Goodness! What an idea! I really enjoyed this!
This was brilliantly written. I really felt bad for Sara, but at least she took the chance and had sixteen happy years, most people are either too scared to try or never get the chance. For some reason i'm reminded of a Narnia story, The Silver Chair. Hope to read more of your work soon, this was great!
Author's Response: Hey thanks. I really appreciate new reviews.
The transitions in Sara were wonderfully put. Something that I thought was a little weird was the similie used at the begining: ''Everything I’ve loved has been ripped away like a child from its mother.'' I pretty sure that it ment it was painful, but how often does a child get ripped from its mother. It's a really powerful statement and really gets the point across but I still thought it was wrong.
Mormally I'm not one for minimal conversation, but you really pulled it off. You had them speak without actually using words. Really good writting!
Author's Response: Thanks. I love putting connections between characters that one can just feel rather then having to say them in my writing. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
This is an extremely well written one-shot, and I really like your characterisation of Sara! It's good to see things from her point of view now, as after reading Amortentia, I wasn't quite sure what to make of her!
The way you have begun and ended the story by describing Sara's association to the streets, works really well; it seems almost poetic the way that she is born there, and at the very end, returns.
I also like the way that you have written about Tom's emotions in this. The part where he expresses that night time is the only time that he can truly behave the way he wants, works very well and his anguish is extremely realistic!
Love your writing style, and this is an extremely powerful story. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks. I've often been critisized on my writing style much before, and I'm glad you liked it. I also enjoy this fic as I think it's one of my best. Thanks for the review!
I thought that this was a very interesting one-shot. I thought you captured all of characters well, and I overall enjoyed it. Good Job!
Author's Response: Thanks. I worked hard on that.
This is amazing! I love the character you've created here. she is very real, and I feel her sadness, resigning herself to the fact that she was meant to be alone. It is so sad, but I love it all the same. Very nicely done.
Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.
I can't believe I've never reviewed this story-- I know I've read it before and thought about how good it was, but I never reviewed! I love so many things about this story, and it was a real pleasure to read twice.
One of the things I really enjoyed about reading the story was how it switched from a first person point of view to a third person. That took a lot of literary risk and daring, and I'm glad to say it worked well. I love your OC Sara. She really is a great character and its great to see her from both her own POV and an omniscient POV.
I also like the idea that this is basically a love story involving Voldemort's father. I find it highly interesting that you have Sara thinking the Riddles made such a good couple. You clearly show how things aren't always what they look like. I also like the idea that she is in love with Tom, Sr. Very few people ever loved him and I find it highly interesting you put him in a romantic relationship with someone else. The only thing is I feel it is a tad bit OOC for him to stay with a woman for sixteen years. Maybe you could have him leave Sara for no reason, for her to despair about it a bit, and then for her to find out of his death years later. You have a great story but I feel that would make a nice twist.
Anyway, great story! It was a true pleasure to read and review. After this story, I am definitely going to check out more of your stories- you are an excellent author!
Author's Response: Actually, I think it is rather in character for him to want to stay with a woman for as long as possible if he can tolerate her, because he's not like his son in that way. But thanks for the review and especially your ending words.
This was really good! I would have never thought of Tom escaping Merope with another woman. After a bad experience like this one, I had imagined that he would have been scared of being with somebody else. But the way you presented the situation, with him getting to know Sara during his moments of lucidity was brilliant!
You did a nice use of the first and third point of view. It allows the reader to get a better comprehension of what's going on with the characters. I like that a lot!
The way you described Sara was nice too. You made us understand well the feeling of resignation that she has about her situation: she was born on the streets and could never wish to escape the streets completely. I felt bad for her. Tom proved her that she could be more than what she thought because he saw something special in her and loved her, but she sticked with her misconception of herself. I have to say that I really enjoyed this, it has a psychological aspect that I appreciate a lot!
Author's Response: I loved that you said you felt bad for her. Because in my other fic I write her as the same way but because it's from Merop's point of view you view her as evil because she takes Tom away. But I'm happy to hear that you didn't feel that this way. Thanks for the review!
Wow. That was an amazingly written piece. It's the alternate side of your other fic, I believe, and it is a really beautiful way. We got to see Sara's side, and exactly what was going through her mind, and how her and Tom really got together.
A beautifully written, yet sad story. Wonderful work.
Author's Response: Thanks, I've always lived Sara's side of the story a lot. Thanks for the review!
It's good how well you've tied in the title with the story, but also twisted in a kind of red herring, the Tom part.
Then the desciption of Tom's death to Saram was wonderful, describing how she had lost everything she had. But eventually returned to the streets. It's a lovely story.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you. I worked hard on this.
Wow...*is dazed* It was amazing how you got an OC like Sara and gave her such depth...to tell you the truth, I don't usually like reading fics with an OC as the protagonist, but I had to make an exception for this. As soon as I read the first few paragraphs, I just had to keep reading.
As with your other story, Amortentia, I really felt drawn to the characters and in this case, Sara, and all the description really made the bridge. And I know I've said this earlier, but you can really make describing things seem really easy, yet intruiging and not boring.
I like how you gave her the 'poor and unworthy' status and then brought her up to a better life, but then she had to fall back down again when she lost Tom. And even before that happened, I really liked the interaction between them.
