Reviews For Amor Non Mutuus
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/07/12 18:34
Chapter: One-shot

I love seeing different versions of this history! Poor Merope! I think he should have listened to her conscience right away! But then, my favorite character would never have been born...
Great job!

Reviewer: Tara Lux
Date: 07/07/07 21:16
Chapter: One-shot

Great job! Excellent depiction of Merope and Tom's relationsihp - exactly how I pictured it.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: sayiansirius
Date: 04/07/07 23:07
Chapter: One-shot

This was a nicely written fiction, Mini. I like your style and especially your characterization of Merope. This is my first Merope/Tom fic and I enjoyed it! Merope seemed very believable and her character seems imaginable – given that we don’t know much about her. You have really shown that she is truly in love with Tom by the phrases that you use. There are times when I feel really bad for her for having to result to using a love potion for someone to love her. When an author gets a reader to feel that emotion, that shows great writing!

One thing that I both liked and disliked was your style of getting straight to the point. There are places where it works and you seem to have included all of those places and used this writing style well. But there are other places where I think a bigger scene and more detail could be used. For example, the scene where Tom is brought out of the spell of the love potion. I feel that that scene should have been extended a bit more to build up the climax; it was very rushed. Naturally, I would have thought that he would first examine his surroundings, trying to make sense of everything before really recognizing Merope and then going on a rampage. I think that scene would have had a greater impact on the reader if tweaked a bit.

My mother had died while giving birth to me.
I thought this was very nicely placed. It seemed like the right time to say something like it and it’s like a foreshadowing. It would be ironic if her mother had really died giving birth to her – it would run in the family.

I had prepared Fortis Amor that was a love potion whose effects would last for approximately eight hours.
I think a period belongs after “Fortis Amor” or maybe try re-wording this sentence to make it sound better.

He was looking at me in a whole new light. There was something in Tom’s eyes — not suspicion, but a mixture of lust and love. He closed the bottle quickly and gave it back to me.
I personally do not think that the first sentence of this quote is needed. It is kind of repetitive, giving that you mentioned that there was something in his eyes and that it was something new.

Overall, you have done a very nice job telling the sad story of Merope. I liked this very much and I hope to read other things from you soon!

~KC


Author's Response: I'm very happy that you like my writing style (overall, at least). You're right about some points in the story being rushed; unfortunately, it's one of my weaknesses, as I've mentioned in another review response. Thank you for this great review, KC! It made my day! *grins*

Reviewer: lily_evans34
Date: 11/23/06 10:26
Chapter: One-shot

Mini! *huggles SPEW twin and gets on to real reviewing*

I really, really enjoyed this fic, Mini. I’ve read quite a few on Merope and Tom’s relationship, and they all go along the same lines, basically because all we know in canon is the outline of what happened. But I really liked the way that you wrote this one. For one thing, it was first person, which I always adore, because it gives more of an insight to the character’s feelings. The way you described Merope’s living conditions, and her love for Tom, I couldn’t help but to sympathize with her throughout this story. You wrote her in a believable way—love sick, and rather guilty about what she was doing to Tom. I think that this is as close to canon as you can get.

One thing that I really liked about your style was the way you came upfront and stated things. This was told in a rather upfront matter, but what made it interesting was that you wrote it as though Merope was looking back at all of this, as though we were looking at simple anecdotes that made up Merope’s life. I enjoyed your distinct style.

His eyes rested for a moment on Salazar Slytherin’s locket (I was wearing it around my neck). I’m probably just pointing this out because of my extreme distaste of parentheses, but I think this line would flow better if it was ‘His eyes rested for a moment on Salazar Slytherin’s locket, which I wore around my neck.’ /small nitpicky thing

“Here, drink water,” I said, handing over the bottle; doing my best to keep a neutral expression. In this line, Merope’s dialogue seems a bit odd. ‘Drink water’ seems like a rather primitive command—I would have her say something like ‘Have a drink of water’.

I did not have the courage to abandon the use of the love potion. I really liked this line, because it gives such a great insight to Merope’s character. From what you’ve written, we already know that she feels bad about using the love potion, but now we see a more timid side to her. This was always how I’ve seen Merope, so I really like the way that you wrote her internal conflicts. Your characterization was definitely the strong point in this fic, though the whole thing was lovely!

