Reviews For Sinful Reunion
Reviewer: TheVanishingAct
Date: 10/21/06 9:25
Chapter: Chapter 1

*bows* Okay, I believe it is extremely unfair that this should be so incredibly hot that I have to get up off my comfortable chair and walk all the way downstairs [13 steps, mind you] and get a glass of water, throw it over my head, then refill and do it again. Then I have to walk all the way back upstairs, find a way to get situated comfortably back in my chair, read it again for reviewing’s sake, and then get feverish symptoms while typing up this little review. That, my dear, is truly what unfair is. And, if you haven’t gotten my point by now: omgsohotanddeliciousomgGUH. *coughs*

I do believe that when you start a review, you should jump into the deep and unpleasant end first, so you have the goodies to look forward to, which means it’s time to gather ‘round for Patrick’s Nitpick Extravaganza! Well, not an extravaganza, but you get the picture. “Hiya, Potter.” To me, “Hiya” seems a tad out of character for Siobhan, and I try to fit it into context, and… it just doesn’t seem like Siobhan would use it in that instance. Potter interrupted her very hot desire for Lucius [which he does quite often lately, and for you to pick this up beforehand, I commend you], so I’d think she’d use a less endearing term. And… I believe that’s it. So onward!

She already knew. Siobhan didn’t need to turn to see who had whispered in her ear. She felt it in a tingle down her back, in icy needles of a desire frozen in time. I hopelessly fan boy the last line. I love it even more when it is read in context, and then I love it with all my heart when I see it throughout the whole fic. The “icy needles of a desire frozen in time” especially gets me.

She wanted him so acutely, it was almost as if her desire was a tangible companion, urging her forward through the cold. I’m running out of things to say [sadly], and since I’m afraid that I’m going to say “GUH” every paragraph and then go onto the next, I might as well… try and make some meaning from it. I love how her desire is overwhelming her, and how she wants Lucius that badly. It’s incredibly accurate [hee] and I know what’s coming because of it, which makes it even more special. ;)

Stop thinking that way, she admonished herself. You’re being ridiculous. In her heart, though, she knew the truth in her hope, and she didn’t like it at all. Oh, how I love Siobhan and her emotions which you capture with the ease of -- well -- Jenna herself. I’d also like to note that you have released the GUH monster within me again. -_- Thanks.

“Lucius,” she whispered, tasting the long-unused word on her lips. O.O I think you have my heart now. That is all.

“Where are you off to? And why are you here?” It was Potter, smiling and chasing after Siobhan and her desire, both of whom were forced to stop and make polite conversation.

She moistened her dry lips. She wanted to feel them on Lucius’s, where they just seemed to fit– And, just like Harry being an interrupting disturbance in Sins, he does it here again. Were you having premonitions or something, because this was totally accurate and in such alignment with Sins that it’s unbelievable. I think it’s one of my favorite moments because both were so in character. It was also GUH-inducing, and we haven’t reached the hottest temperature that this fic gets. *whew*

What was love without unfulfilled desire? It had no long-sought passion, no dreams, wishes, or hopes. With love easily accessible, it was underappreciated. It made the spark simmer out of a relationship. You just described love. Everywhere. And… it puts so many things in perspective. It’s like a lecture in the form of delicious description. *guhs and loves* I think that especially the “With love easily accessible” part is especially appealing, and I think that I just melted a little. Dammit, how am I supposed to go downstairs and get my bucket of water now? -_-

She could feel his skin on hers, feel how comfortable they were when they were together, how easily they connected, like pieces of a puzzle no one but the two of them could solve. *drools* Oh my Lord Delaney, you have one of the most amazing and original writing ability that I have ever seen. It’s so… intricate and easily understandable that it’s amazing, and it suddenly seems as if you want more than you could ever ask for. It’s fabulous Delaney, and I hope you keep it up.

Instead of quoting the whole love scene and going all spammalicious on you [word stolen from Jenna, btw] I’ll just go and get my bucket of water so I can cool off. It’s so incredibly full of feeling and hot and love and desire… It’s as if you’re right there, watching their souls intertwine. It’s absolutely amazing. X.X ß me dead from the hotness.