I really enjoyed reading this one-shot! =)
Author's Response: Aww, thank you. I'm glad that so many of you have read Amortentia first, as this is supposed to be backstory to that fic. Sara really comes into a brighter light here, and I'g glad you see that. Thanks for the review!
Wow, this was really cool. I have read "Amortentia" as well, so it was interesting to see Tom and Merope's relationship through someone else's point of view. It's also kind of weird to think of Tom actually being in love with someone. Strange... Voldemort can't stand love, though it seems it's what both his parents wanted so much.
I noticed just one capitalization error, but other than that, it was perfect.
Author's Response: Yes, at the end of the Epilogue of AMortentia I mention how it was odd that someone who despised love would come from a mother who yearned for it so much. Thanks for the review!
Awesome work! I completely understand what you meant about realising why Sara would give Merope gold. This was really impressive. A Challenge Very Well Met!
Author's Response: Thanks, I was hopeing that if someone read this fic first and then Amortentia, then they would understand more the ending of the latter. Thanks for the great review!
Wow... I really liked the ending. It had a nice sense of finality to it that some fics lack. I think you did a wonderful job or portraying Tom Riddle Sr. under the effects of the love potion very well indeed and Sara was a marvelously written OC too. You have all the right ingrediants in all the right amounts and it makes for a lovely fic. Good Job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I suppose it's how you put the ingrediants in the pot that makes a good fic, though.
The imagery in this story is amazing. The way you show her thoughts and feeling about her life on the streets, and her relationship with Tom are nothing short of incredibly realistic. I like how you worked in the death of Tom's family and the accusations of the gardener. What struck me the most was when she said "Everyone told me it was the dear gardener who did it, but I knew the old man and could tell he was as innocent as the rest of us." That line really made me think about how it would be to live life o nthe streets and whether or not I would be jaded against people I didn't know. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted the reader to sort of feel bad, but also think of how their life would be had it happened to them. I'm glad you liked it!
Wow. I loved this. We never think about what happened to Tom Riddle Sr. after he left Merope Gaunt. This was a wonderful depiction.
Your ending was beautiful in its rhetoric. I loved how you ended by pulling in your title again. :)
The only complaint I have was the repetition in the beginning. You have "ripped away" several times as well as a few other phrases, and it just doesn't pull me into the story.
Sarah was so much like Merope - so desperate, so unwanted (on the streets). It's strange how Tom traded in a girl for another that was so much like her.
Good luck with the challenge! You've blown my submission entirely out of the water!!!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks for that last bit. I must say that I'm hopeing to do well with this piece as I think it's one of my favourites, but I'm sure yours will do well, too. Thanks for the suggestions!
Wow! This is an extremely powerful piece. I love the references to Amortentia. You've done an incredible job keeping this in sync with the story it relates to. Sara is so real you can touch her. Determined, driven, self-sufficient - a Slytherin if I ever saw one. Wonderful!
Author's Response: Being a Slytherin myself, I must say she was an easy write. But I'm glad you liked her!
Wow, that was spectacular! You are extremely descriptive throughout the entire story, and I know others have said this, but I loved how you alternate between first and third person. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done in a fic, and that made this very unique. I think it also gives us a better picture of what’s going on, because it’s not just told from one point of view.
My favorite paragraph out of the whole fic, would have to be the first one. Especially the “Everything I’ve loved has been ripped away like a child from its mother.” line. That one sentence gives me such a good sense of what you’re trying to say. And even though it is a such a sad paragraph, it pulled me in, and made me want to keep reading.
I also loved (just like everyone else) how you repeated the line, “I was born on the streets, and on the streets I would one day return.” It is such a powerful and sad line, and it brings the story together by using it in the beginning and the end.
Great job!! =]
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words. You know, I didn't even realize I was switching between POV for a while, but then when I did I left it because I decided I liked it better. And I'm glad you did as well. Thanks for the review!
Interesting, and a very original story.
The OC you've created definitely has emotional depth. I've always thought that Tom Riddle probably married Cecilia after he left Merope, but now I see many different possibilities. I also like the way the story leans towards the Dark/Angst category. The descriptions are definitely worth appreciating.
However, I felt that even though emotional depth was present, it was not enough. Perhaps the cause for such a feeling is that the story is only a one-shot. I would suggest that you describe the characters a bit more, especially Merope and Sara.
A good story with a mix of everything, even though not necessarily in the right proportions.
Author's Response: Thank you for the reveiw. And, actually, I did want to make this character Cecilia, but it had to be an OC so I made up someone new instead. And thank you for your suggestions as well.
Wow. That was such a touching story. I can see how the potion on Tom Riddle Sr. effected him, and how he was fighting to get out of the trap Merope put him in. I feel really bad for Sara getting stuck in the middle of the entire mess. Your writing had me picturing the entire story as it progressed. I felt her loneliness at the end as she lost everything she took a chance to gain. I was wondering how she wasn't there when Voldemort killed the Riddles. You explained that plainly also. :)
Author's Response: Thank you. I've always thought the key to a good fic was explaing all the details and not leaving anything out. Thanks for your wonderful words!