Ooh, Steph, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to review for you! You have been so kind in your reviews for me, I should have done this waay sooner!
Anyways, I loved your story. It was so sweet and true; Halle felt like a real person, her journal entries read almost like something someone I know (or even myself!) might write.
Halle is fifteen, correct? I noticed that her writings seemed like that of someone a bit younger than that, though. But, Halle did strike me as someone who was may be a bit juvenile in her emotions, so in a way in fits her. I don't think that that's a bad thing, really, just a part of who she is.
I loved the way you described Halle's memories. Many writers may have chosen to illustrate an even that may have been very important, but these little things, while important to Halle, may seem trivial to others. Anyways, I enjoyed how you chose sweet, meaningful memories than ones that may have been grander to describe, but definately not as true.
I did notice a few little typos in the paragraphs (I was going to copy and paste, but now I can't find them. They must not have been terribly noticeable, then...).
I am looking forward to more on Halle, especially more info on Miles. Any relation to Alicia Spinnet, I wonder. ;)
Keep up the splendiferous work!!
Author's Response: Any relation to Alicia Spinnet? Of course! Before my featherbrained, at-the-time-thirteen=year-old mind realised Alicia probably would have gotten married. So, In Malicious Intentions I not so subtely inserted a "Hey, guess what, she got married in Australi" scene. *cough*
Ahh, typos are the stuff of life. As you may.,... probably have noticed, I'm particulary prone to them!
As for the memories, I was trying to pinpoint in her life where things might have changed for her. The biscuit incident did nothing to me but change the way I punished myself to stealing bickies, lol, but i decided for Halle it would be different. Halle feels iferior to her cousins. On the outside, she's intelligent, but when she's by herself, she can ramble, scribble, and well.. think herself on to paper.
Thank you, my fellow Turnip for the review! *hugs*♥
Ohhh! I felt so bad for Halle! The biscut story was great, though. and now I definitely like Halle more. really well developed and everything! Now hurry up with 14 of MI so I can read that Halle/Miles story like I want to so very badly! *grin*
Author's Response: That was actually my own experience as a child. The School incidents obviously weren't my own, but i loved giving one of my characters such depth. Hehe. You shall read that story soon!
Oooh, Steph, this fic was wonderful! (Well, I knew that before I read it, since I beta-ed, but anyway)
Halle is a great character to read and think about, and I really love her in Malicious Intentions - but this story tells us more about Halle's childhood life, which is very refreshing and new.
The biscuit incident is sweet, but is a little sad too. It makes me feel sorry for poor Halle who is somewhat overshadowed by her cousins...and it's a good idea to incoroporate real life events into fanfiction, too! Young Halle's dialogue is somewhat clumsy, but in a sweet way, and it makes us readers feel love for the girl ;)
Excuse the tear drop. I didn’t mean to ruin your beautiful page. But, you see, that memory always came back to me when I was at school.
I love the way Halle talkes to the diary. It doesn't seem as if she's writing, and it's a unique way of adding some spice to the story. The theory about the square and the circle was interesting too, and the things the Sorting Hat tells Halle is true, and real - we can see that she's a true Gryffindor!
The way you end the story is extroadinary, in a good way. It shows us a lot of Halle's personality in-depth, which we can't see a lot in MI. It's well-written and enjoyable, too!
It was a great pleasure being a beta and I look forward to more one-shots for your Intentions series!
Author's Response: Oh, Dawn! You're a fabulous Beta! Thank you so much for this reveiw, you've noticed all the little things I'd hoped people would! I'm always being told to do things the 'right' wasy with the square peg circular hole thing, and it's always annoyed me :) And I loved writing this fic. You wre there while I did; you had to listen to all my excited rambles! No one is ever JUST a Ravenclaw, or JUST a Gryffindor, or JUST a Hufflpuff or Slytherin, we're all a little bit of each I think people tend to forget that :):) HOUSE PRIDE! ♥
Hi Steph! missed me? *grin*
‘I took(s) it because I wanted to be different,’
~Unless of course, that was intentional...
I have to say this started of great. How she's taken with the diary and stating how it reflected her gave us a good idea of her personality immediately. You don't even have to read Malicious Intention to get an understanding of Halle. ^_^
Love the realism on how you portrayed children to be mean. You also made use of great metaphors about square pegs and round holes, but my favourite is: “Gryffindors are brave, yes, but that's not the only quality that possess. They possess great strength of heart, passion and thirst for success.", because plenty of times people just think of bravery and forget everything else... I mean Neville was a Gryffindor and he's not exactly fearless...
Love it Steph. A perfect compliment to your Malicious Intention, but it stands well on its own. Good Luck for this contest!
Author's Response: *squishes* Missed you, Miel? .... Of course! Tooks was intentional. My cousin isn't exactly the most gramatically corredt four-y-o :)
Yay for thinking outside of the square! *loves* I've always hated how people say "You can pit a sqaure peg in a round hole." Because you SO can :):) And, my lovely Gryffindor, you are a TRUE GRyffindor at heart. I'll let you decide just exactly what traits your posess!♥
Halle is a very well developed character. I love the biscuit story and how her cousin Sirius made her so happy she was able to make a Patronus with the memory. I also like how she talks to the paper that she is writing on. It makes the story more real in a way.
Author's Response: LOL! The biscuit incident! That was actually from my own childhood! I was an odd child :) I like the idea of talking to your diary as a friend, confiding in it. Thanks for the review!