Delaney, I think, in order to conclude my review, I have to give a summary. That would be: GUH.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your advice, encouragement, praise and general guh-ing! I thoroughly appreciate all of your thoughts about the things I wrote in this story. It's wonderful to see stories in someone else's perspective, especially a wonderfully perceptive someone else. Thank you again, dear Patrick, and know how much I enjoyed it.

Reviewer: Luna Lovegoodie
Date: 09/03/06 19:52
Chapter: Chapter 1

WOW your not even the oringinal writer and you did a great job. You captured the emotion and intensity of the situation magnificently! Its great

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely praise! I'm happy the story was effective.

Reviewer: GringottsVault711
Date: 08/28/06 0:42
Chapter: Chapter 1

Okay, we’re going to break it down into certain lines and why they’re “bloody perfect”.

she suddenly felt as though she had to restrain herself from breaking into a run and sprinting after him as fast as she could go. With this one, Siobhan’s entire life is made up of constantly feeling emotions and urges and restraining all the ones that are most true.

She wanted him so acutely, it was almost as if her desire was a tangible companion, urging her forward through the cold. You know why you’re brilliant here. Mian. :D

Stop thinking that way, she admonished herself. You’re being ridiculous. In her heart, though, she knew the truth in her hope, and she didn’t like it at all. I love this. I haven’t really gotten to this part of Siobhan in Sins yet, but I have in a way. She’s very often berating herself and telling herself not to feel this or not to think that. I like that you shed light on her ‘hope’ and you actually showed her registering her denial. You seem to just… not spend time telling us who she is as a character, and it just shines through as you write what she’s thinking and feeling. This very much says to me that Siobhan is afraid to hope, to be let down, so she guards her feelings and doesn’t let her feel unless she can be confident that she will be successful, or even loved by someone. A mediocre writer would put that in plain words, but you just write the character and convey it with her emotions. *squee* [See, I managed to make this about your writing and your characterisation and not just your ability to write my character *grins proudly*]

Siobhan could feel all of her senses reaching out to him. I love this line because I have a more elaborate understanding of sensuality, and it’s not just sex. It’s about the five sense, and enjoying it when those senses are appealed to. Which can be someone’s touch or scent, or it can be food [tiramisu?] or music or a sunset. So, in general, when senses are mentioned, it tickles my fancy.

She frowned, her thoughts still ahead of her with Lucius as someone else called her back from her daydreams. Hehehe. The pull of reality. This is what Siobhan and I have in common ;) We love our friends, we really do, but sometimes we just want to play with our thoughts.

It was Potter, smiling and chasing after Siobhan and her desire, both of whom were forced to stop and make polite conversation. I love that you mentioned her desire again, and used it as an actual entity. This sentence could have been, “It was Potter, smiling and chasing after Siobhan, who was forced to stop and making polite conversation.” And that would have been decent, but instead you added her “mian” and just made it that much more flavoured.

like pieces of a puzzle no one but the two of them could solve. Just wow in general. Not even a Siobhan/Lucius wow, but --- just a great line :D

She missed their tantalising conversations and days together and the repartee they exchanged, even in company. YAY. SEE, it’s NOT just about the physical relationship!

She knocked on the door. // She could have other men, but what if he was all she wanted? // The door opened. Amazing use of rhythm. I loved how you set that out. And that I just spelt rhythm in one try without even thinking about it. omgyay.

Siobhan inhaled. It was his scent. Suddenly, he was all around her. She could feel him again. Yes. Scent. Feeling. And, I just love a man’s scent in general, *blush*

He appeared regal and distant, unsmiling everywhere but his eyes, which danced with carefully concealed happiness and anticipation. :D :D :D I’m not sure what I love more, the fact that Lucius jumps into my mind, perfectly groomed, at this sentence [I swear, he wasn’t already there. Okay, he was, but he was naked, and not very ‘regal’] – or that little mention of his concealed happiness. That’s my Lucius, right there, *beams*.

“My love.” I get a thrill when I write him saying it, so seeing him say it of someone else’s accord [we all know it’s his accord], is even better. And the way he used it to GREET her, *dies*.

I don’t need to quote to mention my next thing. The fact that you actually have Siobhan questioning his use of the word ‘love’. :D I haven’t done that in Sins, because... not because she’d have quite a bit to consider about it, but because it can’t be addressed yet due to plot/character/plot development. However! This is a one-shot, so you can go ahead and address your little heart out on these kind of issues. Squee for that. And, yes, this would be one of her many reactions. If Lucius loves her, then why the secrecy, why does he live a life she despises, why *edited for Sins spoilers*, etc; And I love that you did that. :) I love that you did something with this other than right Siobhan and Lucius having a meeting, you did something that I can’t do, not yet. And you did it accurately.

