I really liked it! :D Althea was an interesting character that was easy to relate to. I felt awful for her after what James did. I agree that though James did come off as the bad guy, he would've seen it differently so he gets some credit there.
james was a seeker.
james was a seeker.
This was pretty good and not really what I expected from the title. I was impressed with your, shall I say bravery, to portray James as the jerk Snape said he was. While most HP fans want to believe that the Marauders did not wrong, it wasn’t true. Over and over again we are told they were arrogant and full of themselves and even Remus points this out about James.
Teenage boys are not a true reflection of the men they might one day become so I could actually see this happening, and he not thinking it was wrong. However, you did portray him as being a cold jerk after the fact so he really was the bad guy in this story.
I was very sympathetic to Althea and the situation. Cutting has become a very serious problem among teens and young adults and your use of it was done very tastefully and did not glorify it. You did a good job of showing how that one horrible and wonderful event in her life changed her. At the time it happened, it was a wonderful event for her, but his treatment afterwards created the non-person she became.You did a good job with creating a non-Mary Sue and a character that others may be able to identify with.
i like this one. i'm not a depressed person or anything, but i always liked stories that made me so. is that too weird? lol.
I have to say, I loved it. The character of Althea was very real. A few years ago, I had a lot of problems -- I was anorexic and I cut myself. Some very good friends of mine helped me to come back to normal and now it is like that time never happened. I feel what Althea is feeling and I think you did a very good job portraying her emotions. Keep up the good work.
Everything seemed so unreal. I needed to feel something, anything, to know I was still alive. Desperate, I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. Picking up a razor, I slashed violently at my wrist. The pain jolted me back to consciousness. It gave me a sort of relief, to know that at least I was capable of feeling pain. I stood and watched as my own blood splashed into the basin. Finally, the emotions began to flood back. But I found these even harder to deal with.
That's a little contridicting. All throughout the story one of the two main emotions being portrayed in pain. To say that she cut herself to feel the pain is, as I said, contridicting. Maybe you meant it as in physical pain?
Anyway, I rather enjoyed reading this. It's the first story I've read that doesn't have the happy ending, and I think you've done it quite well.
many people feel like they don't belong anywhere
great story, but did she kill herself?
This was absolutely fantastic! You didn't go too overboard on the whole "James as a baddie" concept and yet, you managed to convey his rather self-absorbed personality perfectly. Althea is a great character, you keep her very balanced in that you don't make her too much of a victim, but the cutting thing was really rather depressing, as I'm sure it was intended. The sad part was that she was a loner, not a slut and that he took advantage of her, but really I can't help but feel that she should've realized that he was just a guy trying to get a leg over, but maybe she wasn't so attune to those sorts of things.
Great job with grammar, wording, etc. etc. Beautiful story!!!!
pretty good. i like the ending
i loved it i also cut and this is realist thank you
it was sad and depressing and true and a great story.
I love your writing. you have this way of dexcribing the emotions in a realistic way that not aot of others achieve.
i understand. I know you must have felt this way at some point to be able to describe it so well, not the whole being used thing, the needing to make sure you can still feel. I've been there too.
It is almost impossible to stop, and just when i think Ive beat it something throws me for a loop and i find myself standing over my sink watching myself bleed.
anyway you write beautifully, and i love the way you make James seem horrible, but then remind everyone that alot of people do horrible things without meaning to.
Well, didn't they say he was an ass until his seventh year? You know he probably did this do some poor girl and if he didn't, Sirius would. *lol* Wonderfuly done. *applauds*
loved it. maybe a few more descriptive words.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! =)
Wow. You got this so correct. Not James, I actually thought he was a bit out of character, but the emotions that Althea feels. I wonder if even you know how well you hit it... I am sure you do. Perhaps you have been there, but... just...
Great, great job.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I have sort of been there, at least as far as the self-harm and all is concerned. I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, thanks for reviewing!
James is my favorite Marauder, why do you hate him so much?
Author's Response: Actually, I don't hate James at all. He's my favourite Marauder as well. I left an author's note about my standpoint on this at the bottom of the story.
a pretty depressing read to be honest
Author's Response: Umm...that was sort of the idea. Thanks for reviewing.
Aw, this was a very depressing one-shot, but you've got the emotions down wonderfully. Very sad and compelling.
When you first described the relationship of James and Althea, and I was like, "Oh, good. Not another Lily and James fiction." Even though James ended up with Lily in the end, it was still horrible how Althea got used in this way.
Afterwards, I lay there with him, and he held me for a time. When the bell rang for class, I thought he would ignore it I thought he would stay with me. I was wrong.
Oh, no. Aw, once again, you've got the perfect chilling twist in this story to make James AWFUL. I absolutely detest him right now that you're written him so perfectly in this story. I know that James is acting a bit OOC, because I can't see him actually being that mean to the poor girl, but you know what I mean.
His arm was draped nonchalantly around her shoulder. When he saw me watching, he gave me a cold smile, and a curt nod. Then he turned back to the other girl, as though nothing had happened.
Oh, gosh. How hurtful that would be to a young girl who had no other friends . . . You see this all the time in real life, but I would have never have thought to see it in James. He probably knew all of this before they 'did it' as well, didn't he? He is just horrid . . .
Picking up a razor, I slashed violently at my wrist. The pain jolted me back to consciousness. It gave me a sort of relief, to know that at least I was capable of feeling pain.
Whilst this is an instinctual thing that a person would do in real life sometimes (you don't really specify), it seems as if this is the first time that Althea in actually cutting herself to rid the pain away. I highly doubt that, if something like this happened to someone, that they would automatically have the instinct to resort to cutting herself because of this. I can't see something as bad as suicide, but I can see a horrid fit of crying, throwing things . . . etc, etc.
By the way, does someone notice the slashes and cuts?
Now, James and Lily are happily married. They have a newborn son called Harry. They live in a beautiful house in Godricís Hollow. James is one of the Ministryís top Aurors, and they are very rich. They have everything I ever wanted.
Well, it's good to know, canon-ly, and in you're story, that he settled down. In your story, at least, he stops victimising young girls. That is absolutely awful . . can you imagine? I do hope that you aren't writing this from personal experience.
I live alone in a tiny, dinghy flat in London. I work as a sales clerk in the Apothecary to scrape a living. I have no family, no friends, no life. Whenever things get too much to handle, I hurt myself to find relief. Itís out of control and I canít stop.
Hmm . . . Even though it's an OC, I can't see her 'cutting' herself to get rid of the pain. Although it's what you may see a lot with a person in this type of situation, cutting is kind of going a little far. Especially the way you've described it. It's truly scary.
Very deep and emotional fiction. Great work.
Author's Response: Wow...I really don't know what to say. Thank you for such an amazingly helpful, detailed review! In response to your question, Althea did keep her self-harm covered up pretty well. But inevitably, I suppose some people must have noticed. To be honest, I never gave that aspect of things much thought. Now is probably a horrible time to be responding to this review, as I've got a headache and I'm pretty much braindead after the test I sat today. But I just wanted to say thank you so much for reviewing! I'll take all your opinions on board, they're really helpful. Thanks once more. :)