I really enjoyed it! Very imaginative.
Are you gonna continue this? It sounds like a one-shot but it has potential. I really liked it.
This is a lovely story. I found that both Ginny and Ron were characterized really well. Their personalities had matured, yet they still were themselves. I especially enjoyed Ron’s description of how Harry lives on through Ginny and Jacob.
I found your interpretation of the prophecy quite interesting, not only that Harry and Neville weren’t the only options but also that “marked as his equal” could mean “half-blood”.
I did find it a bit too coincidental that Harry and Jacob share July 31 as their birthday and both defeated Voldemort on Halloween night, but not so much that it really took away from the story.
I found two parts somewhat confusing, one of them being the reference to “the place that killed Hermione”, the other being when Ron says goodbye to his parents for the “last” time. I would have expected that he would have said something more like, “I won’t be back for a very long time.”
I found it quite fitting that Ginny wasn’t comfortable calling her in-laws “Mum and Dad” but, “Lily and James” might have added a more personal touch than “Mr and Mrs Potter.” I also would have liked a bit more of a description on Molly and Arthur’s graves.
Still, an excellent job overall. I really enjoyed how you took a story that began so bleakly and clearly illustrates so much pain but managed an ending with a glimpse of hope.
Aww! Jordan, I thought you were supposed to be perky. But you write sadness very well, and I think you captured the emotions perfectly.
I REALLY liked Ron in this story. Most people show him as some sort of idiot in most of their stories, but you showed that everyone has a brain. Even Ron. And what he said seemed like the sort of thing only HE could say, y'know? He was very IC, especially when he's one of the harder characters to write.
The idea that the prophecy wasn't about Harry or Neville was a unique idea (well, I haven't explored the AU cat well enough to know if it is unique or not...). It seemed awfully likely to me, and the evidence you used to prove it was convincing.
“Nooo!” he screamed, fleeing for his life.
Is it horrible that I sort of laughed at this part? I got a sudden image of Vold running away like Jack Sparrow, arms all out and feet pigeon-footed. Heh. The sort of thing only I would think of, I think.
But the best line of the story, by far, was the last line. It made me shiver. It showed how, even in times of grief, life goes on. And I think it was represented that Ginny finally excepted her losses, and maybe can finally move on in life.
I also adored how Ron kind of gets lost in memories at the end. The mention of U-NO-POO seemed kind of out-of-place and maybe a little bit too light-hearted for the otherwise dark/angsty story, but I can see why you wrote that in there. Kind of a, 'Think of all the good times you had,' sort of way of getting over your grief, yes?
All in all, a fabuloso story, chica! I adore your style of writing, and you have excellent flow. Keep it up!
In my opinion, a death in fanfiction only strengthens the emotional quality in the story. even though it's sad, it does make the story so much better if handled right and you, my friend, have pulled it off spectacularly.
“Ginny, I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me, too,” Ron said, putting a comforting hand of his sister’s shoulder. “But Harry’s not gone. He lives in you and Jacob; I can see it everyday.
wow...I never knew Ron was that wise and insightful. hehe ;D. But it's true, a piece of Harry lives on in everyone he ever loved, and who ever loved him.
all in all, i think this story was very well written, and the emotion is very realistic in the character's actions and behavior.
keep up the wonderful writing, and thanks for the banner.
I love the idea. It's so original. I have never read an fic where Harry's son is the Chosen One. Usually you read that it's Neville who the prophecy refers to.
I don't read a lot of AU, but I just really liked this one. Even though one thing from canon was changed (Harry as the Chosen One), it still felt very canon. It didn't feel unrealistic. I could see that happening in the books. All the characters were IC, which was nice to read.
Seeing them in the graveyard was so sweet. Jacob was just adorable there; “I talked with Grandma and Grandpa,” the boy announced proudly. He seems so innocent, so carefree. It's a nice contrast to Ginny, who is so sad and unhappy.
I love Ron in here. Normally, I'm not overly fond of Ron in fanfic, but here he was really IC. It was so horrible that he had to tell the Grangers about Hermione. Ron's reactions are so like him. I love how he is the one to tell Ginny about Jacob being the Chosen One. Ron isn't stupid; it's nice to see him be the one to take the spotlight. He's a very observant and logical person; he's very good at Chess. He seems like the type who would be able to take all the little pieces of the puzzle to create one big picture.
I cried at parts, smiled, and felt sorry for Ginny. I really enjoyed reading it.
wow, i really loved this! I love your idea of the prophecy reffering to Ginny and Harry's son, very good idea.
REally good fic - keep up the good work!
And thankyou so much for my banner!
Furry (Tonks MNBB)
The Graveyard scene is really heartbreaking. It's a very sad story, but one that shines with hope, nonetheless. I loved how Ginny spoke to them, and had her son speak to them as well. I always love scenes when people speak to their dead loved ones. It shows how much Ginny loved them, and really emphasises how alone she and Ron are right now.
