Wow! This is a great story, I found just a couple of things, but tis just me being picky. When Jim is first talking to Stilton, he says "death," but Stilton corrects him and says, "Death." How did Stilton know that Jim said "death" lowercase, instead of uppercase? Or was it just the tone in Jim's voice.
Also, I noticed that you had a few places with Jim thinking. It was only in one or two, but to help the reader better, it would work if the thought is italiziced. Overall, three thumbs up! It would be great if you wrote a sequal!
Thanks for the great story,
Author's Response: Thanks alot for the review! The captital D is supposed to come across in a tone of voice. For example when politicians are talking about the People it is definatley People not people. And as for the italics, I must confess that I just got lazy and fogot to transfer them in *blushes madly* I'll try to get to that soon. Anyway, thanks again!
One of the things I liked most about your story was the little details that you included that made things seem so real. Like how you stated that Jim's dog's hairs were hard to remove from his tweed coat, and how the head of the Unspeakables was missing a little finger. Little things like that really made the story pop for me.
The thoughts that Jim was having while he was near the veil that you included throughout the story were a very nice touch, and you wrote them very well, with word choices that were both eerie and resonating. They made me cold and shivery just reading them.
I think that you did an amzing job developing the character Stilton; his gruffness combined with his knowledge of unknown things made him memorable.
I enjoyed your story very much. Keep up the good work!!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your kind words, it is always nice to know that a story is appreciatied. I'm glad you liked Stilton, he was originally the main character in an earlier draft. I was having trouble with him though- gruffness doesn't make for a very good narrator at times. So I introduced Jim instead. Nice to know that things can work out. Thanks again!