MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: chislarina (Anonymous) · Date: 07/09/06 4:22 · For: Learning to Trust
Bravo. I like the abrupt ending to the chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks! Well, it's sort of good that the ending was aburpt. That leaves the reader thinking they're missing something, so they'll comeback for it!

Name: chislarina (Anonymous) · Date: 07/09/06 4:19 · For: Prologue

Author's Response: It was rather sad. I felt so bad for Ron.

Name: PotterFan22 (Anonymous) · Date: 07/08/06 22:54 · For: Learning to Trust
woah, sent a jolt through my body with that last sentence...i dunno why, it just kinda surprised me. anyways, great, wonderful, and absolutely amazing story! i loved it and i'm curious as to what will happen next! it was hard for me to actually immagine Hermione eating like Ron! lol. it was kind of funny the way i had it pictured! can't wait for more!

Author's Response: I glad you like the story. I was trying to think of a good reason he kidnapped her, and bam! There it was. Yeah, it was rather funny to think of Hermione eating like Ron, but if she hadn't eaten for a while, I think it's plausible.

Name: potterfan97 (Signed) · Date: 07/08/06 22:12 · For: Learning to Trust
Wow - interesting looking forward to many more. I am an avid supporter of Snape being evil, so I can't wait to read your story!

Author's Response: Personally, I'm not sure what Snape really is in canon, but I so want him to be evil! So, he is!

Name: aintcrazy4you (Signed) · Date: 07/08/06 19:28 · For: Learning to Trust
Oh...okay. He has no legs. How weird. Good job so far. Update soon.

Author's Response: Yeah, I know it's a bit odd. I tried to think of the most gruesome thing that I could make happen to Snape, and I think I did a fairly good job.

Name: Oppungo (Signed) · Date: 07/05/06 14:10 · For: Prologue
Nice start to what looks like a promising fic. The first few paragraphs were especially emotional, recounting the losses that had taken place. One line that I found very prominent out of it all was, "They did not know of the horrible murderers roaming their town until they were victims themselves." which was very touching, just imagining it.

There were a few grammatical errors in there that I noticed, but nothing big. "It had been only four years since they had left Hogwarts, but it had felt like forever." I'd delete the 'had' in 'but it had felt like forever', as the sentence flows smoother without it, and it isn't really necessary.
"The graveyard that the trio was walking in happened to be part of the newly erected Potter Manor." I think that the 'the trio was walking' should be 'the trio were walking', as 'trio' is a plural, and 'was' is the singular.
"“Please, Harry, you know exactly why you’re being called I need help with the kids ”" The second part of this sentence is a bit too long, Ginny would probably need to take a breath somewhere! Either "...you know exactly why you're being called! I need help with the kids," or "...you know exactly why you're being called - I need help with the kids!" would work, as long as there is some sort of punctuation there to break it up.

In my opinion, I think Hermione would be stronger when coping with her parents deaths than that. Although she would still be upset long after, I don't think she would cry that much in public, probably just force it to the back of her mind and only let it out when she was alone. However, that is only my opinion, and pulled off your own opinions well in this.

You did a really good job of characterizing Ron when Hermione was taken, as obviously he's go through a lot of confliction emotions and actions. My favourite line was, "His body was debating whether to stay frozen as it was or go jump in the freezing lake behind the mansion." which I thought was brilliant! I think maybe you could evolve on Harry's emotions, as she was his best friend too, and I think he'd show more than that, but his reasoning to be strong for Ron was well done, and showed why he might not have. There was some great imagery when Hermione was taken, I felt so sorry for her - and Ron!

Overall a great start, good luck with the rest of this fic, I'm looking forward to finding out what happens!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. [/blushes at horrile grammar skills] Yes, I'm terrible with grammar and it often happenes that a beta will miss something. I probably would have evolved Harry's emotions, but the main focus of it, was primly Hermione. I do agree though, that Harry probably would have been a bit more upset, had I truly inteneded to stick to it. (My last statement was confusing, I didn't quite know how to say it.) As for Hermione, I always pictured her as the one to blame herself. I figured she might blame herself for not being their when her parents were attacked, which would make the memory and despair burn stronger.

Name: weasley member (Signed) · Date: 07/03/06 20:51 · For: Prologue
that was awsome.can't wait to you write more

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Actually, the whole fic except the last chapter is already written, so, the only waiting in beta and queue.

Name: Sly Severus (Signed) · Date: 07/02/06 19:46 · For: Prologue
Good start. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

Author's Response: Thanks! I also hope that it's interesting.

Name: Ice_Cherry (Signed) · Date: 07/02/06 19:01 · For: Prologue
Excellent....I have been looking for something like this to read. I can't wait till the new chapter are put up. ^_^

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! The next chapter is going into queue tomorrow. (7/5)

Name: grangergurl (Signed) · Date: 07/02/06 17:19 · For: Prologue
Pretty good. Update soon.

Author's Response: Thank you! And i will update soon.

Name: aintcrazy4you (Signed) · Date: 07/02/06 17:12 · For: Prologue
Good so for. Update soon, I guess.

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm sending the next chapter into queue tomorrow.

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