I liked the ending, but I think it came on a bit quickly, with Tom realising that he didn’t love Merope. After taking a love potion for months on end, I doubt that a few drops of antidote would have done that much to Tom. Maybe you could have waited a few hours for it to take effect, if you didn’t want to wait on this scene for too long. I’m also slightly confused as to why Merope gave him the antidote in the first place. I would think that she would be a bit unnerved about not giving him the potion at all—let alone giving him something that would work against the potion.

Tom backed away cautiously, and said, “Goodbye,” in a voice of forced calm. In this story, does Tom know that Merope’s a witch? Because if he doesn’t, I think he’d be more questioning, and less frightened, of her holding a stick up to his face.

Though I do think that the scene where he leaves is a tad rushed, I think it’s fine the way it is. This story seems to be Merope looking back on what happened with her and Tom, and she only includes the major events. At first the abrupt ending caught me off guard, but then I realised that the whole fic was fast paced, so I didn’t think much of it after at.

But despite my little nitpicks, I really did enjoy reading this story. I hope to read more by you soon! ♥

Author's Response: Rachel! *squees and hugs back* Thanks for this long review and the conc. crit!

To answer your question ...

In this story, does Tom know that Merope’s a witch? Because if he doesn’t, I think he’d be more questioning, and less frightened, of her holding a stick up to his face.

Yes, he knows. I haven't mentioned it, that's all.

I'm really, really proud of this story and the fact that I managed to impress you - my SPEW twin.

Rushed endings seem to be one of my weaknesses. You're quite right, the ending does seem a little too fast ... I must work on it in future ...

Thanks again for taking the time to leave a SPEW-worthy review!

Reviewer: MsParryHotter
Date: 11/05/06 11:18
Chapter: One-shot

i dunno y no 1 is reviewin u
dat was wunnerful

Author's Response: And thanks again!

Reviewer: MsParryHotter
Date: 11/05/06 11:18
Chapter: One-shot

i dunno y no 1 is reviewin u
dat was wunnerful

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: MaiaMadness
Date: 10/28/06 11:58
Chapter: One-shot

Yay, I finally got round to reading one of your stories! *grins* Well, concrit first is my way, so here you go:

The ending is a bit abrupt. I feel like there should be something following, or that you should have ended it in a different sentence, but I have no suggestions.

“You fucking witch,” said Tom coldly, “you used me in order to satisfy some pathetic desire of yours. Enchanting me in some damn foolish way and having no second thoughts about it,” he took a deep breath after saying this.

I spotted a dialogue error here, which I thought I should point out. It ought to be:

"...and having no second thoughts about it." He took a deep breath after saying this.

Only end in comma if a) the sentence is followed by "he said" or similar or b) the sentence is broken in two.

In the sex-scene in the middle you have something not quite correct time-wise. After all, this takes place some time in the, what, 1930s or 40s? The word "boxers" is a rather modern term, and most certainly not one I would expect Merope Gaunt to use. I think you should replace it with simply "underwear".

Now I will praise you.

I liked the beginning best. The bit with the water was well-written. Tom's suspicion seemed very in character and so was Merope's uncertainty and self-doubt. Also, the ending was ecellent, just not very final, I feel...

I think this story describes excellently how Merope and Tom's relationship (if you can call it that) might have happened. I enjoyed reading it very much! Good job! I need to get round to reading more of your work...

Author's Response:

Thanks for this long and lovely review, Maia! I knew their 'relationship' might have been very angst-ridden and certainly not fluffy. I'm quite pleased with the way the fic has turned out to be. I'm also happy that Merope and Tom don't seem OOC to you!

Also, the ending was excellent, just not very final, I feel...

I understand. You see, I had read a very powerful story about Merope's last moments on this site (I think it's Resplendence by Wings of the Morning) and I didn't have the inclination to elaborate on that aspect.

I shall fix the dialogue error and modernism as soon as I can. Thanks for taking the time and patience to point them out!

~Mini.

Reviewer: Mind_Over_Matter
Date: 10/14/06 3:34
Chapter: One-shot

This is really beautiful - and you chose an interesting tale to tell. I feel you've captured her decisions and what was behind them very well, and have at the same time explored the deeper realms of emotion that led Merope Gaunt to her eventual situation.

There was something that stood out to me every now and then, throughout. And that was that Merope sometimes seems... well, normal. It sometimes felt strange, to read her thoughts so clear in her head. I always thought she was less together than this - you know, she knew what she was told, and she told what she knew by her father and completely off-the-wall brother (depending on when her mother left). Do you get what I mean? Maybe it's just my interpretation, but I always imagined Merope as more... crazy.


