Hello Sunray!
I enjoyed this fic quite a lot, for the unique plotline, the characterization, and just your writing in general. I haven't seen very many Nearly-Headless-Nick fics, or many about the Hogwarts ghosts at all. I did read one about the Grey Lady, though it's name escapes me. The language that you used to describe the execution was chilling, and I liked the whole mood that it put off.
Though, I would have liked more detail about the actual execution, rather than Nick walking along the path. Yes, I think that it was needed, but I didn't like that it was the main focus of the story. I think that Nick took on a sort of Neville-like turn here, when he's doubting his role as a Gryffindor, and I liked some parts about that.
But, I have some reasons to doubt that the loud-mouth Nick that we see in Chamber of Secrets would have come from a Neville-like human. I would have liked if there had been more of a, well, transformation as he "grew" and changed as a ghost. Another thing, though not as noticable, was your tense.
I would have liked it in a present tense, and in 2nd person. For example, He feels the blade press against his neck, or something along those lines. The way that you had it was nice, but I would have liked to see you take an extra challenge into account.
I loved the thoughts that went through Nick's head. The chops of the executioner's axe taking over his thoughts was a wonderful touch, and one of the things that made me feel like I was really watching him. When he finally realize's he is dead, I would have liked somemore explanation there. What does it feel like? The section where is is walking down the paths was wonderful descriptively and metaphorically. I found a conflicting statement, where Nick doesn't feel frightened, but then he doubts himself as a Gryffindor.
Overall, I liked your story, and some of what I said about might be preference more than your skill. I enjoyed reading about a character that we don't see so often, and your writing is quite nice.
/Claire
Author's Response: Heya Claire! Forst off - thank you so much for this a-m-azing review! Secondly, I have to say I would never have gotten to it if it werent for Challenge a Gryff - never in a lifetime! Third - I agree with many of you statements, but this is one of my earlier, inexperienced works - these days I would deffinatyl write it in 2nd person (which is 'you', btw). Anyhows, I'm glad you liked it!
loved it!
Author's Response: I;m glad :)
I was just wondering…did you read the actual story of Nearly Headless Nick’s death? JKR posted it on her website under “Extra Stuff – Characters.” If you haven’t, then I’m impressed, since it fits very well with her story. I do like your emphasis of the ax coming down on his head several times. The characterization of Nick seems a little inconsistent at parts, however. At first, he seems almost like a Ravenclaw who would feel better about the situation if he only had more information. You do a nice job establishing Nick as a Gryffindor after this part, however, by showing the rashness of his decision to return back to Earth and the comfort that he takes from seeing his body again. (It always struck me in the books that the comforts of home and friends are a major motivation for Gryffindors and I like how you capture that with Nick’s thirst and hunger.) Perhaps you can include some of this earlier in the piece? I love how the shock of having his head fall to the side causes him to realize that his life as a ghost will not be the same for him. Great job overall!
Author's Response: Actually, I did not read it...I'll check it out...As for his characterisation, he isn't exactly a consistant character in canon (at least the way I see it) his mood swings might not be as bad a myrtle's, but he still has them. So I decided they were flashes of him at defferent stages of his life... Anyway, I'm glad you liked it :) Thanks for the review! ~Sunray
Wow! That was pretty interesting. Poor Nick!! You capture well what we learned in CoS - that the ghosts can't eat or drink but they sure want to. Good job!
Author's Response: I think I wrote this when I was fasting...I was very hungry ;) once again, thanks for the review!
I love how you venture past death in this piece. It's really hard to do, and I admire you for doing it. The only critiscism I have is paragraphs- I had a hard time reading it, because I was mentally breaking it down. Nicely done, though.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review :)
