thats soooo sweeet. did you ever think to maybe cotinue it?
Author's Response: Heyy! This story is part of a larger universe. My stories Delicate Scent of a Flower and Make Me Better center around Kayla and Ben's child Iris. rnrnOther than that, I do not believe I will continue it, but perhaps one day, if sudden inspiration strikes.
I daresay, I’m too emotional right now to write a descent review, however, I’ll do my best to give some feedback to such an amazing masterpiece.
You might be wondering why I classify this One-Shot as a ‘masterpiece’. Well, allow me to elaborate.
My first reason has to be the sentiment. It’s a really strong, poignant piece of literature that moves your every fiber from the very first paragraph. The emotions Kayla is dealing with are complex, yet they’re handled masterfully; showing the reader the endless pit of loneliness where Kayla feels she’s falling, and the heart-ache her father’s loss left.
…He would never be able to see me graduate from Hogwarts, which was only a month away. He was the one who had led me thus far, and he hadn't even lived to see me reach my goal…
The way Sunray describes her character’s feelings makes you share her despair and tears, making you yearn to comfort the poor, lonely girl and wipe away her tears.
This empathetic feeling leads me to my second reason: The characters.
As I said before, the description builds a sympathetic sensation in your heart towards Kayla, showing you her pain and allowing you to understand. She seems to be strong most of the time, for she had to live without her father really being there- yet, she knew he really loved her and understood that his love was more than enough to make him present, or so I understood. However, she does brake when her father’s gone, yet, she still tries to fight her tears back.
I watched the rain fall, and listened to the rhythm in which it hit the window pane. I closed my eyes, and cleared my mind of all thought. I knew that if I would think, I would cry.
Another character I grew fond of was the kind, sweet Ben. He was Kayla’s knight in shining armor, being there to show her she wasn’t alone. He really showed his Gryffindor bravery by giving Kayla hints of his love for her- choosing a perfect moment to do so. A moment when she needed to know she was loved.
"That is not true," Ben spoke slowly, quietly. He picked up my face so that he could look in my eyes. "There are people in this world who care for you. Also if you do not see it, you will always have a lifeline composed of love. Even if you do not love this person back, he will love you."
Anyways, I’d say this story is beautiful, particularly because of the mechanics. The use of literary elements is very well handled, as is the dialogue and description.
I strongly recommend “Somebody Beside Me”, specially if you want to see gorgeous imagery, intense dialogue and meet amazing new characters; all in one, comfy 917-word package!
Author's Response: O. M. G. PRiZ!!! *squee!!* Thank you! I don't know what to say! I'm really happy you liked it! Thank you so so much for this awsomelitios review!! See you around Gryff! *huggles*
They fit together like a puzzle. This felt so real and true while I read it.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!
What an amazing piece of work! As this is a one-shot I will not ask for more, but what I would like to say is this:
Your characterization was beautiful. Kayla nor Ben was too "perfect" but, rather, they were perfect for eachother. I loved how sweet Ben is... I wish I could find a guy like him!
I also find myself able to relate to Kayla's loss... I lost my grandfather and felt just as hopeless. You captured Kayla's desolation and despair perfectly... She remained human.
Thank you for a wonderful story.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm sorry for your loss :( Hope you find someone like Ben someday!
Oh how bittersweet.
I especially loved your ending, how you ended your despairing story with a slight upturn, a need for hope. It shows there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I only wish you'd made the story longer. I'd like to know who Ben is, who Kayla is. Are they part of a greater story?
In this sentence: "Ben I don't think I can bare this," I think you mean "bear" instead of "bare." It was the only distracting mistake.
I'd truly like to find out more about your characters. You certainly left me hanging here!
Author's Response: Ben and Kayla are part of the bigger scheme of the Make Ma Better Universe. They are the parents of Iris, who is the main charcter in The Delicate Scent of a Flower, and a close friend of Alex and Rose's. Anyway, Thanks for the review, Beth!!