Reviewer: Ithinkrabis2people
Date: 11/24/06 17:00
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Ooh, my! I love it, especially the way you've built the relationship almost entirely without dialogue. I find this type of fic so interesting, because of the potential for Sirius and Regalus...

Anyway, completely adore it!

Signed; The Order of Ravenclaw House Elves

Author's Response: Double Review? Haha, thanks.

Reviewer: Ithinkrabis2people
Date: 11/24/06 16:57
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Ooh, my! I love it, especially the way you've built the relationship almost entirely without dialogue. I find this type of fic so interesting, because of the potential for Sirius and Regalus...

Anyway, completely adore it!

Author's Response: Aww, thank you. I'm so glad you liked it. :)

Reviewer: crazy_purple_hp_freak
Date: 08/30/06 12:40
Chapter: That Fateful Night

*sniff* What lovely description. The atmosphere created seems melancholy and regretful, yet blends in well with the portrayal of the brothers.

I like the idea that Sirius and Regulus do share some brotherly feelings deep down. It goes well with their characters, and I think works better than some fics I've read where Sirius has/has always hated Regulus' guts, and Regulus is a spoilt little brat etc...

I really like the title :) I think that 'through the eyes of an onlooker' really sums up Sirius' situation in the Black family. Though he has tried to fit in, Sirius is truly a different person from the rest, unable to see things their way...

I loved the last sentance for the same reason... beautiful, and sums everything up :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review. I really liked also how I came up with the idea of tying that in, as I've always imagined Sirius as sort of being an "onlooker" or life-- especially his family life. Thanks again!

Reviewer: FeatherTrader
Date: 08/25/06 7:14
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Poor Regulus. Sirius really was hard on him, wasn’t he? I mean, even though he was portrayed as a push over, he doesn’t deserve that sort of thing from his older brother. But I like how you kind of gave us an inside look on their relationship as brothers. How Regulus couldn’t even offer his older brother some friendly advice without the two ending up in a shouting match. Very interesting.

My favourite line was towards the introduction; ‘Its walls were slathered with a dark, forest green that shut out much of the light coming in through the windows.’ The imagery in this sentence is fantastic. I can imagine the room perfectly, even though it makes me shudder to do so.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful job of portraying the night Sirius left, but perhaps it would have been better if you added more detail. I think you got the descriptions covered, but maybe going deeper into the brother’s relationship or his mother’s frustration?

Author's Response: I wanted to focus more on the description, emotions, and general feeling of the piece then spesific thoughts between the characters. But I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: self named harry potter freak
Date: 08/23/06 21:44
Chapter: That Fateful Night

I love it. There is not a stronger bond i the world than that between siblings. They try to help eachother and secretly are happy for one another, but they never let it show. Beautifuly done. I love the description.

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much. I've been told many times I'm good with description but I always love hearing it again!

Reviewer: blackhairedweasley
Date: 08/22/06 22:45
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Ohh, nice story, Shayla! I loved the connection you described between the two, dispite them seeming to hate one another. I did, however, notice a bit of American slang in the sentance "She’s already yelled at me to the freaking point of insanity." That seemed to throw me off a little.. Keep up the great work, Shayla! - Jacie the Cat

Author's Response: Pfft, yeah. "Freaking". We do say that a lot when we don't want to swear. But thanks for the kind review, Jace.

Reviewer: Viv
Date: 08/22/06 22:29
Chapter: That Fateful Night

So weird how a simple house can hold so much secrets and provide so much pain for their occupants. I like how you portray the relationship between Sirius and Regulus. Two members of the same family, so different from each other but more similar than we think. They both wanted something else, only Sirius took some actions to achieve his goals. I have to admit that I felt sad for Regulus in a way; he was kind of left behind by his brother.

Through my reading, I could feel how life in the Black's house was like. I felt like I was living in there myself! You transported me there... I enjoyed my little trip a lot! :)

Author's Response: Thanks, I think that's what an author is supposed to do. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: glacialis
Date: 08/22/06 13:38
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Great story! I love the way you wrote Regulus, and showing him as not just a spoiled momma's boy. I like the fact that he has another side to him, that he has his own opinion, but hides it. It seems to give him depth. Also, I like the way Sirius actually is fond of Regulus, and their relationship hasn't totally gone down the drain.
Also, they way you describe the house is lovely. The way the house is described as looking welcoming and pleasant to an onlooker, but is actually very unpleasant to Sirius, seems to show the mask the Blacks seem to wear, like the one Regulus wears.
Once again, great job! :D

Author's Response: There seems to be a lot of "also"s in there, but I love them all. Thanks for the wonderful review!

Reviewer: nysuperstarz
Date: 08/22/06 10:42
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Wow! I loved your description and the different POV's of the house. One particular thig I liked was the way Sirius described the house, He only saw darkness and the fake light. The fake light part made me crack up for some reason, im not sure why... Anyways I love all the description you put into it, the only little critique that I have is that I think you over-used the older boy and the younger boy a bit.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. And, yes I tried to use other ways of mentioning Sirius and Regulus then using their real names, and "older boy" was the easiest one to come up with.

Reviewer: ronnyc718
Date: 08/21/06 23:15
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Great job - I love how Sirius is the only one who sees through the mask Regulus puts on.

I also admire the completed feel you give this by beginning and ending it with the title.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. I always love having a central theme that carries throughout an enrite piece. (It's the best way to write a research paper of school.)

Reviewer: butterflykisses
Date: 08/21/06 22:11
Chapter: That Fateful Night

I really enjoyed this piece. You know that Sirius is my favorite character and you did a very good job of portraying his relationship with Regulus (whom I also love).

There just some small spelling errors, but they weren't big. Just thought I'd mention it, but I'm just being nit-picky.
Great! I loved it.

Author's Response: hehe, thanks. I'm glad to hear that I didn't butcher your favourite character for you.

Reviewer: Undividable410
Date: 08/18/06 13:27
Chapter: That Fateful Night

A short review would be to say that I liked it, but that's really not adequate for this story.

The descriptions were absolutely brilliant, Shayla, and I especially liked how you described the elegance of the Black Manor. It was great to get a perspective on it, outside of what we came to recognize as the dirty, old, grimy building used for the Headquaters of the Order.

The way you portrayed the brothers was perfect, and extremely realistic. By the end of the story it almost seemed as though it were my sister and me fighting on the steps. Your way of showing how Regulus secretly admires Sirius is very similiar to what I tend to think of my sister... without ever showing it.

My one question would be, about when did Regulus begin to realise he was living a lie at home?

Great Job, Shay!

Author's Response: Double review?

Reviewer: Undividable410
Date: 08/18/06 13:26
Chapter: That Fateful Night

A short review would be to say that I liked it, but that's really not adequate for this story.

The descriptions were absolutely brilliant, Shayla, and I especially liked how you described the elegance of the Black Manor. It was great to get a perspective on it, outside of what we came to recognize as the dirty, old, grimy building used for the Headquaters of the Order.

The way you portrayed the brothers was perfect, and extremely realistic. By the end of the story it almost seemed as though it were my sister and me fighting on the steps. Your way of showing how Regulus secretly admires Sirius is very similiar to what I tend to think of my sister... without ever showing it.

My one question would be, about when did Regulus begin to realise he was living a lie at home?

Great Job, Shay!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. I've never had any siblings, so this was sort of hard for me to write, but I'm clad that you could relate to it so well with your own sister. That's great to hear.

I don't know. I didn't think that far into the story as this was only a one-shot. I assume sometime after he gets the Dark Mark, or just before.

Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: StaceyLC
Date: 08/17/06 22:17
Chapter: That Fateful Night

I liked how you made Regulus seem like his brother on the inside, but playing a role on the outside to please his family. I sort of think Draco is like that, actually. I thought the diaglogue between Regulus and Sirius could have really heated up, but I your descriptions of the house and the boys' feelings were excellent.

Author's Response: Thanks. I always do better with description then dialogue...

Reviewer: hogwartsduchess
Date: 08/15/06 15:40
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Oh, what beautiful irony. To show how Sirius never intended to go back to the home that held so many horrid memories for him is incredible, but the way you've shown it is breathtaking. My heart ached for Sirius, and I love the way you've portrayed Regulus - as a person who wishes to be just like his younger brother but conforms to the family anyway. Great job.

Author's Response: Thank you. I rather liked the irony of him leaving but coming back myself. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: rgfawkes
Date: 08/15/06 1:17
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Oh nice ending! The writing was excellent, I got all kinds of banner ideas and mental images from it which not every story can do. You have some good characterization and a nice plot. It was a very refreshing read.

Author's Response: *cough* If you'd like to show me one of those banners when you're done...I won't dissaprove. ;) Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Khrys
Date: 08/14/06 21:46
Chapter: That Fateful Night

First off, the ending to this story was really powerful for me. I can sympathize with the feeling of being trapped in a house where you are not free to speak your mind and be your own person. The way you portrayed the relationship between the two brothers is how I would picture it in "real life" in the books. I can't imagine the two of them getting along too well while one of them was constantly hiding his true feelings and thoughts. What a great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I tried to pull the Sirius and Regulus from the books out in my fanfiction with a new twist. I'm glad you liked it!

Reviewer: kumydabookworm
Date: 08/14/06 11:37
Chapter: That Fateful Night

I love that dialogue between Sirius and Regulus. They are often portrayed as friendly, at least before their ways part. I happen to think they would fight all the time, because Regulus prefers submission, while Sirius is independent in his ways. You portrayed that very well.

I like your opening. The description is marvelous, and the wording is carefully woven, and I can tell that you worked hard on it.

Overall, very nice job. I could have used a bit more of the story, but I liked what you had, as well. :)

Kumy

Author's Response: Thanks. I would love to have worked more on this story as well, but it was written for a challenge given by the Slytherins and I wasn't given much room to play with. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Dumbledore Prince
Date: 08/13/06 4:33
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Wow!

It was the title that intrigued me, and I'm glad that I clicked on the link!

Your characterisation of Sirius is just too good. You've brought out the Marauder and rebel in him, without making him sound extremely silly. I was also impressed by your portrayal of his detached nature: not many authors show this side of Sirius.

Regulus's characterisation is very good as well. I like how you made him show very little empathy for Sirius and disguise it rather effectively. Grimmauld Place is accurately depictedl: lavish for an outsider and hell for a few inhabitants.

I have a problem with one thing. I feel that a better depiction of Walburga is needed, because your descriptions in this regard makes it sound as if it's her portrait yelling after her death, and not her living self.

All in all, a brilliantly concieved one-shot!

Author's Response: Yes, I sort of felt that her protrait was yelling at them as well, but that is how I imagine her even in life. I just see her as a mother who yells and screams a lot at her children and just cares about "the family name." Thanks for the great review!

Reviewer: Lily_greeneyes
Date: 08/13/06 1:30
Chapter: That Fateful Night

Nice fic!

I reckon you've caught the family conflict quite well, between him (Sirius) and his brother, and his mother. And I reckon you've characterised Sirius quite well - especially loved these lines you used to describe him:

" He was not afraid of showing the real person that resided within his body. He was not scared of showing the world what he thought and how he felt. And he definitely was not worried about disappointing the parents that never loved him."

It demostrates his fiery/rebel character at home. Not that he isn't at school, but definitely much more at home, when it concerns his family.

And with Regulus, that's the exact way I imagined him as well! As someone who obeyed the 'rules and regulations' around the house, but never really believed in them. Someone who was in the spotlight, but didn't seem to believe he belonged there.

The Black house was also decribed quite well; the imagery was great. It really made me feel as if I as looking at a house (my version of the Black house...) through the good side, and then the evil side, as corny as that may sound.

Now onto criticism...to be honest, I haven't got any! Grammar, spelling, descriptions...all were done well! The atmosphere of it (gloomy, tense) really set the mood of the story.

Oh, and I also liked the last line: "...he would be viewing it through the eyes of an onlooker."

And again, this was a great fic! I enjoyed reading it.



Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words. I really tried to pull out the personality of Regulus and Sirius in this, while giving them my own twist. Thanks again!

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