“Siobhan,” Lucius soothed, adopting his reasoning tone. “You know–” Ha. Yes. “Adopting his reasoning tone”. I just love it. He’s so prepared to talk his way out of it, he doesn’t bat an eyelash. And something about it being ‘his reasoning tone’, sounds so practiced. The only reason he can hide his emotions so well is that he’s had so much practice. It’s also a little bit condescending/patronising, which I like. That’s something I use as a saving factor of his character, because he’s not just a smitten lovesick puppy, he loves her and it affects him, but he’s still Lucius, and he’s still arrogant. YAY for Lucius Characterisation. [This too: and gazed at Lucius, who reclined, calculating as usual.]

“I can never know. PS. Siobhan’s greatest fear is the unknown. What she doesn’t know, what she can’t know, etc; *wink* So, nice work there.

anything to be closer to him after what felt like a lifetime of him with everyone but her. I like this line because it addresses what obviously has to be an issue. He’s 25 years older, and is an adulterer. This man, the only one she’s ever been with, has been with dozens of women, and Siobhan doesn’t even need to be told that. *dances at Delaney’s ability to touch on so many issues*

If you can’t tell, I’m going through this piece by piece, and now I’m getting to the smut. I like this, because it’s something I haven’t gotten around to writing yet [I’ve gone through scenes in my head, completely with narration, but it hasn’t hit paper or a keyboard yet]. It’s a scene that is… actually complicated. It’s not just attraction or passion or sensuality. There are emotions at play, and they are behaving physically, but very clearly as a way of displaying what they are feeling: frustration, longing, perhaps love? :)

She would never get tired of this. Perfect. For two reasons. One: This is the one time Siobhan can admit things, when she’s so… natural that she can’t force herself into denial. And two: when it’s physical. Siobhan is very unashamed about feeling physical attraction, and she doesn’t deny it, and instead uses it to empower herself and get what she wants. It’s her emotions she’s not comfortable with. *randomly squees again*

Each of them free of both undergarments and inhibitions… -- Um, how much do I LOVE that line. I wish that were my line. Blast. …Siobhan wrapped her right leg around his hips, standing on tiptoe… I’m a fan of legs wrapping around hips in general [*giggles at how slutty that sounds*], it’s right up their with hair pulling. The tiptoes just kill me. Wonderful imagery there, and so Siobhan, I think.

“Am I your love?” He kissed her neck, his hands at her hips once more. “Or am I just your toy?” EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

How could something familiar still feel so perfect? It was the beauty of their love. *clears throat* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

“Do you want me to use you?” Lucius responded ambiguously. Okay, I can’t even “EEEE…” at that. That’s… guh. Classic Lucius Malfoy. And, hello Sins reprisal. I love having characters repeat phrases or words, in a story or chapter, but having him say this here --- *guhdeath*

She felt him everywhere, penetrating her body and soul. That’s just a great line.

“My love,” he said softly, his words escaping in a gentle moan. His fingers wove into her hair. “My Siobhan.” Again, Two things. One: My love, my Siobhan. *DIES* Now, when I write him saying “My Siobhan” it will seem weak. *pout* *isn’t really pouting* *is really in love with this dynamic*. And two: The Hair. The effing hair. I love the fingers in the hair. I think I mentioned hair pulling a few paragraphs up? Yes. I love it. Almost all my smut stories have hair mentioned in them, and I didn’t even consciously noticed until I’d done it about a dozen times.

“You’ll never stop taking my breath away,” she murmured. Again, reprisal love. And yay for the word “never”.

It was in that moment that everything suddenly seemed to fit. YES. MOST CERTAINLY.

