why does she make him mad? im not sure i understand yet so keep writting! i want to know what happens next!
Author's Response: Why does who make him mad? If you mean the baby, he is mad because she got into his potions and dropped it and now he has to make it again and she could have been hurt. He is frustrated that he has to take care of his child constantly, even while he has work that needs to get done. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Chapter 1 is in the queue at the moment. Thanks for reviewing.
Author's Response: Wow, sorry. I just realized that this was for chapter 1! I just submitted it today so I wasn't expecting it to be validated yet. Wow, quick modding job.
Severus and Hermione have never gotten along in the backstory if this fic. All will be revealed, I promise.
What a curious little story, Amy! You've made a great start with this beginning and with so many mysteries, you've definitely got me interested.
Firstly, Severus. Having written him myself, I know how difficult it is to get him totally right, and it is wonderful to note that you've done exactly that. Even in the short prologue, the difference between him in the beginning where he's a wonderful husband (or that's what he seems to be) and at the end where he goes back to the self we know him in HP-canon, you've managed to make that transition beautifully. I really enjoyed reading your Severus and it makes me anxious to know what happens next. Though, it seems a little too irresponsible of Severus to have a kid while at school, I'm sure you can make it work. :)
Just a little typo I noticed:
“She is no longer allowed in Master's laboratory, do you understand?”
"Dee is taking Girly-baby so she will not be in Master-sir's way.”
"His hands flew to his daughter’s body -"
“And Dee is to take care of her, and keep a close eye on her. She is a very curious baby and must be watched.”
These lines kinda confused me. Since you've quoted them separately, I take it that Severus speaks them, but it doesn't really sound like him; is he just speaking like the house-elf to make her understand? Or is it the house-elf speaking to herself? If you could clarify, it would be great. :)
And the cliffy-end was just perfect. Annoying to me as a reader, but exactly the kind of thing that would make me come back for more. Great prologue, Amy, and keep up the good work! And update soon, I can't wait to read what happens next!
Author's Response: Thank you very much Preethi! I am so happy that you enjoyed reading the prologue. The scene with the house-elf was one that I kind of struggled with. Severus is talking to Dee so that she understands and I was trying to make him sound upset at the same time and it just didn't end up working as well as I would have liked. Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope I can keep you intrigued!
Author's Response: I went and did some minor editing and took your advice into account. Thank you so much Preethi!
Oh, my God. I am in love with this, Amy. It's truly a wonderful story. I never expected Severus to be married and have a child on top of that, so that was a surprising blow and really worked in your favor as it kept the readers interested.
It's so sad that the pair grew apart and that the mother doesn't care for her daughter. Although the relationship between Severus and his baby is sweet.
When I read that last sentence, my heart stopped. *scowls at Amy for ending on such a cliffhanger* I'm really hoping that the baby isn't dead, that Severus jumped to conclusions...even though all the evidence points against that.
Do update soon, dear. I can't get enough.
Author's Response: Anna, I saw your review and jumped up and down! I love your reviews, dear. They always bring a smile to my face. I especially loved the scowl! It lets me know I am doing my job. I promise to update soon. I've gotten two more chapters written so far with a third almost done. I am so happy you loved this and want more. Thank you so much for reviewing, love!
Love it! I really enjoyed Betaing this story. It's quite different and creative!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Ashlee!! I'm glad you've enjoyed betaing for me so far and I hope I can keep you saying that! Thank you for reviewing dear!
It's a different beginning, but I really like it! Please continue to update, I am looking forward to reading more!
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it and I am thrilled to hear that it is a different beginning! That is my goal for this entire story. Thanks!
Wow. I really do love this prologue. Of course, I can't wait for the rest, too. =) I love how wonderfully in-character Severus is. I also love the details, and the way everything flows in this prologue. You condense a rather large amount of time very well, which can be difficult for some people.
The ending of this prologue really saddened me--I felt a few tears of my own. I think it explains a great deal about why Severus can be such an utter jerk in the later years.
The prologue leaves me with a very great deal of questions, as I'm sure it is designed to. I really can't wait to read the rest, Amy!
Author's Response: Thanks so much Liz! As my fellow Puff Severus fangirl, it means so much to hear that Severus is in character. That is something I've been struggling with.
I wanted the prologue to establish a bit of Severus' character, and how he changed over the years. He isn't exactly the Severus we know in the books, but he is getting there.
I'm curious to know what questions you have! I am very glad you enjoyed it. Look for an update soon!
So sad! It's different, I like it.
Author's Response: Thank you. I wanted to start this out different than any other story I had read thus far. I hope I can keep it up as I intend to do. Thanks for reviewing.
wow, a little harrsh. good though.
Author's Response: I'm sorry you thought it was harsh, but remember the kind of man that Severus became. He had to have had heart ache in his life to cause him to become so a cold, harsh man. Thanks.
How sad. I must know what happens next.
Author's Response: I promise you will find out what happens next soon enough! Thanks!
oh no! poor snape. please update soon!
Author's Response: I know, our poor Severus. I promise an update soon. I've got a few chapters written, so for a little bit they should come at a nice pace. Thanks!