-waves to SPEW buddy- Dude, Elle. I had no idea how many fics I would have to choose from! And believe me, it was indeed hard to choose. But of course, I ended up clicking for Sirius. -rolls eyes at self-
I really like the way you start this, with Sirius being all moody. Because that’s exactly how Sirius is. He would feel sorry for himself, and then be angry at himself for feeling sorry. Perfect. And LOL about killing the Giant Squid. It’s easy to see the relationship between Sirius and James here. You did an excellent job of showing how comfortable they are with each other, how much like brothers they really are. I did feel, though, that perhaps Sirius opened up a bit too quickly about what he was feeling. For me, Sirius seems like he would be reluctant to talk about Regulus at all, what with all the problems and differences between them.
The dialogue in this sometimes feels a tad…perfect, I guess is the right word, to me. Like it was rehearsed, if that makes sense. I think maybe adding in some more descriptions, pauses, etc., would have helped to eliminate that.
I love the idea of Sirius going to the Black family cabin, partly because I love the idea of there even being a Black family cabin. How awesome is that? So awesome. And oh! I wasn’t expecting the person on the couch to be Andromeda. What a great touch. She’s such a good character to add in to the story, since she’s gone through some of the same things that Sirius has. It’s also just interesting to consider that Sirius does actually have real family in his life besides his friends. My only complaint is that we didn’t get to see more interaction between Sirius and Andromeda. -wink-
Overall, this is pretty free of grammatical mistakes, but there are some errors that I noticed. Mostly small things, though. Nonetheless, I think a quick read-through by a beta would help polish this up a bit.
And just one more thing before I finish this up. I think that, since this fic focuses a lot on Sirius and his concerns for Regulus, it might have been nice to see Sirius and Regulus together at some point. Maybe not on his birthday, maybe not even in the present. A flashback or something, perhaps? But I think the story could have benefited from a direct glimpse at the Black brothers’ relationship.
I definitely think I’ll have to read more of your writing in the future, especially since you’re a fellow Black lover. -grin-
Author's Response: *hugs SPEW buddy* Thanks for the review and the suggestions. I should look into getting this polished up. It's actually one of my older stories. Glad you liked it. *more hugs*
The Black family has always intrigued me, you did a beautiful representation...Sirius is my favorite character, and you did well with handling him, I'm impressed. Though, it did seem as though you became slightly...erm...rushed towards the end, the descriptions were lovely and heartfelt, then Sirius was with Andy and Tonks and then they talked, and then FIN. Maybe it's just me, probably...excuse me while I go yell for Hemo to stop shoting morphine into my IV...
~The Tainted One
Author's Response: The Black family has always intrigued me too. I love them all. As for being rushed, hmmm...maybe. I honestly haven't looked at this story for awhile. But the whole point of it was to show a bit of the relationship between Andromeda and Sirius.
Thanks so much for the review.
The Black family has always mystified me.
Author's Response: I love the Black family, every last one of them. Absolutly adore them, which you can probably tell as they are the main characters in most of my fics. ;) Bella is my absolute favorite, though.
Kill the giant squid!
This is a really good story, and you can vividly describe a scene without being too wordy. I liked your characterization of Sirius (who is usually my least-favourite character), and the ending was great, very poignant. Trust Tonks's mum to be deep!
Author's Response: Thank you for all the compliments. :D
I can't believe Sirius is your least favorite character! He's one of my favorites. I cried forever when he died in OOTP.
As for Andromeda, I always thought of her as being the deepest of the Black sisters. She's really such a mystery though.
I really liked this story! I think that Sirius' feelings were just right, and the amount was perfect - not absolutely no plot, but not only action. The interactions between Andromeda and Sirius were good, too - I like how she says they should stick together. It shows that, even though she's good and not a pure-blood-freak, she still has some of that Black family pride.
Anyway, I thought I'd also take this opportunity to thank you so much for the James/Petunia story!! I did enjoy it a lot! So, again, thanks!
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed. I'm glad it all came together good.
And, no, Andromeda isn't a "pure-blood-freak" (I laughed at that phrase, by the way) but that doesn't mean she doesn't love her family. It must be hard to complete walk away from your family, no matter how different you are from them. I think she sees this as a chance to reconnect with at least one member of her family.