Okay, in general Delaney, this was excellent. I think it takes a LOT of guts to take an OC and write them. Because --- you can write all the Draco and Ginny you want and not worry to much about JKR roaming across it. And even if she does, it’s different because you won’t be conversing with her anytime in the near future. But when you take the character of a writer not only in a community with you, but who you talk to on a regular basis, and who is GOING to read the fic --- well, I can imagine you become a little more concerned about getting it write. And just… the characterisation was not only accurate in terms of Siobhan, but your characterisation technique is amazing. And, you definitely captured ‘heat’. Physically and emotionally. *sigh* I don’t know if you realise that you’re amazing, but you are. *loves loves loves* I think one of the best words to describe this fic is “sweeping”. The tone and narration just… I can almost breathe it. Amazing.

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for all of this hard work telling me all the things I did right! I love when reviews make us realise more things about our stories. *sighs happily*
Anyway, I'm glad you understood the return to the themes that you'd used.. I used your writing to characterise Siobhan and confront the issues between her and Lucius that make sense for her to be worried about. If that makes any sense.
I'm so glad you liked all of the lines that I put in, and thank you for providing me with such a wonderful character and story with which to work. You are brilliant, and Siobhan is the only way this story was possible! I'm so glad you recognised all of that. Thank you!

Reviewer: HermioneDancr
Date: 08/27/06 23:47
Chapter: Chapter 1

OMG it’s Tiramisu à la Delaney! I think it’s kind of unfair that I’m reviewing this the same night as Jenna, because she’s the creator of Tiramisu and has Siobhan with her constantly, while I only have Siobhan in my head when I go shoe shopping (she tags along with me, I swear).

I have to say that this was very strange to read. It’s most definitely Tiramisu (yummy, yummy), but the style is all Delaney. It’s not that the writing is better or worse, just the style is different. It’s simply Delaney, whereas Jenna’s writing is simply Jenna. I’d have to do a side-by-side comparison to tell you what the exact difference is, though I think it’s partly the phrasing, cadence, and rhythm you guys use.

I’m very impressed by how well you did at cleaning up the story so that it could be posted on MNFF. You did an excellent job of rewriting it so that you could imagine exactly what was happening without ever giving physical descriptions. I know you had a terrible time with that, so I wish to applaud you. Good job, dear.

I think the opening might be even stronger if you switched the first two sentences. She already knew. It’s shorter, and therefore has a stronger impact. It’s mysterious enough to immediately grab the reader’s attention, pulling them in. What you have is good, but I think you could heighten the impact by switching the order. It’s just a thought, but it’s something worth playing with.

I really should have more to say, dear Delaney, but… my brain is turning to mush. I really enjoyed your Tiramisu, but I’m barely making coherent sentences at the moment, and rapidly going downhill. This story was very sweet and had an aura of delicious naughtiness about it. Lovely!

Author's Response: Oh, Lian love, thank you SO much. Your review is immensely valuable to me. And I love you. It's interesting, and makes total sense, what you said about Jenna and I and our writing styles. Excellent observation, that. Thank you for listening to me rant about having to change the story around for MNFF! You were so very patient. I'll try that with the opening; it's a good idea and sounds like it would make the beginning much more tantalysing. Thank you, again and again, for reviewing even when your brain was beginning to be mush. You did very well despite any hindrances. *loves*

Reviewer: lunarmagick
Date: 08/21/06 10:51
Chapter: Chapter 1

it was good but not as good as the original verson of this story it lacked something substance I think

Author's Response: Well, I am, after all, not Jenna.

Reviewer: Periwinkle
Date: 08/20/06 18:43
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oh Delaney love,

I absolutely squeed when I saw this, because you captured Siobhan perfectly and made the chemistry between her and Lucius work.

The description is slightly different than Jenna's, but no one would expect you to match her style.

“My love,” he said softly, his words escaping in a gentle moan. His fingers wove into her hair. “My Siobhan.”

That is, without a doubt, my favorite part. "My Siobhan."

How utterly delightful, hot and amazing to read.

Author's Response: Yay! A fangirly!Anna review. How precious! Thank you, dear.

Reviewer: Periwinkle
Date: 08/20/06 18:42
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oh Delaney love,

I absolutely squeed when I saw this, because you captured Siobhan perfectly and made the chemistry between her and Lucius work.

The description is slightly different than Jenna's, but no one would expect you to match her style.

“My love,” he said softly, his words escaping in a gentle moan. His fingers wove into her hair. “My Siobhan.”

That is, without a doubt, my favorite part. "My Siobhan."

How utterly delightful, hot and amazing to read.

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
M.I.T.: Entente Cordiale by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...