Wow! Lovely one-shot! Specially since Severus actually was innocent... hehehe! I enjoy the way you kept Severus character as cannon like as possible! Great story!
Ohhhhhhh. That was wonderful. Your control over word choice, imagery, and flow are impeccable and truly build this story up higher and higher. :) And here, I shall set it up on the pedestal it deserves. *tacks up and bows*
Anyway, let me continue. Your oil on water analogy at the start was simply marvelous, and I loved the phrase "inky air." When Hermione talks about the skeleton of the giant squid at the bottom of a pit…to me, that was when the destruction of Hogwarts finally set in. I teared up a bit, actually.
The contrast in Snape's personality between when he was looking for her and when he found her SHOWS us how much she means to him without going into much detail. I really, really liked that. It was subtle. One thing I didn't like is the cryptic backstory. Why did he have to leave? Did their romance occur when she was a student? Why would HERMIONE decide to kiss/romance Snape? I'm not a shipper, so just assuming the ship occurred didn't work too well for me. I needed backstory, reasons, etc. At the same time, leaving that out added more focus onto the important part – the search and the find – so I don' t blame you. But a prequel at some point would really, really help if you ever come back to this. :)
There were a few lines that broke the beautiful melody your words create as they run through this story. Let me point them out quickly.
“I do not know of what you did, Severus, to earn yourself these purple gifts--” People don't just say "purple gifts." I love the idea…but it just doesn't work in dialogue – no matter who is speaking.
But he was with her again, and the rest would coagulate with time. You're probably trying to continue the imagery from the healing and the description of wounds etc…but it doesn't make sense. Better word choice is needed here.
Otherwise, you had several mechanical errors and fixing them would only take a quick lookover by a beta if that's something you want to work on. Missing capitalization and punctuation and such, that's all.
Thank you for the fabulous read! You've got incredible writing skills, and it was a pleasure to read this. :)
Wonderful. I really like the use of the word "coagulate" in the second-to-last sentence; it makes me think of blood and wounds. Though I don't really sail this ship, you've written it very well, with the references to their past relationship just vague enough to make them believable, but also make it obvious that there was more to the two of them. Anyway... I really enjoyed this fic.
Yeah, well done. Like the above review says, the allure of a one shot is the possibilities is leaves open, however in order to open these doors, you need to expand the story more. Perhaps if you were to elaborate on what had actually happened, either with Snape and Voldemort, or between Snape and Hermione, then the reader would be able to understand the accusations Hermione flings at him.
The descriptives in this piece are really great, and not overdone, which is a nice change from most fics. I do really like the idea of Snape being so determined and single-minded, you've written him really true to character.
First review, hells yeah. I guess thats what I get up early for. Anyway. The images of destruction- especially the lake, the skeleton of the squid- were disturbing and vivid. Snape seemed very, well, Snape-like, especially in his initeractions with the guardsmen, though I've never really been able to imagine him as being in a romantic relationship. But then again, the same is hard for me to imagine of Hermione. Interesting, definitely left me wondering what happened. But I guess that's part of the allure of One-Shots. All in all, decent story.