I'm also glad you enjoyed the James/Petunia story. It should be on MNFF before too long. Again, I'm really glad you enjoyed both stories. :D
This was very, very good. It's funny that your stories make me think so much. Everybody has this idea that Regulus and Sirius always hated each other, and you portray a story where Sirius was worried about him. I liked how you casually slipped Bella in. Regulus is another one of my favorite characters so this fic is definetly going on my favorites... and it's well written! I don't know if I had Andromeda with blonde hair in my mind. I've always imagined her with red hair. You know, Bella has black, Narcissa has blonde, and Andromeda has red. But it doesn't matter really, it's just the way I thought. Good job! Loved it!
Author's Response: Hello again! :) I'm glad my stories make you think. That's means I'm doing something right, which is always a good thing. :)
I can't imagine that Sirius and Regulus always hated each other, I don't even know if I believe that I ever hated each other. They are brothers after all. And I think we both have a tendency to slip Bella into stories if at all possible. ;)
And surprisingly, you are the second person to comment on Andromeda's hair. I'm pretty sure the Potter books never tell us what color it is, but I personally have always thought of it as blonde, like Narcissa's. That's just me. I like to think that Bella as the only one with different hair, no idea why.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my story, and thank you so much for reviewing!
That was very sweet. I liked that Sirius wasn't portrayed the typical way, just a serious flirt with an attitude problem. I have one question that was just me. Sirius's nicknamed for Regulus? Is it pronounced 'Reg' or 'Rej'?
Did Andromeda have blonde hair? I don't recall it saying that in the books, but I don't recall them saying that she had dark hair either. Why was she at the cabin?
And one last thing. Do you really think that Sirius would call Bellatrix and Narcissa Cissy and Bella? I just thought that it was kind of borderline for him.
Overall, however, it was a good story. I had to reread it to make the review constructive. :P
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Sirius. He can't be a flirt all the time!
And now for your questions. Let's see. The nickname is pronounced 'Reg'.
Andromeda's hair. I'm pretty sure that the books do not tell us what color her hair is. I just always thought of her as having blonde hair like Narcissa. No good reason why, except that I feel if any of the sisters was going to have a different appearance it would be Bella. There's nothing to back it up, just my preference.
I didn't explain why she was in the cabin, as the story was told through Sirius' POV, and I thought people would assume she was there because she was thinking about her family and feeling nostalgic, which was why she was there. Maybe I should have stated that somewhere. Hmmm...
As for Bella and Cissy. Well, to me, I would think most people would call Bellatrix Bella. Her name is too long, and people have a tendency to shorten longer names. But in this case I used Bella and Cissy because I believe there was a time when Sirius was likely to have called them that. They were cousin and probably spent time together growing up. I can't imagine a very young child mastering the names Bellatrix and Narcissa. I assume in their youth he would have used the shorter versions, and while having a rather emotional conversation with his cousin those names slipped out again. I also think there may have been a time in his youth that Sirius was close to all of his cousins, although there is certainly no canon to support that claim.
There. I think that should answer everything. I really appreciate the review. And I liked that you asked questions; it made me give some additional thought to how I wrote this. Thank you so much!
Interesting...I write a lot of these short little stories...I'll have to try another one about Sirius...
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I love Sirius. He was the reason I got so addicted to Harry Potter. But then again, of course I love him, after all, he is a Black!
Awwww. that's so sweet. But Sirius and Regulus would see each other in school right? He could always talk to him there.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Yes, Sirius has one more year of school left, and he will be able to talk to his brother then. But at this point he has just recently left hime, it's Regulus' birthday, it's summer vacation, and Sirius is just feeling down and confused.
Wow I think that you did a really good job describing the realitionship between Regeles and Sirius, I think that Siruis really did like Regeles and I hate storys that make it so Sirius hates him.
p.s. this story reminded me of Fadeing Into Grey, you should read it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I can't imagine that Sirius and Regulus were born enemies. They were brothers and I believe they had a bond. Thanks for the tip on the story. I will check that out.
you are very creative writer! I love your stories! keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much.
I like it a lot. Excellent story. I liked how you introduced us to Andromeda. I was not expecting that at all. Update soon please. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Andromeda is someone I always wanted J.K. Rowling to really put into her stories, but so far we haven't meant her. But there's still book 7! And, I'm sorry to say, this story is a one-shot and there are no plans for any future chapters or sequals at this time. Thanks again, for reviewing!
first reviewer! *plays kazoo* Great story! Very believable that Sirius would worry about his little brother.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I always assumed that Sirius worried about his little brother. He always seems to care so deeply about people. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.