Reviewer: callmehermione
Date: 08/29/06 1:10
Chapter: Chapter 1

The beginning is positively brilliant. It makes the reader curious and confused by the mystery, a great way to begin a stoyr. She gasped, the tightness of her corset made it all the more harder to breathe. I think this sentence would have better flow if it said 'all the more difficult'. Harder makes it feel like a double negative.

First of all, I love the idea of this story. The mention of Doge at the beginning was completely captivating.

Merchant ships arrive with their usual array of spices and other good. Did you mean to say 'arrived' and 'goods'?

"The Doge is a lover of art and firmly believe that artists ought to be allowed their eccentricities, he tipped his cap, playing the part of an eccentric artist just came naturally for me. I love the characterisation you added here. The carefree spirit of your character makes everything very interesting. And I love the venetian words, too.

Bianca and Black. They're perfect opposites.

The part with the mask is emotional and sad. It's confusing at first, but once understood, it's heartbreaking. She saw the future and went to the only person who could deny it to her.

Lovely job, Miel. The story flows together into a web of memories and sadnesses, and it's beautiful. Oh, and I love the flavour of original fiction you've added as well!

Author's Response: Delaney!

Thanks for that great review. I'll go correct that double negation.

*lol* I know what you mean I sometimes even confuse myself as to where I'm going whilst writing this.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Wizard Comics, the Green Knight aids those in need under the cloak...
Friends and Foes by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
It took Harry and his friends years to discover who killed Colin Creevey. Ginny...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
FEATURED
Wild Card by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
It was going to happen eventually: Oliver Wood had to retire. But when the decision...
Half-life by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Neville has the rest of his life ahead of him, but all he can do is look back...
Skinny Love by xxbabewithbrainsxx 6th-7th Years
“I’ve always been chubby. Admit it.” “You’ve never been skinny...
Tigerlily by Maple_and_PheonixFeather 3rd-5th Years
You promised yourself you'd never hurt her, but there are times when you wonder...
Astriferous by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Merope Gaunt has never been celestial.Nominated for a 2014 QSQ - Best Dark/Angst. Nominated...
CATEGORIES