MIKI!!! This is so cute! I love the way you portray both Jemima (great name, by the way) and James. Jemima reminds me a little bit of Luna -- sweet but a little out there.
I found myself growing increasingly envious of a man who did not exist.
*squee!* I love that line! Jemima sure knew how to catch his attention ...
I just love how sweet and fluffy it is. It's a great read! I saw that you've written more about Jemima ... I can't wait to read them! Keep up the great work, fellow Turnip!
~ Abigail
Hello Madam Miki! I read this long ago, back when the challenge was first judged – this was a wonderful entry! I thought I’d come by and leave you a review. It seems to demand it of me. And I really like Jemina!Can’t I wait in the great hall?” I cried out, “I might get all wet!” I exclaimed. I think here it should be ‘Great Hall’, and maybe, and this is just my being picky, but perhaps cutting out the ‘I exclaimed’ at the end, because I think it distracts from the dialogue, as you’ve already got a ‘I cried out’ before the second half. It just interrupts the flow a little.
I found myself growing increasingly envious of a man who did not exist. I love this line. It’s truly perfect. And I love her dancing. It’s so simple, poetic and beautiful. I love the image you’ve created with this – I can see her dancing dreamily in the rain!
“You don’t like water, do you not? And cats despise water. Hence, the cat reference,” Very nice reasoning here, and you’ve managed to insult James’ pride a little. Hehe.
…save the last dance for me,” Oopsie Daisy! This should be a period, not a comma! Easy mistake, with song lyrics.
“yes,” I replied sincerely, “it will be better.” I think ‘Yes’ should deingietly be capitalised, and I’m leaning towards saying ‘It’ should be to. If it weren’t, the sentence would read ‘Yes it would be better.’ If you were to capitalise the ‘it’, the line would have more effect with the shorter sentence. ‘Yes. It would be better.’ Just remember – the description in the middle of the dialogue really doesn’t exist when they say it aloud.
A very enjoyable and cute story, dear!
This story was very sweet and I enjoyed it thoroughly!
I loved James' character - a bit on the wimpy side, but still brave and kind-hearted. The way you brought the song into this story was very well-done as well.
This side of Jemina we got to see in this story was different from 'Jemina', and I enjoyed reading about her. She seems a fun girl! Jemina dancing with Mr.Invisible was brilliant - I especially loved the line: Her bare feet were pattering across the cobbles one moment, and crushing the soft grass the next. I found myself growing increasingly envious of a man who did not exist.
I was giggling when James shouted 'You're going to kill yourself', it's a nice touch of humour and kindness.
The last line about the caretaker was a brilliant ending which brought in the 'School romance' feeling very nicely.
You're a brlliant writer, and I'm going to read more of your fics ;)
Author's Response: I never pictured James as wimpy, just easilly influenced. A lot like some of my friends. On the songs part, I always wanted to include a Harry Connick Jr. song, and this seemed like a perfect time as any.
