Wait, how is this HP related?
I have decided to read all of your stories posted here before I ding you with more questions in your duelling thread.
Donna Garibaldi is what, if you will excuse the stereotype, I as a Southern woman expect a Italian, Catholic, Bronx born woman to be in a work of fiction. I know every person is different, but from movies and books, this is what I would expect. I am not sure yet just which story she will play in to, but I am reading top to bottom on your authors page, so I will run into her eventually.
This was extremely easy to read and relate to. I like the use of first person to introduce the character, and that she never actually spoke, just to the reader. The time period is a big issue for me, I have no clue when she was five, or even twenty nine for the umpteenth time. Other than that though, I enjoyed it, and I am off to read the next one on the list.
In your summary, you said that you were introducing your Muggle OC. I have to say that you did that superbly, but the whole chapter read as if it was a post in Madam Pomfrey's Character Clinic on the boards. That isn't a horrible thing, if all you really wanted to do was introduce your character, which is what you set out to do, but I would have liked to see just a little bit of plot come out. Maybe a little bit of connection to Wizards, too, which I am sure you're getting to, but I think that it would have been a good thing to include in the first chapter to keep readers coming back for more.
The imagery you used was great, like how the smell of salami reminds Donna of her old home. Also, your writing voice is very strong; Donna seems like a valid New Yorker.
Brilliant writing, but I am really looking forward to how you incorporate Donna into the Wizarding world.
Author's Response: Yeah, there was a connection to the Wizarding World, but the MNFF queue and I are constantly at odds. I only even submitted this chapter for the contest, which, because the moderator who read it couldn't see my author's note which said she was a Muggle, was rejected for the character being "not magical enough". *sigh* Which meant that I didn't get counted as participating in the contest. And because the queue was so full, I couldn't even submit my second chapter, and because this one was rejected, the second chapter wouldn't have counted, either. Given the amount of effort that I was putting into something that wasn't really for one of my fics, it rapidly became something entirely too painful. The contest for this chapter was for the character to write their autobiography. Then the second chapter was to be "Conflict". The conflict chapter was to introduce her to the wizarding world, which she'd already been introduced to but didn't realise it (and this was the conflict). The words "MNFF queue", in general, though, give me an incredible amount of anxiety. I've got to get that resolved before I even consider writing and submitting this second chapter, because the very idea makes me sick to my stomach, and it's just not worth all that to me. I have the same userid on the forums, though, if you'd like to talk about it there. ;)
Wow........wow........ That was incrediably powerful and moving. I was actually speechless for some time there. I for once have nothing to say, it was absolutly perfect give or take a few missing comma's here and there it was totally awesome. That was just a very nicley written autobiography and i can't say much else but praise you. Btw, now i know a fellow slytherin that lives in New York, I grew up in queens and my parents came here as immigrants so I could really relate to the story, though I now live on long island.
Author's Response: Hee. I don't live in NY, that Muggle OFC lives in New York. ;) There's a second segment to this, that I suppose I should submit soon, now that this one's been accepted! :D It rather explains why I'm writing about some random Muggle woman in New York for no apparent reason. ;)