Very well written, you've made it extremely easy to empathise with Samara, I probably have an advantage being blind myself, but still. I'm now wondering who the boy who saved her was, any relation to Harry? And her friends Lily and Molly wouldn't be decendents of his by any chance?
perspective***
Author's Response: Thank you again. XD
my review is so late!, i only just read the story now and it was so good!, espicially how Samara was a Snape. I think you did a great job with getting the perpective and writing as an eleven year old. That was a great story/diary entry.
-Annabella
Author's Response: Thank you. :D
Leah! Okay, so, this review is so well deserved and so late that I can’t apologize often enough. I hope that the 650 words [which is what I’m aiming for - Mar wants me to practice writing shorter reviews ;)] coming after this will more than make up for my long absence from your review page. Anyway, I have a story to review, don’t I? Well, I’ll get to it and stop blabbering now.
Now, there is a very good reason why I chose this fic above the others on your review page [I had a hard time picking, btw - they all looked good!]. Diary entries aren’t exactly the Holy Grail when it comes to rarity in the HP world, but if done correctly, they can make entertaining little reads. I found out that you did just that with an eleven-year old, who, surprise surprise - is a member of the Snape clan! When reading, you don’t see this, and you learn to get into the heart and mind of a little girl that talks about her beloved daddy and her shocking disability. And she does it with such an ease, that these little jolts of electricity that go down your spine from these shocking facts about her life diminish until you get to the surprising end, when she signs her name. It’s so unexpected, it’s fantastic!
I’m just going to go ahead and deal with some little issues I found. : )
He gets really mad at people who don't treat me like I'm porcelain. While you do a fantastic job of conveying the sense that there actually is an eleven year old girl writing this, I’d doubt she’d use the word porcelain [though, at the time of the story, who knows]. I think she’d might use the word “glass” instead.
I hope I make new friends at school. I don't make new friends easily anymore. Most kids get freaked out by my blindness. While this is one of those “aww” situations, I think that the “freaked out” portion of the quote is incredibly out of character for a wizard. I do love that little hope she’ll make friends though. :D
Now, back to the fabulousness that is the rest of the fic. First of all: her relationship with her daddy. She clearly loves him. It’s so sweet to see that father-daughter relationship take hold. And the incident in where she went blind - I think I’m a bit thick-headed this afternoon, because I’m not exactly sure what happened, but it’s good that she does explain to her diary about her blindness. It gives the reader a chance to look into and understand her life better than we ever thought we could.
This was so entertaining! I loved it, loved it, loved it. I hope my incredibly short review is worthy enough for my lateness and the greatness of your work. I can only hope! *hug*
Author's Response: That's short? I think it is just right, dear. I still need to review something for you. *feels bad* Anyway, thank you for the review! I will look at those things you pointed out. I am very glad you liked it! I am working on the main fic about this character. I lost my muse for it for a while, I hope it comes back to life soon. *hugs* ~Leah
Thought of the perfect way to brighten your day a little, hopefully! Nothing like a review, in my opinion!
Anyway, I really liked the way you spelled "Muma" - kind of clinched the age POV for me.
I still think words like "betrayed" are a bit advanced for a nine-year-old's thinking, if you know what I mean.
I absolutely loved the emotions that came through in this piece. For examples, the exclamations at the names of her friends - I could SEE her that excited. A little girl, poised on the balls of her feet, hyperactive and full of pep! :)
Nice work, Leah. Thank you for working so hard at MNFF in addition to all the stuff you do in RL.
Love,
Kumy
Author's Response: Aw....*blushes* Thank you! That does make me feel good! :D Oh, and Sam is eleven in this one-shot, not nine.
This is well written, you manage to hold on to a typical rambling style of a young girl eager to write about everything in her diary.
The intrigue at the end is marvelous, begging a number of questions. We know Severus doesn't have a daughter (confirmed by JKR), so that leaves a possibility of a brother or Severus' son.
Sam's condition is also quoite interesting. For someone going to Hogwarts, given the size of the castle, the number of students (and immature people there) it'd be intriguing to see how she manages to cope with the troubles of a normal life at Hogwarts - the problems that she'd have in a number of classes: Divination, Astonomy, Potions, COMC certainly would be problematic for a blind student.
There also sounds like there could be more to be had on the domestic front as well.
Well done on a well written start, and I'll look forward to reading the chaptered fic.
Author's Response: Thank you! I love long reviews! :) She does have a lot of this to deal with, but magic helps her. I will try to get the chaptered fic up before I go back to school at the end of August. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Ooo..that wsreally good. I really want to know who her mother is. Is she someone we know from the hp series or is she your own character. I have a feeling who Lily and Mollys parents are. Your a really great writer..i am always interested inyour stories..and they bring me into them. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you so very much! *blushes* Sam's mum is an OC, but we all know her papa very well. I'm not saying anything else though, because these characters are part of a chaptered fic I am working on. So you will see more of them. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
