There is something about the closeness of siblings that’s really amazing, isn’t there? Something we only children never get to experience, as much as we (might) want to. Sometimes I’ve written stories about particular characters so as to experience sibling relationships vicariously. I think that’s part of the reason I decide to read particular stories, as well. It seems to me like you search for that closeness through your writing as well: Sirius and Regulus (with you I think his name deserves italics, right?), Aberforth and Albus. And maybe, just maybe, you have a great deal of affection for younger brothers, though I shan’t allow myself to speculate. But it comes through in your writing that you’ve put a lot of thought into what it means to have a sibling relationship, and (to an outsider like me, at least) you’ve captured the special-ness of siblings –– of Brothers –– quite well.
Your grammar and punctuation is generally very good, except for one thing. It is customary to put a period after the abbreviations Mr. and Mrs. I know some people don’t bother with them, but using them shows respect for your own writing. And it ought to be respected, dear.
I do have one more serious piece of criticism: scrap the first paragraph. Seriously. It was probably good for you to write, because it helps set the scene in your head, but the second paragraph would make a much better opening. The description of all of the books overflowing the study and slowly taking over the house is definitely worth keeping, but it would work better if it were mixed with the action, perhaps between Albus leaving the kitchen and his entering the study. Most of the rest of the paragraph doesn’t need to be stated explicitly. For instance, the attitudes of Mr. and Mrs. Dumbledore towards their children come through clearly in your storytelling. If you were a less able writer that kind of exposition might be necessary, but you are a good writer, so it’s not. Besides, the second paragraph would work so well as an opening!
So, my favorite moment was definitely when Aberforth summoned the dumpling from the kitchen. It seems like such an appropriate way for a Dumbledore to exercise his magical talents! The image totally made me grin. I also really liked how the brothers worked together to create the four-point spell. It’s a great idea, and totally sweet (Yes, I’m totally a sucker for brothers. Hence why I’m reviewing this). *hugs Marie* Take care, dear, and keep writing.
ha ha love it and guess what i am writing a story on dumbledores first year and it is pretty good so far i realy like your story
I haven’t really read a fic like this one. Actually, I’ve never read any story that focused on the Dumbledore family. I love the way you started off the story. You didn’t give great detail on the house but you gave enough general ones so that we can all picture it and not wonder where everything is.
I love your depiction of the Dumbledore family. They loosely remind me of the Weasleys with Albus and Aberforth being a smarter and more serious version of Fred and George. I love how you’ve made them a big bookworm family but their mom seems to just provide them with what they need as they are always working hard. Always in the kitchen just like Molly. Except Molly is more strict.
Another thing I love about this story is that the Dumbledore’s are a family that reads anything and everything. It’s nice to actually see how Albus Dumbledore came to become the intelligent man that he is. I always wondered if he was just born that way or if he studied really hard and this story makes it seem realistic that that’s what he did and the outcome: our beloved Headmaster.
I absolutely adore your transition from younger Albus to him in his sixth year. You’ve done it so smoothly with continuing the holiday festivities that the reader doesn’t notice till a couple paragraphs down where they start talking about the OWLs.
Overall, very nice story. Gives a lot of insight to these two characters. I’ve never seen them as two close friends and brothers but now I imagine what they’re childhood was like. They seem so different in the books. It would be really interesting if you continued this to show how they grew up and how they grew apart – like it seems they have.
Hurrah for character sketches! I love the boys as you've drawn them, and the nice smells coming from the kitchen give this a sort of homey and timeless feel that seems to work well with the Dumbledores.
Reviewing in the Spirit of Halloween!! Lurid loves both you and your fic, so, in honour of the season – your review!Mar! *squeals* HAPPY HALLOWEEN! This review is my present to you, and I thought, as I scrolled through your fictions, that you’d have a present for me! And you did! I was so excited to see that’d you’d written a story about the Dumbledore brothers – so unique, I don’t think I’ve ever read one before. (Hence why I was so excited!) The best thing is, though, you’re getting me into the spirit early! It’s not Halloween yet – this review is being saved. I love the feel of this fic, it’s so Christmassy it just makes me want to fast forward a few months!
I love your opening. You make the Dumbledore’s out to me no nonsense book worms with a thirst for reading. It seems with the lack of description of every thing but the books, books consume their lives and fill them with knowledge and happiness. “In this household, books were considered the ultimate treasure,” I definitely agree with this, and it highlights Albus. It really does – it shows him from a young age and it’s the younger versions of people that make the bigger impact than the person you see in front of you. A Younger person is full of potential, and it’s interesting to see how someone can turn out after seeing what life has in store for them.
Sorry for the nit pick, dear! “ “I saw that, you wicked boy! Be glad that your ma loves you so much!” She called after him.” The ‘s’ in ‘She’ doesn’t need to be capitalised, but I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes and poking the screen saying, ‘Steph, two words – auto-format,’ because I know that it happens to me an alarming amount of times and I just have to swat it away. =)
The change between Albus in the kitchen and Aberforth talking to Albus in the kitchen is startling. Albus in the kitchen seems a lot younger than the Albus who is evidently in his sixth-year. He seems to grow up as soon as he walks through the door where the books are. It’s great, because you see that in the older Dumbledore, too. A good continuation of a character, Mar! I like this Aberforth – he’s sane in this fic. It’s evident that he was normal at one time or another, and not completely insane like in some people’s fics }.}.
The only thing I can think of that made me a little but sad about this fic, though was that it ends so suddenly. I’d love to have seen a trek into the snowy woods with Aberforth and Albus. I’m sure something hilarious would have come of it! I think that seeing more interaction between Albus and Aberforth would be great. Practical versus theory, I guess. I’d love seeing Dumbledore in the middle of the action.
I love how you’ve brought up that Albus and Aberforth were the inventors of Point Me; that spell is genius. I’ve wished more than once I could use it. I demand more Aberforth and Albus from you, Mar, and I wish you the happiest of enjoyable Halloweens!
Well, I figured if this was good enough to be translated into Russian, I better go and read it. I was planning on reading a Mar fic soon anyway. I really liked it. Because of the title I expected it to be about the Black brothers, but I have to admit that I am glad it was about the Dumbledores. I think young Dumbledore is one of the most interesting characters to read about. You write him so well.
I always thought Albus was the older one. I don't know why, probably because I never bothered to look it up and you did. I like how you have them being best friends but being competitive with each other. It's very realistic that way. A lot of people write siblings either hating each other all the time or loving each other all the time, and in real life things aren't that way. The relationship between Albus and Aberforth actually reminded me of the relationship between two of my friends, who are sisters.
I really liked how you incorporated the Point Me spell, which we have seen used in canon. You had a nice balance of creativity and facts which was really nice because a lot of authors tend to have too much of either one of those.
I expected this to be great, Mar, and it definitely met my expectations.
i love this story so far!! i always love stories about dumbledore, because there are never that many from when he was younger. i can't wait for the next chapters!!
Really nice written, there is a particular homely feeling to it.
I liked the part where the two brothers analyzed the spells. They really reminded of me of actualy scientific researchers at work. Do you do any research at all?
Perfect, just perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D
I hope you're planning on writing many more chapters :-) Nice job!
