This was chilling. I do hope Aurelia did escape her despised father and canvas mother to a life of happiness. It takes someone with certain qualities to recognise those qualities in others they say, and although narcissa feels it's too late for herself, at least she had enough left in her to push Aurelia in the right direction.
Oh Laura! I feel so bad that every time I give you a review like this I have nothing to criticize but instead just gush for forever and a day about how great you are. I’m sorry to disappoint you again, but that is what you are getting this time too.
You just keep improving as a writer, from the first Chapter I’ve read of Warmth to now the change is just unbelievable. Emancipation was absolutely incredibly written. With such little dialogue you were able to captivate my attention and make me want to read this story forever, I mean, it was a story I didn’t want to end. It was so entertaining, and Auriela is a character that you just want to know so well. She might possibly be my new favorite OC of fanfiction. She is so real, all talk but no action. Knowing what her father does is wrong but serves him anyway. Her fear even in logic, she is such a beautiful character!
Her interactions with her mother at the beginning of the story were really emotional. I felt really bad for her. It would be impossible to let go with a portrait there to remind you of her lonely life, and yet it was like having something familiar to give her inspiration and hope. What a struggle to just have that portrait. I could feel for her as she debated whether she should talk to the portrait or not, and her anger towards the portrait and her mother.
Her relationship with her mother and her father really explains so much about her character. It was really well thought out and developed instead of just making her the way she is out of default. It just explains so much more about her and why she acts the way she does in Warmth.
The whole ball scene was very good, just as captivating as the rest of the story. I don’t have any specific praise or complaint about it, it was just well done.
Just in case you need reassurance, your characterization of Lucius was dead on as usual, so no worries, very well done. He was just as slimy and unfeeling as usual yet seductive at the same time. How does(do) he (you) do it?
I think the best part of the whole story was the end, despite the fact that the story actually had to end. Narcissa was incredible! I think you finally found your niche in writing her character because it was so right. And it was right that she wanted to help Auriela instead of condemning her. If she hadn’t been with Lucius then Narcissa would have never had told her what she did, oh the incredibleness of it all. It was just so good.
Two minor suggestions:
I fall into a temporary daze that is only disturbed when the horses move forwards*** into a walking pace.
I think you want to switch “forwards” to just “forward”, it sounds a bit awkward the other way.
I’m too lazy to pick them all out, but you mention that eyes “settle” a lot, sometimes just sentences away from the last time you said it. It gets a little redundant, while it’s really nice to say their eyes settled on something, you might want to switch it up a bit.
Other than those two little things, the story was amazing. I was so impressed, it wasn’t like reading fanfiction, because everything was your own. I felt like I could read this in a book. You keep getting better and I feel so lucky to have come across you and your writing, it makes me feel very blessed.
Lyrical. I'm curious to know what happens to her.
*hugs Laura and Aurelia*
This is an impressive piece of writing, and a story that I found particularly enjoyable in a strange kind of way- which is something that's not happening much at the moment with stuff that I'm reading.
It's impossible but to feel sorry for Aurelia as she battles with her want to escape the domestic violence from her father, and the own imposed limits she places on herself through her own insecurity.
Aurelia is a character with such complexities that I could spend all night analysing her and the situation from your carefully crafted narration, but I won't.
I have a problem with Albionton, which I think I mentioned to you at one point last month - but that's probably just me - it just seems clumsy with the repetition of 'on'.
But if that is a flaw, it is a minor one at that, and certainly not one that detracts from the finished article.
Narcissa's involvement at the end is most intriguing, introducing a side we perhaps would not expect. She provides the paternal or indeed maternal love that Aurelia has been long deprived of, and it's refreshing to see that there is someone who can offer a realistic glimmer of hope in what seems a world of despair.
And I'll leave it there.
*waves at Laura*
I enjoyed this story immensely, despite it's ratings and warnings - Aurelia is a beautifully written character who reflects the cold beauty of the Pure-blood world.
The way Aurelia talks about Diagon Alley is spine-chilling, (Excuse my lack of vocabulary) yet it's fascinating, a unique way of exploring the unknown world of HP. Her descriptions of the Solstice Balls are again, engrossing and rich in detail, and gives us some facts about Aurelia's life.
It does not provide me with the same reassurance as the real person. I love this line - I know that the HP fandom in general seems to think that portraits can be a substitute for a dead person, but this sentence tells us that it's different. And that, of course, is the truth. Portraits are portraits, people are people.
I found myself hating Aurelia's father, since obviously he's an avaricious man who uses his daughter for his own merits, which is sinister - but it seems so real, a darker side of the HP world that is hardly ever written about.
The descriptions of the ball are once again, amazing. You have a great way with words, and they always seem to suck me into the story!
It's painful to see the way that Aurelia has lived - yet she's so talented at grasping the hearts of the Pure-blooded men.
Narcissa was an interesting twist to the story, and she was in a different light, and I've never seen her written in this way, but I liked it. From underneath her hooded lids, her eyes reveal her own trapped ambitions; they’re a window to her enslaved desires. This sentence is really deep and quite dark, and I think you've written the sad beauty of the Pure-bloods wonderfully.
I hope that Aurelia will find her way out of this somehow. The last sentence is so sad, since it's what happened to her mother, but it finished the story perfectly.
And sorry for the cheesy review ;)
Well its a strangely told story. This aurelia shows all the signs of being abused, but never is there out right violence. And Lucius's actions were a little confusing just cuz Aurelia couldnt interpret whether he desired her or otherwise....and just one other thing. You wrote:
"I didn’t intend to fall asleep but I never intend many things nowadays."
Written in first person like that makes it seem like Aurelia was conscious of falling asleep. That is all.:D