Wow, great description! The details you had throughout the story were amazing. I especially liked the description of the storm. You got every feature of the rain and the wind and the sky in, but it wasn’t boring. I liked the flow and the rhythm you had with the description. It really helped create not only the setting, but the atmosphere as well. I liked how you began describing the storm and slowly went into writing Hermione’s emotions from there. And using the picture of the four of them was a great way to trigger her feelings. The jump you make from the present setting to Hermione’s thoughts and memories was very smooth and connected.
In a way, it reminded me of old pictures — monochromatic greys that featured patches of blacks and whites.
There is something about this line that is so poetic. I like how you used this to relate to Hermione’s life since the final battle. The old pictures made a great metaphor and compared well with Hermione’s life. This line really stood out to me! The only suggestion I might make would be to change ‘pictures’ to ‘photographs’ to really complete the poetic feeling of the phrase. But it’s still really good the way you have it.
The flashback scene worked well. It gave us a glimpse into what had happened, but it was short and to the point. I also thought you wrote the emotions between the characters well. I like how Hermione keeps that slight hope, but deep down she already knows that Harry is going to die. Harry is just how I imagined him being, saying how much he loves them all before dying. I also liked how I didn’t get a romantic sense from it, but more of a strong friendship between them. Their emotions towards each other are in no way overdone, and I thought they had the right amount of hope and sadness.
When you wrote the reason for Hermione being so studious, you really grasped her character well. Her using books and knowledge as a way to cover up her real personality was a great reason to give. I am very impressed by your characterization of Hermione, a character that is highly difficult to write well. This also really proved why she was not sorted into Ravenclaw. We can see that deep down what she really cares about most is friendship and the strength that she has with the people she cares about. You make her shine as the true Gryffindor she is.
I have one small canon nicpick…
Without warning, the electricity died out, leaving me stranded in the gloominess of my own house.
Since Hermione is a witch, I doubt she would have electricity. Instead you could change it to ‘the lights flickered off’. You mentioned electricity in the story one other time as well.
The ending of this was lovely. I like how the ending starts off as kind of sad but ends as hopeful and optimistic. You also show Hermione being very wise when she speaks to Harry. I like how she can look back on it and really see how Harry changed her life and helped make her who she is. When someone came by Hermione’s side in the end you left us off with a bit of mystery as to whom the person was and you also left us reassured that Hermione was going to be okay by leaving it off on a hopeful note. Great work!
Katty – Knight of the Turnip Table
awww i love it. it's so sad but still kind of...beautiful. If you know what I mean. Hermione is very well written and I like it especially as I think that harry will defeat voldemort in book seven and die himself which I actually would find kind of suitable...so your one shot really was a wonderful example for this theory.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review, dear. You really made my day! I'm glad you thought I wrote Hermione well, and I always kind of thought there might be a chance Harry would die after defeating Voldemort. Ah, well, guess we'll have to wait for book seven! Thanks for reading!
Awww... That was so perfect. The ending was wonderful, very well done. Hermione was written well, you didn't over exaggurate her sadness, which some people often do.
I really did like it! Awesome job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you thought that I did a good job with Hermione. Oh, and thanks a million for the banners!
Hello, Emily. So nice to see you have a new story out! And from the POV of one of my favorite characters, too.
One thing that I really liked about your story is that you don't beat around the bush with your plot. By the second paragraph we've already got a good feel for how the story is going to go - and I like that.
One thing that I find extra appealing about this fic is just your use of descriptive words. In a way, it reminded me of old pictures — monochromatic greys that featured patches of blacks and whites. I love that sentence. For some reason I'm a sucker for things described as old photographs/other grey things. And it really just adds to the feel of almost ... blankness that I get from Hermione.
If I had to make one small complaint about this chapter, it would be that it felt very Harry/Hermione. Which isn't supposed to be a bash on those shippers - but I'm almost 100% positive that you weren't going for that feeling. Parts that really made it stand out like that was the flashback and the graveyard scene. "B-but there was something I wanted to say to you as well, something that I didn’t get the chance to tell you before you d-died.” I have to admit, I was bracing myself to hear her say 'I love you'.
In any case, I thought this was really nicely done and I'm going to be poking you to do a lot more stories, now. Keep up the good work, darling.
Author's Response: Ooh, thanks for your great review, Ashley! I'm happy that you liked my story. I'm rather pleased with the way it turned out, actually, considering that I wrote it when I was half-asleep. About the Harry/Hermione feel, I know what you mean. I originally intended for it to be Harry/Hermione, but then I threw in that random line about Ron, so I had to ditch that idea. yeah, I kind of wanted to just write, "I love you", but I decided it was too predictable. So I kind of went down the friendship route. Thanks again! :)
I'm so proud of you for getting over your writer's block, and so excited that you entered this challenge!!! :D I hope that you'll be able to more challenges in the future. :)
Now...I loved how you alternated Hermione's grief with her practical side - that's very in character. I also liked how you kept the person who said "It's okay, Hermione," a mystery. That fits in very well with both the title and the banner itself.
Author's Response: Thanks, Kumy! I was pretty glad to have beat my writer's block as we.. :) I'm glad you thought I wrote Hermione in character. I actually was really worried that I screwed it up badly, but I'm happy it turned out okay. And the "mystery person" is exactly what I wanted to do. Yay! And thanks again!
Oh my gooooosh! I'm crying like a baby! That was sooo sad! But good, too. Oh my gosh... I NEVER cry! Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I'm glad you thought it was good. Yeah, I must admit it was a bit sad, though.
Whoa. Your story gave me chills and a bit of tears.
This story showed an extremely important lesson to all, Gryffindor or otherwise. Thank you for the great lesson.
You nailed Hermione's character superbly. I've never seen an explanation for Hermione's need to bury herself in schoolwork and books. And here it is, delivered in her own wonderful words.
I don't think you needed the flashback. It led your story into the direction of Harry/Hermione, whether that was your intention or not. Yet in the end, I came to the conclusion that the love between them wasn't romantic. It was merely strong, strong friendship. I find the latter relationship much more fitting than the former.
You wrote to allow me to use all of my five senses while reading this story and I enjoyed it. You not only showed me the scene and the story but you took me further. You brought me to the scene. Behold the magic of words when pieced just right.
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review, Beth. I'm glad you thought that I characterized Hermione well; I actually wasn't sure how to approach it, but I'm happy it turned out properly. I know the flashback kind of make you think about H/Hr, because I was originally going in that direction, but I changed my mind later on. I decided just friendship was good enough. :) Hehe, I didn't know you got a lesson out of this, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
aw. that was really good i thought that ending peice was really nice and all the stuff she said it really fits very well. great job :)
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for your review! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm happy that I managed to make Hermione say stuff that made good sense.
Very nicely written. I loved the part about the differences of love and hate.
Author's Response: Thank you! The quote about the love and hate is one of my all-time favourite quotes, actually. Like Hermione, I heard it somewhere and it really meant something.