Reviews For Fidelity
Reviewer: MarauderWannabe
Date: 08/07/06 11:01
Chapter: Fidelity

I loved it! It was not cliche, because i hate those!!! Keep writing stories!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I know J/L fics can often become cliched, and I try to avoid that whenever possible. Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: hogwartsgirlhg
Date: 08/07/06 9:50
Chapter: Fidelity

loved it

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Reviewer: tonks_667
Date: 08/07/06 3:00
Chapter: Fidelity

I found this mistake..."Hames still loved me".... Maybe you could change it.... But it was a cool story.

Author's Response: There...I fixed it. Thanks for pointing it out! And thanks for the review.

Reviewer: Fly to Dawn
Date: 08/06/06 20:43
Chapter: Fidelity

A sweet James/Lily story! It was nice and fluffy, and the plot wasn't bad either. I enjoyed reading it.

I thought it was maybe a bit OOC of Lily to jump to the conclusion that James was cheating on her, since she seems the kind of person who would ask James rather than worry about it. But of course, I've never actually tried to write Lily before myself, so I might be wrong.

There's a slightly un-British feeling to this story, and I don't know if it's usual for Lily and James to have a date in Muggle clothes. A cami/pencil skirt/tracksuit seems modern for Lily, since it was in the 70s when she was a teenager. Nevertheless, some further nit-picks.

The next day, I flooed over to his house, only to find that he had gone out.
I don't really think that Lily could just Floo over to James' house. I can feel that the Potters would welcome Lily, but it does seems a bit rude. Did she ask before she went over?

'Lils' is a nickname that is cliche and American. I would maybe change it, since it's something that authors overuse...

He was a marauder, after all. Once a marauder, always a marauder. The marauders had never had any qualms about such things, after all.
I think that 'Marauder' needs to be capitalised.

Overall, lovely story! It gives us an original version of how James proposed to Lily. Nice work!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the lovely long review! This has to be one of the longest I've received! You are right about the name 'Lils' being overused, I'll edit that. And I never noticed that 'marauder' was not capitalized, so thanks for pointing it out! Thank you once again for the constructive criticism, I really appreciate it!

Author's Response: There, I've fixed it up. Hope it reads a little better now!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Research and Development by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
The Mirrorphone, the latest advance in Wizarding communications. Now, of course...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
on this side of heaven by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ariana Dumbledore is struck by a stray curse, and she suddenly finds herself...
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES