its soooooo sad but i rreally love it!!!!
I find myself thinking that JKR is a mean, dreadful person if she doesn't kill everybody when she does Harry. She'd better not leave anybody to suffer grief. This was amazing.
I really enjoyed this fic! It shows Ginny's feelings without holding back and gives you the full scale of them. The rain, of course, adds to the mood with pathetic fallacy and echoes her feelings. You use a lot of nature imagery, such as the clouds, the rain and the sun - and I almost feel like Ginny's standing outside but she's really looking out a window.
I love the last two paragraphs most - the first of them is all about numbers, and how she disregards them. It's very philosophical, and shows that other people must remind her of things she should know herself because she's so preoccupied with Harry.
The last paragraph is so great because of how you use the sun as a symbol of hope. It always rises and sets, and Ginny could use something constant like that.
The colours are also wonderful and very vivid. The black/red imagery is striking, and well as when you name everything in those colours. The grey clouds against normally blue sky also add to the colour pallette, and this story really makes you SEE colour, which can be hard to do.
Wonderful job with this emotional fic!
I really loved how you captured Ginny’s emotion in this story; how you depict her heart breaking because of Harry’s death so well. You say “she hadn't known that it would turn out this way. She had no idea. She thought she would get over him but it never happened. Her thoughts would often stray to him, but that's all they do. That's all she does. She does not speak of him nor does she seek him out.” Which I think shows a side of Ginny—and her love for Harry—that many authors forget. Ginny will wait for Harry, even for eternity. She never fully got over him after Chamber of Secrets. Many authors assume that because she apparently “moved on” by Order of the Phoenix, that Ginny will remain one-hundred percent strong and find another man. Your story, however, is a good argument to that viewpoint. He’s rejected her once before, then again in Half-blood Prince. His death is bound to be even more devastating because it’s just one more thing that robs Ginny of happiness. Whether they never truly got back together before he died or if they did is not important. I love that you showed Ginny’s despair, and yet, her devotion to Harry.
I really love this!
It is so dark and haunting. The way you use nature to show Ginny's depression and emotions...it is wonderful!
I don't really see Ginny going so deep into depression after Harry's death though. For me, she seems stronger than that. But, grief can change people in ways we don't think are possible.
You infuse so much imagery and emotion into this piece, it grabs the reader and pulls them into the story.
The way you use the sky to pull the story along and connect different parts of the story is genius! It brings the story to a new level. It makes it so anyone reading the story can connect, at least a little, with what is going on.
One little something:
Sometimes they make That Face. ~ I would italicize 'That Face.'
Overall, beautiful. This story has such emotion and depth to it! You are truly talented!
Oooh, present tense! What a tricky style you’ve chosen! You do it beautifully, mind, but it’s worth pointing out its difficulty. Also, you’ve purposely made some sentences short and simple to make a point, and it really helps to set the mood on things.
I didn’t realize until I had read the story that the summery was a quote; could you maybe put it in italics?
Black for his inky hair. Black for the darkness of his cloak. Black for the center of his eyes. Black for the lashes that surrounded those eyes she had loved to gaze into. This is my favorite passage, because of the visual. The mentioning of the eyes is a really good tactic in writing (at least I think so), as long as you don’t make it too cliché, and you haven’t. It made the description seem much more realistic.
They tell her she is nineteen years old. They tell her it has been two years since she left Hogwarts. They tell her he died a year ago. Up until this paragraph, the reader is wondering exactly what happened — which I’m sure is the point of it, especially towards the end. Although the “he died a year ago,” through me off because I wasn’t sure of the time-span, and I couldn’t tell if Ginny was mourning for the first time or not until this point. Perhaps somewhere in the beginning you could add that she looks out the window again? That way you wouldn’t have to reveal specifics, but you could still tell us that it wasn’t terribly recent.
The entire visual of this little story is very poetic. ...gray clouds obscuring the usually blue sky, how they reform and move across the heavens... Her arms hang uselessly, her unkempt hair lays in strands down her back, her eyes enlarge but she does not utter a sound... She watches the pink clouds and the faint twinkle of a star that is always seen near the sun until its glare swallows the star up. The description is all very astonishing and elaborate.
I also like how you begin and end with the window. It’s certainly a good way to conclude a story, because it gives it a sense of finality once you’ve made a circle. Maybe you could even increase this effect if you somehow slipped something in about rain? I know it’s not there anymore, but just a tiny slip of how it once was — with your much more eloquent wording, of course — would make the closure a teeny tiny bit more final.
I really liked this, and I usually skip right over fics about mourning couples once I’ve read the first paragraph. I give you many kudos on your wonderful description which actually managed to grasp my attention span. And the fact that it was in present tense may have helped too. But truly, I am dazzled by your choice of words, in case you haven’t noticed by my babbling.
Oh... Poor, poor Ginny.
This one is great (what a surprise! ^^ ). The emotion you put behind the story is so strong, so passionate, that - well, if I was a tissue reader, I'd have flooded the house. It's really an emotional artwork, but it flows so smoothly, so naturally - wonderful. Loved it! Magnifica!
Author's Response: *grins again* I'm becoming rather fond of your reviews. =D
Umm... Well "Totally Depressing" sounds like a good title to me... Anyone else.
Author's Response: I was hurt by your review, and if you had gone further, it would have been considered flaming, which is strictly prohibited on this site.
Umm... Well "Totally Depressing" sounds like a good title to me... Anyone else.
Author's Response: It's supposed to have that effect.
That was sad. It seemed kind of pointless though. It was good all the same.
Author's Response: Um, thanks for the review. How pointless, exactly? You see, I practically tried to make Ginny and her whole situation and what she's doing pointless, because it is pointless. He's never coming back, and she doesn't realize that. Thanks all the same!
Wow, Anna. Great Job! You really capture the bleak depression well and use excellent imagry throughout the piece.
"She stares out the window at the rain spilling down it, the drops gliding smoothly off the glass. She stares at the gray clouds obscuring the usually blue sky, how they reform and move across the heavens. She stares at all this yet does not see it. She gazes at all the details that the storm creates, but she does not make out anything."
This is a great opening paragraph. It sets up the feeling of the piece, and your use of the present tense makes it feel like it is happening before our eyes. My only nitpick here is that you repeat, "she stares" as sentance beginnings but then switch to "she gazes" for the last. The repetition gives a nice emphasis to the piece, but the last one would sound better if you made it "she stares" or started it with a completely different beginning. As it reads now, it just sounds slightly jarring to the ear, like you forgot what you had just written. You do this several times in the piece, and it works better if it looks intentinal.
"Sometimes they make That Face. The eyebrows rise and their eyes soften while they tilt their head to one side. She moves away because she doesn't want to see That Face anymore."
I love this image. The use of "That Face" really puts a picture in the readers mind as well as giving more of a life to the story. It really shows how out of it Ginny is and how much she is turning her back on the world.
I also like the contradiction of Ginny disliking the sunset. I personally found this to be pretty analogous with the common view of the sunset as a metaphor for death, and it fits nicely. Harry was Ginny's sun, and this nicely emphasises it without having to come out and state the fact.
"She will forever stare out that window, looking at the sun and searching for him, hoping he will return and tell her it's all right again. She has nothing else to do."
The last paragraph here is excellent. It really touched me, particularly the last line which slammed home the point that Ginny has given up her life.
You are a really talanted writer, Anna, and I loved reading this piece. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Kristin! This review really made my day, dear. I have to admit that I was having trouble with the first paragraph, as I didn't want to repeat 'she stares' again because it would have seemed too repetetive. I'll see what I can do about it. Again, thank you so much for this lovely review! *huggles*
this is so sad, my heart just breaks for her. but you really are an elcelant writer.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! *gives cookies*
Only three reviews? Well, we’ll have to do something about that now, won’t we?
She stares out the window at the rain spilling down it, the drops gliding smoothly off the glass.
This is the perfect sentence to start with. I always think that the first sentence is the most important, and it truly is. From this one line, I could tell that I would enjoy this piece - very dark, but your language makes it beautiful. The use of the present tense is an excellent way of creating a sense of Ginny's mood. I always think that the present tense (without use of names) seems cold and impersonal, which works perfectly for this particular fic.
They symbolize so much, all her efforts that have gone to waste.
This sentence interests me. Her 'efforts' to be with him? I like the imagery that it invokes. In my mind, I can see raindrops washing away her happiness in being with Harry. The only thing I would say is that instead of the comma in the middle of the sentence, I would have used a hyphen. Otherwise, it doesn't seem to read right. But that may just be me.
She watches the sky crying and wants to do the same, but the tears will not come. They stay locked up behind her eyelids, always on the verge of falling, though they never do.
How perfect. I completely adore this part, since it seems to really hit the spot. That’s a very realistic interpretation of how some people feel when unhappy. You just want the pain to stop – to get it over with – but it isn’t nearly as easy as that.
She sits staring out that forsaken window, watching the rain pour in rivulets down the glass and wonders if things will ever return to what they were before.
Once again, a lovely sentence. I think that what makes this piece so strong is your wonderful description and imagery. I’ve seen the ‘rain falling’ scenario, as relates to Harry/Ginny used a fair few times, and I’m happy to say that you have pulled it off spectacularly.
She cannot remember anything before this present moment, even if she tried.
A small nitpick here – your tenses are inconsistent. ‘Tried’ should be ‘tries’.
She wants to feel. She wants to feel pain or sadness or hurt, something other than her one emotion. She can only hate.
Perhaps the strongest part of your drabble – with a very strong emotion to go with it. It startled me. I was so sure that this was going to be a piece about Ginny’s loneliness and unhappiness. But no. You’ve provided some wonderful originality.
Sometimes they make That Face. The eyebrows rise and their eyes soften while they tilt their head to one side. She moves away because she doesn't want to see That Face anymore.
Goodness – how completely spot on. Your capitalisation of ‘That Face’ makes it all the more realistic. Just how I imagined it. When you’re really, really down, you don’t want sympathy, do you?
She likes to look at the sun during the day. She does not listen to their warnings about her eyes going blind.