The Ron/Hermione plotline was really tragic. They were engaged, and she died...having what you always wanted in your hands, and then having it taken away from you at the last minute...bittersweet ending. I LOVED the wedding ring bit; my dad died two years ago and my mother has never taken off the ring either.
Ginny!” Harry bellowed. “Take Jacob and RUN!”
Harry's following in his father's footsteps, I see. I think this is sweet as well, he's going to sacrifice himself just like his mother, and he said the same exact words his father said. So sweet!
Guess Ron is right...Ginny is like Harry. Same exact words he shouted to Dumby, if I'm not mistaken. Really cute way to prove Ron's point, Jordan! Sad, but cute.
I loved it! I haven't read an angst story in ages, I usually don't like reading about everyone's death, but your is different, the twist about Jacob being the chosen one making it unique. I adored Ginny's characterisation, it portrayed her perfectly. I could clearly see how she was trying to be strong for herself and her son.
Ron was actually tactful! The way he comforted his sister really proved that he has now grown up, and truly become an independent man. Yet, he still retains the Ron sheepishness. Loved everything about this whole story!
“THEN–I–DON’T–WANT–TO–BE–HUMAN!”this line always makes me break out sobbing when i read it!!!! I think you could make a chaptered fic out of this with this chapter as the prologue10/10
I love this story!! I think it's great how you made Voldemort fall again to Jacob, and I like your interpretation of the prophecy, how it might not have actually been about Harry.
I think Voldemort's character was a little too... forced, though. I don't think he would have actually knocked or even banged on the door... I think he would have just burst in, or snuck in and showed up freakishly in some doorway... *shudders* That's really the only thing I thought was questionable.
I think you did the Grangers really well, it would be like them to blame the wizarding world for Hermione's death. Mrs. Granger somehow seemed the type to babble to me... Just purely out of imagination; she hasn't been described much in the books...
Anyways, I'm off to read more of your wonderful writing!
I don't really like the idea of Harry dead and Jacob being "The Chosen One" but then again..that's why it is AU...well written though...
First of all, I love the beginning of your fic. It's very detailed and informative about the setting, and you did very well in drawing the readers in with those first sentences.
“Avada Kedavra” Voldemort began in a snakelike voice, his wand pointed straight at Harry’s head.
I think that you meant to put a comma after "Kedavra".
Oh my goodness... a wonderful fic, I am truly speechless.
This fic was so sad! Ron and Hermione not together... Harry, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley dead... so depressing!
Ginny let her son be and walked up the hill a bit, keeping a close eye on Jacob. She found the one grave she was looking for: Harry’s.
I seriously had chills running down by my spine..that was so well-written. It was... how can you say it? It was so out-there, like you knew that something bad was going to happen, but you didn't know what. You kept this story in great suspense.
I'm glad that you went through what had happened as Harry had died. (Although I'm not glad that Harry died! *sniff* It gave you more background on his death, and how Voldemort died as well.
Oh, and you should totally make this into a chaptered fic; although I don't know how you would be able to drag out the story more.
I didn't see that many errors in punctutation or spelling; but I did see a part where Trelawney was spelled wrong.
You had very good ideas put into this fic, and I love your writing style and the way you wrote it. It was so touching and emotionally beautiful... it was a great fic, that's all I'll say.
And for the Ron and Hermione part.
This was yet another scary twist in your story. Ron and Hermione were broken apart, as was Harry and Ginny, by none other than Voldemort's wrath.
You can tell that this fic was very well-thought out and carefully put together. You had great ideas incorporated into this story. Very creative.
I'm glad that you ended this fic the way you did.
Ginny laughed again, and for the first time in two years, she heard her husband again.
That's a great ending to a fic. You left the readers guessing, "Well, what is going to happen next?" But you still left them with hope that that the saddened characters would get through the terrible ordeal that the writer made up for them.
I really enjoyed reviewing this fic, and I am putting it on my favorites list. A truly, wonderfull, and well-written fic. Great work, Jordan!
Very good fic. At first, when I heard his child was born on the same day as Harry, I was like, "aw, that's cute!" and then when Harry died saving his son, I was like... Waiittt... I see where this is going...
Fab U Lus!
This is a very good fanfic. I really enjoyed reading it!
I think this is brillient-really emotional
You made me cry!!!!!!
How sad! I like how some hope is interwoven, too, though, with the mention of Jacob maybe being the "chosen one" - I'd love to read more about that. As a stand alone one-shot this was great too, though! You're writing and the connecting of flashback and present was very artistic, and the feelings realistic.
I had ponderd the meaning of 'aproching' also, I like your interpretation. I also like that you used a boy, as very few people have oc boys as the main charictors anymore (yes I under stand he isn't *really* the main charicter...) It would be cool if you could continue with this train of thought . You know like at hogwarts and stuff... Anyway, you did an awesome job.
This is so bitter-sweet! I loved it! well written.
I want to cry reading this, it's really sad. I like the realtionship you have going on between Ginny and Ron, it's really sweet.
This fic is simply stupendous!
Keep On Writing;)
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. (At least, I think you did!) Thank you! And my, my, what a compliment!