MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
08/28/06 1:43 · For:
Hey, well done on a great story. I really enjoyed it.
I think this fic could be improved by expanding actual length of it. It seems like a great plot line, very well thought out, but perhaps it would do better as a several chapter fic, rather than a one shot. It's just a bit ambitious to tackle the loss of Harry's powers, the downfall of Voldemort, and provide a happy ending, in a one shot.
Another thing, the role of Ron and Ginny in this story seem a little ambiguous. I enjoyed the way Dumbledore's faith in friendship was demonstrated, however this needed to be proven in practice, not just in theory. Perhaps if Ron and Ginny, along with Hermione, were given the chance to help Harry with his grief before the final battle, their role in the story would seem more neccessary. As is, they seem to just arrive at the battle and watch. One way to improve this could be to add a couple of days in between their arrival and the commencement of the battle.
Also, a quick typo: When it was clear that Harry wasn't going to ask about anything except Sirius, tumbledown lifter the long package and placed it across Harry's lap.
I think it should read: When it was clear that Harry wasn't going to ask about anything except Sirius, Dumbledore lifted the long package and placed it across Harry's lap.
Also, with regards to Ginny's involvement, perhaps her relationship with Harry could be explored a little more fully. Otherwise, great work.
Author's Response: My initial plans were to make tihs a chaptered fic, pushing Harry's recovery for a few chapters, and making this a H/G, R/Hr fic. But I don't have the time to take on another chaptered project, so I compressed it. Perhaps at a later time I'll go back and re-do thie properly :)
Thank you for your review and criticism :)
Chris, off to correct typos.
(Signed) · Date:
08/21/06 14:16 · For:
Great story, Chris.
I absolutely loved the plot. Stories where Harry loses his magical powers are very rare, and so, very appreciated. :-) And this is coming from someone who hardly ever reads AU.
It amazed me how you managed to keep all characters in place -- from Dumbledore, with his formal tone but concerned for Harry when in the right situation, to Harry, for whom you gave a very accurate description and reasons for his feelings and actions.
I found one typo though:
He stood and nodded at Molly. “May Ron com join Harry?” he asked formally.
I can't say anything else about this...it's awesome. Well done. :)
Author's Response: Debbie!! :D
Thanks for the great review, and for pointing out the mistake *will correct it ASAP*
I'm glad you like the story, and I'm feling especially flattered that you read it despite the AU thing :) Thank you.