very insightful and in character. Remus feeling proud of him, Hermione trying to be brave for herself and Harry, Ron realizing his best friend is going off to face danger, Ginny being concerned and hoping Harry will be safe. They were all dead on. You really know how to write the Gryffs’. =)

Okay, now for some constructive criticism…

I thought you could have added more description, particularly at the beginning. You sort of rush into explaining the situation with the Death Eaters, without giving us much detail. It seems a bit stiff. I would suggest adding a paragraph at the beginning that shows Harry examining the atmosphere and comparing it to what it is and what it once was. For instance, you could have him staring at the window and remembering looking out and seeing the blue sky on a previous train ride to Hogwarts. Then try switching into the present scene: him looking at a broken and dreary window. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a window, but describing some of the wreckage would help us picture the scene. Details are the key to making this story all the more powerful and moving.

Fifty students had been killed.

Fifty students seems a little overdone and the way you worded it was very direct. Re-wording the sentence might make it sound better. Maybe something like: So many of the innocent students had lost their lives.

I liked the characterization throughout the story, but I thought Ron would have been a little more stubborn when Harry said he was going to go on alone. He didn’t say much, and I think he would at least ask Harry to re-consider. Ron isn’t the type to keep quiet when he feels strongly about something. =)

Harry looked around at the group around him

The second ‘around’ is repetitive. I’d suggest changing it to ‘Harry looked over to the group near him’ or something similar. I notice this occurs several times throughout the story, so reading through this and re-wording some of your sentences would not be a bad idea.

As I stated above, I love how you end with the reactions from Harry’s friends, but I thought you could add just one last closing sentence. It seems to end a bit abruptly. I think a short and simple closing sentence would work well there.

You surprised me with this. At first, I expected it to be sort of cliché and common, but you had quite a few fresh and original ideas. You’re very talented with characterization, which is what makes this story really great. You show a lot of promise as an author. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Mind Games - Knight of the Turnip Table












Author's Response: Hey! :) Well, first off, I am flattered that you like my characterization (but I don't think you'll be able to get much more of the cannon gryffs. I'm really not that good....I think this is the most I will ever produce... :P) And now, in response to the critisism: Well, I threw things in abrupty because I was writing this for a challenge, and I was running late. Besides, the lyrics start with devastaion. Though I may be able to find a place to fit in the day before...I can see what you mean about the deaths being too upfront, but he was just rubbed so raw by it that to himself, at least, he isn't making up fancy sentances (no offense meant). As for Ron. Well, first off, I have a feeling Hermione spoke to him before-hand, telling him to let Harry go if tht is what Harry chose. He probably waisted all his agruing energy in a row with her over that. In the sentance, I meant it to be 'Harry looked aroung at the group surounding him' I guess I was lazy and just wrte around. I will fix that mistake up ASAP. I fealt ginny's thoughts were the closing sentance. She summarized what everyone is feeling, and by the time she says it, Harry is already gone (simbolic of their rlationship). I also don't know what sentace would work...I've closed other fics with sentances like: 'Oh how I miss you, my Immortal Lover' or 'It was all over'. I'm not sure if something of that style will work here, because, there is no real closure to the story. Harry is still out there, and they are still left behind. Once again, I am really happy you liked the story, and that you didn't find it common. *blushes* see what you've done? :p :) ~Sunray

Reviewer: Jenn_Weasley
Date: 01/24/07 14:36
Chapter: Are You Brave Enough?

That was sweet!! You might want to consider continuing with that story. I'd like to know what your Harry would do after this. Good job!

Author's Response: I'm flattered you think I should continue this, but I am hesitant to write book 7....it tends to be tricky....thanks for the review!

Reviewer: hpfreakdk
Date: 10/14/06 9:10
Chapter: Are You Brave Enough?

Why don't you have any reviews on this? I don't understand why you don't have any reviews.

It's great. Loved it. I loved everything about it. The setting, the plot, the characters, the ending, EVERYTHING!

I hope you'll get more reviews then just mine.

It's so powerful. I can't stop telling your how much I loved this, and how I loved your style and the great way you incorperated the lyrics!

Good work...

Author's Response: Thank you!!! I am happy you like my fics!! I too am confused as to why it does not have any reviews ;) *cough* Thanks again for reviewing, and I hope you will continue liking my fics.... -Sunray

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