You open with Quidditch, and you've written it well. That game can be so challenging to write fluidly. It's tempting to try to tell everything but then that gets boring. I liked your balance, and ouch, poor Harry's nose. He's always getting creamed at that game.
I honestly clicked on this story because of the title. Your opening doesn't go anywhere with the tease and that's killing me. I will simply have to read on.
its very good! Please add the next chapter soon!
Apparently, you need some reviews. *cracks knuckles* Just kidding. Your writing is mature and very descriptive. I really like it. I also like the affects you use on Warson's dialogue to pop him out into a more lifelike personality. Two problems though. Harry's dialogue doesn't seem to be REAL. If you know what I mean. Try going over it and imagining if it is something that a teenager would actually say. And try to get into his head more during his conversations. (Like the one in this chap.) One more thing, the story seems good, but a longer chapter might create more suspense and not make the story seem like it's going no where.
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review, I'll work on that chapter (I'm only fourteen years old, so there's a lot I can learn.) If it's not too much to ask, maybe you could read chapter three and review that too, b/c so far you're the only review I've got and I could use some more constructive critisizm. Thanks!