I like this idea, because it is very fitting with the way that Ginny no longer cares. But for some reason, the second sentence doesn’t sound quite right to me. It’s probably just my pickiness kicking in, but I think that either someone goes blind, or they damage their eyes.
But when he left her, she started to wear black.
I won’t quote the entire paragraph here, but once again I applaud you for your use of imagery. It’s quite fantastic. The use of colours red and black to contrast. And also, something that jumps out at me is that you used red as a colour symbolic of happiness and comfort. Very different from other authors. I like it.
Your ending is simply gorgeous, summing up everything, but without repeating it all, which I think is a mistake that authors quite often make. Above all, I adore your title, which is quite fitting for the piece, and yet is never directly mentioned in the text.
Well. Ahem. I think I have waffled on for quite long enough now that I have completely picked your wonderful fic apart. But I do feel it deserved a lovely long review, since many people overlook Dark/Angsty for Humour. And this is a stunning piece – quite worthy of a thousand reviews.
In other words: I love it.
Author's Response: Kate dearest, you've got me speechless, staring at your beyond amazing review and loving you like crazy. And squeeing. You can't forget the squeeing. *huggles madly*
All those wonderful comments! It's nice to hear that this story differs from others'; it would have been a shame if it related somewhat.
Above all, I adore your title, which is quite fitting for the piece, and yet is never directly mentioned in the text.
That's rather interesting. I was going to include it in the story, but decided not to. Now I'm glad I didn't because that would have messed it up, lol.
You are absolute love, Kate! Thank you so so much for your review! It means a lot to me! *huggles again* =)
Anna, darling! I don’t believe I’ve ever reviewed you before, so I decided that it could be a good idea. I actually saw this link in your LJ and figured, heck, unlimited huggles would be the coolest thing ever, thus leading to this review. (Of course, I’m also just doing it because I love you.)
I must say, for such a happy, outgoing, friendly person, you sure get going with the dark and dreary themes. I was a bit taken aback at first, but I got right into it after reading the first paragraph. As I was reading it, one line really struck me: The view has altered; now she sees more of the sky, and less of the earth. Now, I could just be getting too artsy here, but I really felt a lot of hidden meaning in this line. In actual context, she’s seeing more sky because she’s now sitting in the chair and, I’m assuming, looking towards the sky. But as you read further you begin to see that in a way, she’s not even on the earth anymore. Earthly things such as time don’t matter to her. She is living in the past, she is living in the sky in a way. Again, this could just be me making things seem deeper than they ought to be – but I thought it was a fabulous way to link your ideas.
Admittedly, I found it difficult to find places to criticize in this piece. Not only because you are obviously a fantastic writer, but also because I had some trouble defining between what was stylistic choice and what was not. A couple of times I felt like commas were needed, but at the same time I realized that the flow was continuously choppy throughout the entire piece and thought that maybe the lack of commas was on purpose.
You also have a lot of repetition in some areas. Ideas such as time, the colour black and her lack of emotion are brought up a number of times in each paragraph. I liked this, but I also noticed a repetition that I didn’t find so appealing. You start an awful lot of your sentences with ‘she’, not just in one paragraph but in a lot of them. Again, it’s hard to tell what was purposeful and what wasn’t, but I would have liked to have seen a bit more variation in the sentence structure and how you begin your sentences. Possibly personal preference, but I had to give you some concrit.
All in all, I really enjoyed this. It was deep, yet still rather simple to follow. The girl’s feelings and ideas about things really caught my attention, with statements like ‘ It's all numbers.’ and ‘ Sometimes they make That Face.’ and the feeling of desperation and loneliness is portrayed beautifully. I also really enjoy the suspense you create by not telling us the names of the characters in this story. Amazing job, Anna, keep up the terrific work!
Author's Response: Ashley, love, I was sitting here staring at your wonderful review for a whole freaking three minutes. For this, you are going to be smothered in hugs and squees and kisses and love and everything else possible. Because you are beyond amazing. Damn, girl -- you are phenomenal!
When writing this, I kept on using 'she' a lot because I didn't want to actually reveal to the readers that it was Ginny. Even though they knew it was her, I thought that it was better for the story to not include her name. Of course, there are many ways for sentences to start without the word 'she' and I'll definately keep it in mind as I write more fics.
I'm glad you took that one sentence and turned it into something more. To be honest, I didn't really have any deep meaning behind it, but I'm glad that you found one yourself. It just makes it all the better.
You are love, dearest. Absolute love. *huggles madly*
Need I tell you how wonderful this is? Because it really is. I love it. It's perfectly dark. Amazingly, I don't really have that much to say other than I really, really love it and will be adding it to my favorites to go play with your other fics that grace that coveted list. The second to last paragraph is my favorite. Yay for Anna!! *huggles*
Author's Response: I am going gaga over this review. Like I promised, you get an endless supply of hugs and squees and kisses and love! Thank you for reviewing this, love! It means sooooo sooo much to me!! *huggles Rachel to death* Anna loves Rachel very very much.
Author's Response: Aww thank you sweetie!