Other than that, though, I like what you've done, and how you've chosen to characterise Tom Riddle Sr. and create the intricacies of he and Merope's relationship. It's just lovely. A very nice job, in my humble opinion.



Author's Response: Georgia, thanks for this lovely review! This story is more of a Romangst (romance+angst) fic than anything else. So, I had to go in for deep emotions. I've never thought of Merope as a crazy woman. Because of the abuse she had faced from a very young age, she was a witch who was forced to remain silent for her own good. That's why we don't see her speaking at all in canon. I had to give her a clear voice for the sake of the story. She did have courage, however little that may be. Thanks for the praise as well - you've made me smile! :) ~Mini.

Author's Response: Oops, sorry for the terrible format! I forgot to add the paragraph tags. Thanks again for that splendid critique.

Reviewer: suckr4romance
Date: 10/01/06 19:44
Chapter: One-shot

Finally, I've read another story of yours! I must say, I like the idea. The title is alluring (which doesn't always happen when a title's in Latin, because oftentimes the wording can get awkward), it works so well! I hadn't been able to read this fic of yours for awhile, because I just turned 17 and can now legally read it. I did notice what I thought were some typos, but maybe they were British spellings of words...I'm American, and wouldn't know.

You captured Tom's initial manner (when he looked upon her with disgust) and his reactions to being tricked very well. I'd totally feel the same way if I'd been duped like Tom was. I found it a little difficult to sympathize with Merope, though I'm not sure if I was supposed to or not.

Till next time,
Christine

Author's Response:

Thanks for the kind review! To answer your question about the typos - they're not typos, they're typically British spellings. I can understand if that confused you.

Strangely enough, I'm more of a Merope sympathiser. I suppose that's because she's suffered a lot more than Tom has. This story is meant to be a sad one, but it evokes different feelings towards different characters, depending on the reader.

Reviewer: Islander
Date: 09/09/06 21:20
Chapter: One-shot

Oh, this was so sad! I found Merope's story very sad in HBP, and it's just as sad in this dramatization. Good job with this story!

Author's Response: Thank you! *is convinced that the story is a tear-jearker*

Reviewer: Alexarama
Date: 08/06/06 2:46
Chapter: One-shot

That was really good. I haven't read any stories with this pairing, so it was a nice change. You should write more one-shots like this.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: ValorOrgulloso
Date: 07/19/06 10:22
Chapter: One-shot

This was a really good portayal of what could've happened between Merope and Tom Riddle. Great writing!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Valentinia
Date: 07/16/06 20:54
Chapter: One-shot

Good fic. I like how Merope's feelings are used so much that the reader (who does, after all, understand Tom's fury) feels greatly for her. I think this is just how she must have felt, and pretty much what their "relationship" must have been like. Plus, I love the pairing :).

Author's Response: Ah, thank you! I'm surprised that the fic moved you a lot. :)

Reviewer: Valentinia
Date: 07/16/06 20:54
Chapter: One-shot

Good fic. I like how Merope's feelings are used so much that the reader (who does, after all, understand Tom's fury) feels greatly for her. I think this is just how she must have felt, and pretty much what their "relationship" must have been like. Plus, I love the pairing :).

Author's Response: See above. *doesn't want the "unresponded" column showing a number*

Reviewer: Lily_greeneyes
Date: 07/14/06 3:45
Chapter: One-shot

I like this story! The perspective from Merope Gaunt was clear and well written, and there were certain sentences that made it so...I don't know how to explain it, but real. ("The child which would have once increased my joy was now an impossible burden to bear." That was a really good line and showed her emotion as of that moment very well)

However, there is one small thing. When Tom ate the food, and thus, the antidote, he instantly knew that she was a witch...When you think about it, that wouldn't really be possible if he didn't know what she really was before he was drugged by the Love potion (since he was a Muggle...)

All in all, this was a great story!



Author's Response: I suppose Merope told/showed him that she was a witch. I haven't mentioned that in the story, that's all. Thank you for your review! So, how did you feel when you read it? Was the last part a tear-jerker?

Reviewer: greeneyes
Date: 07/12/06 11:47
Chapter: One-shot

Wow, this is amazing! But ha-ha! I got to read it before anybody else! Go me! Anywhoo, I liked how you portrayed Merope. I think her nervousness and determination were both correctly shone, but it wasn't too much. You know?

Nice work, and keep it up! Good job on getting it accepted.

Author's Response: Hi greeneyes! *waves at her loyal BETA* :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the nice comments!

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