Reviewer: kumydabookworm
Date: 08/13/06 22:47
Chapter: Splendiferous Revenge

You've included several OCs and flshed them out well. I love the word, "splendiferous," by the way. :)

Your opening was intriguing and really pulled me in. The quicksand sucked me in, for lack of better words, haha.

Overall, nice job. Good luck with the challenge!!!

Kumy

P.S. This is the second of three reviews in exchange for your work in the LilyEvans34 Review Challenge.

Author's Response: Splendiferous is my favourite word! I use it in context whenever possible! =) The characters are really fleshed out because they're part of another of my stories. It was fun to write them in this. I'm glad the opening sucked you in, that's always good. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Fly to Dawn
Date: 08/02/06 7:25
Chapter: Splendiferous Revenge

Oooh, interesting title! The revenge was between your OC sisters, which was fun to read.
The only things I would have thought more about this fic was that we didn't get to see a lot about the 'revenge' part of your story. Also, the spell Azure seems...un-magical, if you get what I mean. Of course, the word Azure could have another meaning in another language, but it seems strange, an English word being used as a spell.
The characters were nice, although I wanted to see a bit more of their personalities.
Overall, I enjoyed reading the fic - the way you used the word 'splendiferous' in both the title and the last sentence was very good!

Author's Response: The spell, well, I have to admit, I sort of wrote this at the last moment and didn't really have the time to wait for someone to respond to my pleas in the Latin help on the boards. But still, that's not exuse. Well, I'm actually planning on expanding this, so I can show more of their character and put in a bit more of the revenge, too. I love the word splendiferous! I came across it in the dictionary one day, and now I always use it! Thank you so much for the construcive critisism!

Reviewer: PotterFan22
Date: 08/01/06 23:19
Chapter: Splendiferous Revenge

hehehe. This fic was extremely enjoyable and very funny! My little sister pranks me alot, so I know what Alicia's going through. well, except my little sister has never involved quicksand in her pranks...not yet anyway...
Great story! Loved it! 11/10!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! Well, I don't have a sister, but my brother ha gotten me a fair number of times. It's so fun to get him back!

Reviewer: Chaser47
Date: 08/01/06 19:31
Chapter: Splendiferous Revenge

Nice job! I thought that your story was very lighthearted and funny, the girl's friendship seeming very realistic.

Dialogue is definately your strong point here; you really captured what girls might actually say to each other, not to mention what sisters will do to get revenge on each other.

However, the "revenge" portion of your fic seemed just a bit forced. Maybe if we had followed Alicia and Danielle to the library and saw what they went through to pick the prank that they did it would have seemed more... natural.

There were a few minor typos I noticed, such as "her self", which should be one word.

On your characters, I think you could have speant just a bit more time developing them, because their personalities seemed just a little too black and white. Such as Ella, who is smart, but we don't really know much else about her, and Danielle, who I assumed to be more of the outgoing girl of the bunch, but we don't get to see many other sides of her. Even if you just slip in personality variations subtly, the effect would be great on your story.

So nice job; your fic was very enjoyable!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I know, I was a bit skimpy on the characterazation. You see, I took these OCs from a fic I already have written. A fic in which these characters are extrmely developed and more colorful. As for the revenge, i was actually going to work on that. I'm going to expand on this fic, a well as the personalites and put this as a one-shot, maybe in a series with my other fic. Thank you so much for your helpful comments and suggestions!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES