As with your other story "Through the Eyes of an Onlooker" I really enjoyed how you began and ended with the same thing. (", like many before me, was born on the streets. I grew up on the streets; I lived on the streets, and I eventually thrived on the streets. I had been given no choice. And because of this, to the streets I would one day return.") Doing that really seemed to tie everything together.
One thing I thought you did in this story that was interesting was changing the POV at certain parts. It really helped make the story unique and interesting. I haven't read too many stories where the author would just switch like that, but you did a nice job of writing this story that way.
Another thing I greatly enjoyed about this story is how you tied in the parts with Tom and Merope, making the main character of this story become a part of his life. That's something I would never have thought about doing. I also enjoyed what you wrote about Tom feeling out of control in his mind during the day, and not knowing why he felt that way at night. I'm assuming that is because of the effects of the love potion Merope used on him.
Anyways, lovely job. I look forward to reading more of you fics.
Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review. Like I said in your other one, I love pulling the beginning back in the end. I think it really ties the fic together. And yes, I wrote Tom as sort of confused yet angered because the effects of the love potion wear off at night.
That was my reaction after reading this.
I love how you alternate between third person and first person -- it makes the fic different from others'. You have a knack for beginning strong and finishing strong. Your endings are always powerful and to me, one of my favorite parts of your stories.
You seem to like writing the young Voldemort and your characterization of him is done well. I've always thought that it would be hard giving Tom a personality because he's such a 3D character, but you've made it seem almost effortless.
My only concrit here is for you to have explained the relationship between Tom and Sara in this last section more. We know they got married and lived 'happily' but how did their everyday life go. You've set this relationship up over the greater part of this story and then it's over within a sentence.
My favorite line is the last:
I, like many before me, was born on the streets. I grew up on the streets; I lived on the streets, and I eventually thrived on the streets. I had been given no choice. And because of this, to the streets I would one day return.
I can't find any words to desribe why I like it -- a 'marvelous' job doesn't even begin to cover it.
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you. I appreciate that a lot.
And, the reason I didn't give a lot to their everyday life was because that wasn't supposed to be the main focus of the story. Plus, Tom was supposed to die because Voldemort killed him, so it didn't really need to be explained. But thanks so much for the compliments; I appreciate it.
Excellent story, Shayla. What I like most about it is that it's completely different from the book, but doesn't defy cannon. That's a hard feat to pull off.
I also liked the way you switched back and forth from narrative to third person styles. At first I thought that you didn't know which style you liked better, but after it was done I understood much better.
Great story, dear!
- Jacie the Cat
Author's Response: *giggle* I try my best, Jacie.
Thanks for the review!
Very descriptive! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I worked hard on this one.
Very descriptive! Great job!
Author's Response: Double review?