Great story, SPEW buddy! I'm sorry I didn't review sooner. I never thought of what happened during Bode's "missing day," but I like how we get to see how he was Imperiused, and also what the day of an Unspeakable is like. When we see the archway in OotP, it's completely unknown and mysterious, so it was interesting to see the Unspeakables talk about the research work they've done to try to figure it out. You made it practical and scientific, while still retaining its mystery.
I found the beginning sad, seeing him say goodbye to his daughter and also learning that he usually only goes in the morning. Was Lucius waiting for him specifically, or would someone else have been Imperiused if he hadn't gone in that night? There wasn't too much more emotional connection to Bode after that until he was put under the curse, but you did say it was more about the plot, which was quite well written. All your descriptions are realistic and visual, and the action is paced well. Sometimes the dialogue sounds kind of formal, but I think a few contractions would help that. For instance, I'd change "I do not know why Mr Fletcher wants to look at a few prophecies, Bode. I am sorry, but you should know... Nevertheless, I will allow you to look at them" to "I don't know why Mr Fletcher wants to look at a few prophecies, Bode. I'm sorry, but you should know... Nevertheless, I'll allow you to look at them" Contractions help make dialogue sound more natural, since we usually use them while speaking.
You said this was written as a suspense fic, and there are great elements of suspense throughout, when the woman gets on the elevator with him (did you make her look like Bellatrix on purpose?), when he hears the noise behind him, and when we see him helpless under the curse. I think a little more of a glimpse into Bode's emotions would help the suspense along too, but it was still effective as is. Lovely work!
Author's Response: The woman on the elevator is a random person. I didn't realise she looked like Bellatrix. Thanks for the review! I see your point about the contractions, but Alfred Cole popped into my head like an old man whose speech is more formal. I'm thinking of tweaking the last few paragraphs ... I'll have to look into that sometime later.
Instantly, his mind went blank. He felt blissful. A seemingly authoritative voice echoed inside his head.
Wow. That was one amzing piece of work! I like how well you described the effect of the Impirius curse, and the feeling of no self control that fills you when under the effecty of the curse. Moreover, I liked how you made him already in the bigginning someone succestible to the curse, by his lack of interest, and his seemingly no self-confidence. I also liked how ulike Harry, Bode did not even have a stable amount of ressistance even in the face of a regular Death-dEater, while Harry managed to ressist Voldemort on his own. Then again, Only Harry is cool enough to go into ALLCAPS.;)
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I've tried to keep Bode true to what we've seen of him in Book Five and I'm glad you're impressed with his characterisation.
I really enjoyed it! Particularily all that suspense at the end! Even though I knew what was going to happen, I couldn't help but keep my eyes glued and be shocked.
The last part, as I said was really suspenseful and good. I enjoyed how it was fast paced. =)
The beginning was a tiny bit bland, though. It seemed that you used "Bode" a lot, instead of just "him". But don't worry; it was still really nicely written!
I loved reading those commands and the end. There's just something I can't describe that's just so wonderful about it. Overall, great job!
Author's Response: Thank you for the very appreciative review! I can understand if the beginning felt bland to you; I know there's not much emotion, especially in the first half. I think it was kind of necessary for the fast pace ... *sighs*
As promised... *Is present*
I think the reason why I somehow managed to not notice your stories is because I inwardly scout for humour fictions. That's what I'm writing and that's where my head's at.
And that's also besides the point.
I think this is a really good idea for a story - exploring the situation and exploring the Department of Mysteries in general. The first thing I thought of when I finished it was how amazing a story showing Bode's awakening afterwards. He was recovering, yes? I could imagine a story like that, seeing his thoughts from a time when they're very disjointed, as he slowly begins to recover his sanity, only, of course, to be killed...
But that's also irrelevant. I think this is a very interesting story, and I really like the interactions between Bode and the OC's. What, I think, made it difficult to read at times was the style. In a way, it's amazingly clever - it fits together succinctly, even abruptly at times, which, I can imagine, could mirror Bode's thought patterns as a trained unspeakable.
At the same time, the style can get difficult. It's like seeing the story from a step out - everything's orderly, but at times (especially in the first half) lacking in emotion; I felt that I couldn't get inside Bode's head.
Overall though, this story is definitely a commendable effort. Well done!
And holy cow. I just realised I used the phrase 'commendable effort'... O_O
Hello! Thanks a lot for this nice and long review!
I can understand that you're looking for humour fics ... There's nothing like a good humour fic to cheer you up when you're in a bad mood!
Coming back to the point: this was actually a contest submission, as you might have noticed in the summary. I wasn't very attached to the character (or the OCs); I was trying to make this a Dark fic. But, as you can see, it's more of a suspense fic ...
Yes, you are right about not being able to get into Bode's head and the distinct lack of emotion. It does seem like the point of view of an external narrator sometimes. I'll admit it, I did pay more attention to the overall plot rather than the stylistic aspects of the story.
Once again, thank you for this splendid critique!
This story was quite intense! Great job building suspense. It's really a very well-written missing moment. You write quite nicely, and your stories are fun to read and make sense. I don't like it when stories don't make sense and are boring (obviously). However, this little story with Broderick Bode is quite up to task and a good read.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review and the compliments! :D
That was a very well writen story. I love how he said goodbye to his daughter and then kept taking notes with his superior. I'm surprised that the Death Eater was able to get away without anyone else noticing him. I'm also surprised that the guy in the Hall of Prophecy let him by so easily, but then he could have been compelled a little too. I always felt sorry for Bode. Thanks for letting us see a little bit into his life! :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! If you want to know, the Death Eater (it's Lucius - he agrees to Harry's allegations in OotP) was wearing an Invisibility Cloak. The Keeper is a minor character.
Hi there! Nice job! This is a very original story, almost a "missing moment" of sorts since we know this happens sometime in book five but we don't "see" it ourselves. You did a good job characterizing Bode. I would only suggest showing more of his thoughts through the first half of the story, I sort of wanted to get into his head more. You also did a good job with the Imperius Curse - I am having a hard time with that myself right now, in a different story. Who set the Imperius Curse on him? Was that in the book or did you have someone else in mind? You could always write the same scene from that character's point of view and pair the stories together sometime, that could be fun.
Again - good job, and good luck in the HHWP!! ~Gina :)
Thanks for the review, Gina! I wanted to focus more on the second half, so I didn't go into Bode's head in the first half. If I remember correctly, it was Lucius Malfoy who Imperiused Bode (Harry says it in OotP, and Malfoy agrees). I don't think I'll write a companion piece to this, Gina, sorry.